


Take Me to the Dark

by AnakinCaffrey



Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst, M/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-19 19:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 85,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2399684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnakinCaffrey/pseuds/AnakinCaffrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter saves a little boy and realizes, surprisingly, that the boy is important to him in some way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is part of a line from "Animal" by Conor Maynard and the lovely cover art was done by the very talented Kanarek13. :D  
> As a side note, my vampires aren't going to be depicted as they are in _Twilight,_ so I've spared you of sparkling vampires.

_He waited for those beautiful eyes to open, all the while knowing they’d never be the same. It wasn’t supposed to be this way and he blamed himself. After all, he’d done this. He wasted so much time trying to protect him when he should have just taken him away where no one would ever be able to find him, but that was very selfish of him and he was nothing if not a gentleman. He watched the body in front of him, noting that the well-toned chest hadn’t moved in quite some time. He hated himself for that. How could he have let it come to this? After all of his declarations of love, he’d done the one thing he vowed he would never do and he’d stolen a man’s life—drained him of his humanity._

_As soon as those eyes fluttered open, he regretted ever putting the young man into this position—for bringing him into his life. He was selfish and foolish to think he could live in both worlds when he’d been warned about the consequences of living in the realm of mortals. He couldn’t help it though. This man was a temptation from afar that he wanted to possess, but he hadn’t meant to go this far._

_He would spend eternity wishing he’d done the right thing. He should have let him die._

•◊•

It all began when Agent Peter Burke got a call about someone setting fire to a home. This wasn’t one of his typical jobs, but he went anyway. Something inside of him told him that he needed to be there. When he’d arrived, a house was in flames and there was a woman screaming on the front lawn. “Ma’am, what’s going on?” he asked, concerned.

Before she even responded, he knew it. He could _smell_ it. Turning towards the house, his exceptional sense of hearing allowed him to listen to a boy crying out for help, coughing as the smoke suffocated him. He sounded like he was on the verge of giving up hope and just allowing himself to die alone in his home. Peter felt compelled to run towards the house, round the corner, and break the backdoor down.

He darted inside and threw furniture and whatever else was in his way aside. He made it to the room the boy was in and found that he was laying beneath a support that must’ve fallen from the ceiling. He looked frightened when he saw Peter across the room. Peter hesitated. He knew this was wrong. He’d exposed himself to this child. The fact that he wasn’t burning nor sweating is probably what terrified the boy. By all rules of the Illuminatis, he should’ve just let the child die a natural death without interference. Looking at the child, he felt a connection of some sort. He didn’t understand it and couldn’t even begin to explain it, but he felt like he _needed_ to save the boy.

Without further hesitation, he sped across the room and lifted the support off of the boy. The young boy scrambled to his feet as he coughed. Peter threw the support away from them and held his arms out. The boy thrust himself into Peter’s arms, coughing and crying a little. Peter took him out the way he’d come in. Once he was outside with the child, he was about to set him down on the ground, but the boy clung to him tighter. “You saved me,” he whispered, his bright blue eyes lighting up. He looked awed and beyond grateful.

Peter gave him a small smile. “Are you okay, kiddo?” He nodded. “What’s your name?”

“Neal. I’m twelve.”

“Hi, Neal,” Peter said, chuckling lightly. “I’m Agent Peter Burke of the FBI.”

The boy’s eyes widened and he looked absolutely awestruck now. “Thank you for saving me, Agent Burke.”

Peter shook his head, shifting the boy in his arms. “Just call me Peter, Neal.”

He carried Neal around to the front of the house and Neal’s mother sobbed as she ran to them. Peter was reluctant to hand Neal off to her, but he did anyway. She held him unsteadily and kissed his face as she hugged him.“Oh, baby. Oh, God. I’m so glad you’re okay.” She looked at Peter. “Thank you so much. I…I don’t know how to repay you.”

Neal smiled at Peter. If Peter’s heart were beating, it surely would’ve skipped a beat at that moment. He felt sickened by himself. Was he attracted to a _child?_ That was disturbing in his mind. Perhaps it was the scent of the boy that made Peter feel compelled to stay near him. “Just take good care of him and that’ll be payment enough,” Peter said gently.

Neal was watching the firefighters try to put the fire out and the lights of the police sirens lit his face up. He didn’t understand how any of this happened, but he was so thankful that Peter came to his rescue. Police officers were coming over to Neal and his mother and Peter knew they’d be asking his mother questions. She set Neal down and turned to speak to the officer. Peter was heading towards his car. He didn’t need it, but he had it for appearance’s sake. He stopped when he heard footsteps coming towards him. “Agent Peter!” Peter turned around as Neal came to a stop in front of him. “You’re leaving?”

“I’ve got to get back to work, Neal.” He glanced up to where Neal’s mother was being questioned. “Everything should be settled soon, kiddo.”

Neal looked disappointed and then a thought struck him. “Can I go with you? The officer said he might take mom to the station. I’d have to sit by myself.”

Peter looked uncertain. This boy could be a temptation that he’d regret. That damn light in his eyes made Peter consider it though. “If your mom says you can, then yes, but I want you to ask her.”

Neal grinned and grabbed Peter’s hand, dragging him along as they made their way over to his mother. “Mom.” Neal’s mother turned. “Agent Peter is going to the FBI building to finish some stuff. Can I go with him?”

Had he not just saved Neal from dying inside of a burning house, she probably would have told him no outright. “Sure, Neal. I’ll be with Ellen.” She gave the address to Peter and asked that he bring Neal straight home as soon as he was done working.

He promised that he wouldn’t take long and he’d have Neal home shortly. Peter led Neal back to his car and unlocked the doors so they could get in. Neal hopped into the passenger seat while Peter got in to drive. He couldn’t help smiling at how bubbly and eager the boy was. “My dad was a cop. I want to be just like him.”

Peter’s smile faltered as realization sank in. Neal’s dad wasn’t inside the house nor was he anywhere near the house. “Where’s your dad?”

“Mom told me he died a hero. He took a group of bad guys down, but he got shot.”

The fact that Neal didn’t sound upset meant that he’d been really young when this happened; young enough not to remember, apparently. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Peter said quietly. He glanced over at Neal, his smile returning as Neal peered out the window, watching the darkness. It was pretty late and he wondered if he should just take Neal to Ellen’s house.

Neal turned to look at Peter then, smiling shyly. “You’re a hero, too, Agent Peter.”

Peter chuckled. The kid liked to call him that and he liked it himself. “I’d have to ask what your definition of a hero is.”

“Someone who saves someone else,” he replied instantly. “You could’ve let me die in there, but you didn’t. You came to find me.”

The older man glanced at Neal and wondered if he was injured or burned anywhere. He hadn’t shown signs of pain at all, but he might be hyped up on adrenaline and excitement. “Speaking of which, are you hurt?”

“My back and shoulder and leg hurt a little.”

Peter frowned. “Maybe I should take you to the hospital instead.”

Neal’s eyes widened and he stared up at Peter in surprise. “I’m not hurting that bad. I’m okay. I promise, Agent Peter.”

“I’ll look at your shoulder when we get to the bureau. If it looks bad, we’re going to the hospital. Understood?”

He hadn’t realized he’d put force into that statement. Neal shied away from him, leaning closer to the door. He was afraid. “Yes, sir.”

Peter’s lips parted and he reached over, stroking Neal’s hair. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He hoped that stroking the boy’s hair would soothe him and it worked. Neal actually leaned into his hand. He kept it up until he pulled into the parking area. “Can you show me your shoulder?” He was trying to be careful with his wording because he didn’t need this turning around on him, making him some kind of sex offender. That was the very last thing on his mind.

Neal pulled his shirt sleeve up. The shirt looked scorched, so he wasn’t surprised to see that Neal’s skin was burnt. “How bad is it?”

“Looks like it’s just first-degree, which is lucky considering how I found you.” He lowered the sleeve. “I could probably help you take care of that upstairs if you still want to come in with me. Otherwise, I can take you home and have your mom help you.”

The boy shook his head. “I don’t want to go home yet. Can I go up with you? Please, Agent Peter?” When his voice sounded so desperate and pleading, Peter felt like he couldn’t say no. He gave the boy a small nod before opening his door and stepping out. Neal did the same, meeting him in front of the car. Peter gestured for him to follow and Neal took his hand, holding it like a father and son would hold hands—or at least that’s how he remembered it feeling like this. There was nothing intimate about this and he was grateful for that. Neal was still young and innocent. Peter didn’t want to ruin that.

They stood in the elevator in silence. Neal’s pulse in his hand was driving Peter insane with need. He’d starved himself over the last few days and now he was really hungry. Once they got to the twenty-first floor, Neal stared at the room through the doors in awe. “Welcome to the White Collar division, Neal.”

He took Neal over to the break area and pulled out a couple compresses, handing them to Neal. Neal trailed after Peter as the older man went up into his office. The young boy took the opportunity to sit in the chair in front of Peter’s desk, grinning at the older man. “Whatcha workin’ on, Agent Peter?”

Peter smiled softly at him. “I have a few reports due by tomorrow morning.” Before Neal could say anything else, he wanted to help the boy with his burns. “Lift your sleeve and put the compress on your shoulder.” He glanced over the desk and murmured, “If you can roll the leg of your pants up far enough, you can put the compress under it.”

“What about my back?”

Peter pursed his lips. Of course Neal would push it. “Neal, I can’t touch you.”

“You held my hand though.”

“That was different.”

Neal’s brows furrowed. “How?” he asked innocently.

Peter shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “When you’re older, you’ll know why I can’t do that for you.” He’d never do anything to Neal. This boy was like his treasure. He was everything Peter wanted in a child of his own before his transformation.

“Agent Peter, I trust you,” Neal whispered. “I know you won’t do anything to hurt me. You jumped into a burning house to save me.” The boy raised an eyebrow, looking defiant. “And I know what you’re talking about, too. I’m not dumb.”

The older man sighed. “I didn’t say you were dumb nor was it implied. You shouldn’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Well, I do,” Neal said with a shrug. “If you think I’m gonna tell them you touched me inappropriately, then you’re wrong. I’d be dead if you didn’t come for me.” His eyes lowered to the desk, drifting completely away from Peter’s face. “You saved me, Agent Peter. I owe you.”

As Peter led Neal up the path to Ellen’s house, he felt like this—being close to Neal—was supposed to be, feeling right in almost every way. Peter rang the doorbell, watching Neal. He’d managed to convince Peter to wrap his torso to keep the compress in place on his back and Peter reluctantly did that for him. He was careful to keep his hands away from places he shouldn’t touch, fearing that Neal might not be the little angel he’s acted like since Peter saved him. “Neal,” a woman, Ellen, said as she opened the door and found the boy there. She smiled and pulled him in for a hug. “Your mom wants you to get ready for bed, sweetie.”

Neal turned and looked up at Peter. The older man gave Neal a small smile. He was startled when Neal thrust himself against Peter, hugging him. Peter was surprised even as he rested a hand on Neal’s unburned shoulder and hair. “Thank you, Agent Peter,” he whispered. “I’ll never forget you.”

After he said good night to the boy and woman, he stood in front of the closed door, whispering, “I’ll never forget you either.”

•◊•

“Honey, you need to reach out to him.”

Peter glared at the woman beside him. “It’s been almost a decade. I’m fairly certain a young, beautiful twenty-one year old man like him has a relationship with another young, beautiful person. Even as this monster, I’d never be good for him—appearance-wise or in general.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at him. “You’ve been stalking him all these years. You have his records laying around your bedroom, babe. Just go _talk to him._ The most he could do to hurt you is say he isn’t interested in you like that.” She kissed Peter’s cheek. “You’ll never know until you try though, right?”

“Today’s his twenty-first birthday,” Peter murmured, lowering his gaze to the floor. “He’ll probably go to a bar with a bunch of his friends and get drunk. What fun is an old man with kids like him?”

She shrugged, rising from the couch. “I’m about to go see him myself. He and I could be really good friends and then he’ll accidentally see that you and I are friends.”

“Just forget it, El. I’m not good enough for him.” Peter got up and darted out of the room, heading up the stairs. Forcing himself to walk took a lot of effort sometimes because he’s able to run freely through his home, running so fast that he’d be unseen by the human eye. Peter grabbed his folders from his bedroom and went back downstairs. “See you later,” he mumbled as he walked out of the house. He loves Elizabeth. After all, she’s the one who saved him and taught him how to live this way. He just hates when she tries to find him a love interest. Humans will die in time—or by his doing—and he didn’t think he could live with himself if he became attached and accidentally killed his lover. Elizabeth went through that. She’s a tough woman and came out of it all right, but she still regrets the events of the night she’d killed him. He wouldn’t be able to go a day without hating himself—especially if Neal became one of his unfortunate victims.

The man was beautiful now. He definitely grew up in more ways than one as far as Peter could tell. Peter didn’t know all of the little details to Neal’s life, but Neal was living on his own with a terrible job that paid him less than minimum wage. Whenever Peter spent time outside of Neal’s small apartment in one of the less reputable neighborhoods, he felt sick. He didn’t want to leave Neal in a place like this, but he couldn’t interfere with Neal’s life. He’d seen another man with Neal a few times and that discouraged him for a few months, but then he’d picked up his obsession with Neal once again and it refused to go away.

He spent his morning and a good portion of his afternoon filling out reports that kept piling up. He always seemed to be too busy when deadlines were nearing.

Diana dropped a file onto Peter’s desk, smirking when he looked up at her. “We got a visual on James Bonds.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

She chuckled, shaking her head. “No. I mean we got him.” Peter raised his eyebrows, rising from his chair. “He’s in the interrogation room now. I figured you might want to see him. He hasn’t spoken to any of the other agents.”

“I have ways of getting criminals to talk,” Peter said confidently, strolling out of his office. Diana trailed after him. She knew Peter was a great agent, but she had no idea how he did it. He always made the criminals talk and she found it bizarre. Well, she wasn’t the only one to find it bizarre. They strode down the hall and he came to an abrupt stop as he peered through the glass window—a one-sided view. “ _He’s_ James Bonds?”

Diana nodded. “Yep. We caught him while you were on your lunch break. He was hanging around a bar with a man we’ve had on our radar for quite some time. Needless to say, things got rough and they exposed themselves.” Peter couldn’t take his eyes off of the man in the interrogation room. This wasn’t what he expected. He would have _known._ He’d been quiet too long, stuck in his confusion and utter disbelief. “Boss? What is it?”

“Ah, nothing,” Peter deflected. “I’ll talk to him. You go work on some reports if you can. Jones might need some help.” She hesitated, but did as she was told, taking her leave. Peter didn’t make any moves for at least a full minute. He was just staring at the man whose hands were cuffed together in front of him on the table, his head bowed. He could smell blood inside the room and immediately knew it belonged to Neal. His temple and lip looked bloody. His throat and right cheekbone were bruising. He just looked like an absolute wreck and it made Peter miserable. Reluctantly, he walked around the corner and pushed through the glass doors, startling the young man.

His head lifted and he stared at Peter sharply, his eyes calculating the possibilities of the conversation. He was looking for a weakness in these agents, one he could work with and manipulate. None of them held the authority to do any such thing, so he refused to speak to them. “I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said firmly.

Peter was surprised to hear how guarded the man in front of him was. He took a seat, folding his fingers on top of the table. “If you didn’t do anything wrong, then you shouldn’t be withholding information and avoiding questioning.”

“I’m Neal Caffrey. Look me up in your databases or whatever you’ve got here that stalks those of us who can’t afford the same education you got.” Peter was taken aback by the hostility. “All you people do is grab lowlifes like me for kicks, right?”

“Listen,” Peter said tightly, leaning forward. “I want to help you. I’m not looking to incriminate you and we might be able to work some kind of deal if you cooperate.” This man was nothing like the little boy he’d rescued from a fire nearly a decade ago. Hell, this man was nothing like the man he watched in the late hours of the evening. “Tell me what you got yourself into at the bar before my agents arrested you.”

Neal scoffed, looking away from the older man. “There’s no point,” he murmured. “You’ve already made your judgment about me. Nothing I do or say will change your mind. I already know I’m going to get thrown into prison.” Peter was silent before tentatively reaching across the table to take Neal’s hand in his. The young man looked offended until he realized the point Peter was making. His eyes lowered to their hands, widening, and then he met Peter’s eyes. “Agent Peter?” he whispered. Neal’s fingers closed over Peter’s hand, holding onto his hand like a lifeline.

“Yes,” Peter said quietly.

“I heard rumors that you left the city after some case gone wrong,” the young man said, sounding dazed. “Wow. I feel like a dick now. I’m sorry for—”

Peter shook his head. “Don’t apologize.” Neal nodded slowly, tilting his head to the side to look at Peter again. “Care to share your plans?”

Neal’s face heated up and Peter had to put a lot of effort into staying put. The blood rush to his cheeks and the audible, increased pulse was making Peter’s mouth water. “I, uh…” The younger man shook his head. “I don’t really have a plan,” he finally admitted. “I was hoping you’d offer me some options, honestly.”

Peter opened the file he’d been given about James Bonds—Neal Caffrey. “Neal, your options are practically nonexistent at this point. You’ve been charged with bond forgery, but there are several other crimes you’re suspected of that we can’t prove you did.” He met Neal’s eyes, seeing the desperation and apology in them. “Honestly, the most I can do for you is try to get you a decent cell.”

The younger man nodded, gazing at Peter unseeingly. He never imagined _Peter_ arresting him. If anything, he’d dreamt of Peter pretending to arrest him, which led to several different sexual scenarios. “How long is my sentence?”

“Four years,” Peter said quietly. Neal gaped at him, his expression full of pain. “I’m sorry, Neal. There’s nothing else I can offer you at this moment in time.” He regretted coming in to see Neal. He hated seeing him this way. He’d comforted Neal from afar during a particularly rough breakup the young man experienced. That had been three years ago and Neal still had no idea who sent him such sweet letters, bundles of flowers, and boxes of chocolate. He always received something sweet on his birthday and on Valentine’s Day. He had no idea that it’d been Peter the whole time. Neal was intrigued by his mystery lover, but he never managed to catch him. He knew it was a _him_ because of the way the letters were written. They were extremely sweet, but definitely expressed a bit of nervousness and authority, which he liked. He also didn’t care for women, so he assumed a man was interested in him.

Peter loved the smiles he put on Neal’s face every year. So far, he had yet to give Neal a birthday present. This definitely wasn’t what he had in mind when he was trying to think of a good gift. “You’re doing your job,” Neal said respectfully. “I can’t and won’t ask you to go easy on me. You saved me once and I won’t ask you to do it again.”

The older man’s chest felt hollowed, more so than usual. “I’d… All right.” A small trickle of blood slid down the side of Neal’s face. It was very miniscule, unless you craved blood. “How did you get so roughed up?”

“One of my _partners_ took me out for some drinks. Matthew Keller—he and I have worked on cons together.” Peter’s surprise was well hidden as he watched Neal. He had no idea that Neal was living this way. Whenever he saw Neal, the young man was acting like a commendable citizen. Never would he have believed Neal capable of committing crimes. “I was… I was backing out of a con and he wasn’t very happy with that, obviously. He started out by hitting me with his bottle and then it got really physical.” His eyes hardened as he said, “Then your agents picked me up while Keller got away.” Before Peter could respond, Neal growled, “I’m not a murderer. He _is._ They accused me of assisting in several murders that I was nowhere near when they happened.”

Peter nodded, resting his other hand atop both of Neal’s. “I know you aren’t a murderer,” Peter said quietly. “It was accusation through association, Neal. We have no proof that you were involved, so we can’t hold you on that.”

“Agent Berrigan told me the marshals are coming to pick me up,” he said quietly. “So… I suppose this is goodbye then.”

When Neal looked at Peter, Peter knew there was some underlying attraction. Perhaps Neal wouldn’t admit to it, but it was definitely there. “You’ll be out in four years,” Peter said gently. “This isn’t goodbye. We’ll… We’ll see each other again.”

Neal looked skeptical as a marshal came into the room. “Peter,” he pleaded, getting Peter’s full attention. “I have a lover. He… He sends me gifts on Valentine’s Day and my birthday.” His eyes lowered to the table as he asked, “Do I have the right to ask if you could bring them to me until I’m free again?”

Peter gave him a small smile. Neal called him his lover—and Neal didn’t realize it. “I can do that for you,” Peter said softly. It gave him an excuse to see Neal two days out of the year for the next four years.

“Thank you,” he said, sounding eternally grateful. He rose from the chair and was being escorted out of the interrogation room. He paused beside Peter briefly, looking down at the older man sadly. “I’m sorry for ending up like this after what you did for me,” he whispered, resting his hands on Peter’s shoulder. The agent lifted one hand to squeeze Neal’s fingers. “I’ll…change, Agent Peter.”

Peter nodded slowly, believing the young man. There didn’t seem to be a single ounce of evil in him, so Peter knew he’d turn himself around. “Take care of yourself, Neal.” He released Neal’s fingers and refused to turn around to watch the marshal escort Neal out. He sat in the interrogation room for quite some time alone, wondering how the angel he’d rescued became a criminal without his knowledge. When did he miss a change this drastic? It made him feel empty inside, realizing he didn’t know Neal as well as he thought he did. Regardless of the file he’d built on Neal, he’d never once realized how involved Neal was in the crime world. It bothered him because he thought he’d done something good for Neal, helped him set a good future for himself. Now, he only saw himself as losing his status of hero in Neal’s eyes as he became the villain Neal tried to evade for a little over two years. He believed Neal could come out of this as a reformed man and he certainly hoped he was right. Four years was plenty of time for Neal to consider things.

•◊•

In the dark of the night, a man stumbled out into an alleyway, laughing as another man followed him in the same state. They were obviously intoxicated, but neither of them received sympathy from the man watching them fiercely. Their attacker never considered himself to be a very violent man, but this was justice—and revenge simultaneously. He knew what he’d done was wrong as soon as the bodies were drained of their life. He left them as the sky rained down on them heavily.

The remnants of their blood seeped down the incline, dripping through a storm drain. It would all wind up in the sewer—a fitting end to people as undeserving of life as they were. It was a risqué judgment, but their attacker decided to go through with his rage. He couldn’t handle the thought of letting someone like this man run free while others suffered at his hands or by his actions. The other victim was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and no witnesses could be left alive or he risked exposing himself.

He crept into the shadows, leaving his prey behind. His task was completed and he felt fulfilled. Now, all he had to do was patiently _wait._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal is desperate and Peter keeps trying to help him.

Two years into his sentence, Neal was miserable. Prison wasn’t bad. It was the fact that he wasn’t home, that he couldn’t check his mail everyday to see if his mystery lover wrote to him. Two years of being stuck in here and he hadn’t gotten a single letter. He assumed Peter might have confiscated them, but it made no sense for him to keep the letters and bring the gifts. All he needed was one letter, one small item with such elegant handwriting to keep his hope intact. It would’ve kept him connected to said lover, but he hadn’t been allowed that connection and the man hadn’t sent him any letters in prison nor did he come by to visit. He laid on his cot, staring up at the ceiling in his cell. These men were true criminals. All he’d done was forge bonds. He hadn’t killed anyone or done something terrible, so he felt that he didn’t deserve to be here.

Neal closed his eyes, resting his hands on his stomach. He had no friends in prison. There were a couple guys looking out for him once they realized he was being targeted by certain types of inmates, but they weren’t close enough to be considered friends. For the first time in a long time, he felt lonely. His mystery lover probably gave up on him. Peter hadn’t come in with a Valentine’s Day gift last month and he certainly wasn’t expecting Peter to come in with a birthday present for him today.

He couldn’t really blame the man for quitting. Prison kind of interfered in their complicated relationship. He still found himself wishing he’d stayed on the right track. Peter saved him from that house fire eleven years ago and he should’ve shown his gratitude by abiding the law. He didn’t know where he went wrong, but it happened shortly after Ellen told him the truth about his father. All of his efforts to push to become a police officer were for _nothing._

The sound of a baton hitting the door of his cell startled him. “Caffrey, you’ve got a visitor.”

“Short guy or serious looking guy?” The guard didn’t entirely care about their names. He just used descriptions and Neal knew which one was which.

“Serious looking guy.”

Neal nodded, swinging his legs over the side of his cot. He pushed himself up and waited for the cell to be unlocked. As soon as he stepped out, he held his hands out, waiting for the cuffs. This was routine for him. He didn’t have very many visits, but he knew the drill.

He was led into the room he always met his visitors in, sitting across from the other man. “Neal,” he breathed, smiling softly up at the man he’d put into this prison.

“Agent Peter,” Neal said good-naturedly, smiling in return. He realized he definitely had Stockholm syndrome if he could smile at the man who locked him up. He put his hands on the table like he was supposed to and Peter glanced at the cuffs, his smile faltering. “How’ve you been? It’s been a few months.”

Peter folded his hands on the tabletop. “I’m sorry for not coming by. Things got hectic at the bureau. Some cases were taking up a lot of my time.” He gave Neal a tentative look. “I hope you don’t hate me for—”

“Um, you put me here and I don’t hate you,” Neal said, cocking an eyebrow. “Missing a few visits _definitely_ makes me hate you,” he added sarcastically.

Peter gave him a wry smile before sobering up. “Well, I was going to beg for your forgiveness, but I feel like giving you these might make up for my thoughtlessness.” Neal’s lips parted as Peter pulled a box up from the floor and set it on the table. He pulled the contents of it out for Neal since Neal didn’t mind if he saw what was inside—even though Peter already knew because _he_ was the one giving the gifts to Neal in the first place. “I bought fresh chocolates for you since I kind of missed that one. Somehow, the flowers were taken care of.”

Somehow indeed, he thought wryly, seeing in his mind how diligently Elizabeth tended to Neal’s flowers while Peter was caught up in his work.

Neal didn’t mean to tune him out, but he was ecstatic to see that his mystery lover was still interested. Peter went silent, admiring Neal. He could hear the other man’s heart beating wildly as he looked over the chocolates. Neal kept wondering how his lover knew what kind of chocolates and flowers he liked. At first, it was strange, but he found it extremely sweet as time went on. He set the chocolates down on the table, grinning as Peter slid his birthday present towards him. “It’s crazy,” Neal said, shaking his head, chuckling. “He knows me so well and I’ve never met him.” He opened the gift and his lips parted once again. This time, his eyes watered. He’d been given a collection of Edgar Allan Poe’s writings with a short note attached to the top of Tell-Tale Heart, saying, ‘ _Invisible things are the only realities._ ’ Neal rubbed his eyes with his palms, laughing shakily. He really wanted to meet this man. He didn’t even need the letters. That simple line stolen from one of Poe’s stories was enough to carry him for his last two years in prison.

“Neal, are you okay?”

The younger man nodded. “I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s like he knows every possible way to make me happy.” He smiled sadly at Peter. “I just wonder why he’s stuck around this long without speaking to me directly.”

Peter shrugged. “Maybe he’s afraid that you won’t be happy around him.”

Neal looked affronted. “God. Having him with me would be a dream. The letters and gifts are amazing, but nothing beats the human touch.”

_Human._ Peter realized he’d never be able to tell Neal the truth. Neal would expect to grow old with his lover and Peter wouldn’t age a day past his current age. He looked about forty, but he was about four hundred in reality. Neal’s twenty-three. What twenty-three year old wants to be with someone who’s _four hundred?_ “All you can do is wait, I guess,” Peter said quietly. He felt bad for leading Neal on. The young man kept expecting his mystery lover to appear one day and sweep him off his feet and into a life of everlasting love and happiness. He wished more than anything that he could be human again—just so he could grow old beside Neal. But no, he would have to watch as Neal aged and died—leaving him. If he was in love with Peter unknowingly, he might die alone and Peter didn’t want that for him.

“Can I ask what you’ve done with the rest of my mail?”

“I’ve left it inside your apartment. You asked me to bring you these gifts, so I’ve made damn sure I was able to grab them without any problems.” He smiled at Neal. “You’ll have plenty of reading to do when you get home though. He sends you letters every day.”

“I don’t understand why he’s never come here or at least sent letters to me here. He’s got to know I’m not home.”

Peter nodded slowly, wishing desperately that he could change his life and be everything Neal wanted. He truly hated himself for loving this man, but he couldn’t help it. When he saw Neal for the first time, stuck inside his burning house, he knew something was meant to come out of their meeting. After witnessing Neal’s breakup with a serious lover, he stepped forward and took care of Neal, but he never realized Neal would fall in love with him, too. He’d stalked Neal from the age of twelve, watching as he grew up. He knew Neal dropped out of high school in his senior year and he wondered if the boyfriend he’d had at the time was the reason. After all, said boyfriend broke Neal’s heart.

Because that man hurt Neal, Peter lashed out. He’d never admit to Neal that his ex-lover was dead because Peter killed him. He’d sucked the life right out of that man without hesitation. He was five years older than Neal and he’d played with Neal’s heart, used and abused his body. Peter sympathized for Neal, tormenting himself by watching Neal sob alone in his apartment. He couldn’t have come back into Neal’s life and helped him like an actual lover would. He might have killed Neal if they spent so much physical time together, which is why Peter limited his number of visitations. He’d spared the world of a cruel man who twisted his lovers’ hearts until they were unable to go back to normal. He hurt Neal and Peter felt that the man didn’t deserve to live after hurting someone so precious and innocent.

Looking at Neal’s face now, he realized that the twenty-three year old man was still just as innocent and precious. Neal didn’t know how true love felt until his mystery lover came into his life. He’d suffered emotionally for a few months following the breakup, but Peter made damn sure he put a smile on Neal’s face if he could. “I’m sure there’s a reason,” Peter whispered. “I can’t think of one at the moment.” He tried to think of something to tell Neal that didn’t include exposing himself as a vampire, a creature that could snap Neal’s neck before Neal realized it was about to happen.

“I appreciate this, Peter,” Neal murmured. “You don’t know how lonely it is here.” He glanced towards the wall, sighing. “Some guys are…interested in me, but it’s… It’s not what I want.” He focused on the table and gestured at the gifts. “This is what I want—what I need: someone who understands me, knows me.”

Peter nodded, smiling sadly. “I’m sure he’s waiting for you to get out of here, Neal.”

Something sparked in Neal’s eyes and Peter tried to figure out what it was, but it was gone as quickly as it came. “Maybe,” he whispered. “Guess I’ll find out when I’m free again.”

Something wasn’t right and Peter knew it. Neal’s smile was different somehow, but he didn’t know what that meant.

•◊•

Peter was en route to a suspect’s home when his phone blared his generic ringtone. He used the car to answer it once he realized it was a call from the bureau. “This is Burke.”

“ _Peter, Caffrey’s escaped._ ”

“When?” he asked, surprised. Neal’s four year sentence was going to come to an end in a month.

“ _An hour ago._ ”

He swore under his breath, hanging up. Neal had no reason to break out of prison as far as he was concerned. He stopped bringing gifts to Neal last year, figuring he should try to break away from Neal. _That,_ Peter realized, must be why Neal broke out. He was desperate and lonely and couldn’t handle it anymore.

Neal’s mail was being confiscated over the past year or so, and Peter told him exactly where that mail was being taken.

Needless to say, he wasn’t disappointed when he arrived at the storage building to find Neal perched on the stairs, looking absolutely miserable. Peter got out of his car and started walking towards Neal. Neal didn’t even look up at him, clutching one of his letters tightly in his fingers. Peter knew which one it was. It was his letter, begging Neal for forgiveness because he couldn’t wait for Neal anymore. It was a terrible blow, but Peter had to do it. He couldn’t let Neal fall in love with him. “He’s gone,” Neal murmured. “He wasn’t willing to wait for me.”

Peter frowned when Neal finally looked up at him. He was blinking back tears. “I’m sorry, Neal,” Peter whispered.

“Six years was a good run,” Neal said, lowering his head. “I should’ve known it wasn’t going to last, but I…kept hoping he’d wait.” He shook his head, lifting his hand to palm his tears away. “It was selfish and stupid of me to expect that of him.”

The older man tentatively took a seat beside Neal, resting a hand on the young man’s thigh. “You’re neither selfish nor stupid, Neal. It was cruel of him to twist your heart and keep stringing you along.” He felt exactly that way about himself. He should’ve pulled himself out of his fantasy where he and Neal could have the perfect life together early on. Neal was going to get another four years of jail time because of him and Peter hated himself for that. He could’ve held out and kept sending Neal gifts for the last two years of his sentence. Cutting that off from Neal was the equivalent of forcing Neal’s heart to stop beating. “You’re going to get another four years,” Peter whispered, frowning.

“I don’t care,” Neal said bitterly. “I’m alone now. I don’t have anyone to go back to when I get out.” This wasn’t how he wanted Neal to live. Neal acted as though he never wanted to be with anyone else and that crushed Peter.

Sirens started blaring as they came down the road. Neal sighed dejectedly, slumping his shoulders. Peter rubbed his thigh, wishing he could have given Neal what he wanted. “Who knows, maybe you’ll find someone in four years,” he said gently. He tried not to sound hopeful because it was killing him to imagine Neal with another man.

Neal shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Tell them I did something to get me locked up for life,” he whispered.

Peter couldn’t do that. He couldn’t let Neal spend the rest of his life in a prison cell—alone. “Neal, how do you feel about work release?”

The younger man looked at him, confused. “You’re offering?” he asked quietly, sounding like he didn’t believe it. Peter nodded, urging Neal to hurry up. “It depends. If I have to work with you, then I’m willing. If I have to work for someone else, I’d much rather stay in prison.”

Just as the cars began pulling up near them, Peter and Neal rose to their feet. Peter was subconsciously holding Neal’s hand and the younger man felt comforted by the gesture. “I’m going to work on this. I’ll come see you in a week and tell you what I can.”

Neal slowly slipped his hand out of Peter’s and threw his hands up as the agents neared him. He’d never hurt Peter and he hates guns, so they had nothing to worry about. They didn’t want to assume anything though. His arms were wrenched behind him and cuffed and his eyes were locked on Peter. “A week,” he agreed as they began to drag him away.

Peter watched this time as Neal was dragged away. He hadn’t been able to when the marshals took him. He gave the young man some hope though, even if he felt alone and unable to find love again. He just hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.

Later in the evening, Elizabeth took Peter out to hunt. They were a little ways away from New York, but it didn’t matter when you could run faster than the speed of light. “You’re worried about something,” she said, giving him a knowing look as she wiped the blood of a deer away from her lips. “I’m assuming—based on how hungry you are—that it has to do with Neal.”

“He broke out of prison today,” he whispered. “There was a month left of his sentence and he blew it because of me.” There was a long pause as he finished his deer and pushed it aside. “He just doesn’t know he made the mistake of chasing me. El, I’ve complicated his life. I tried to help him, but I’ve ruined him.”

She shook her head, sighing. “Hon, if he knew you were his secret love, he’d love you all the more.”

“You know damn well why I can’t tell him it’s me.”

Elizabeth did know and she’d been trying to tell Peter to forget about their laws. She insisted that he could tell Neal if Neal promised he wouldn’t expose them. He didn’t think Neal would do that to them, but there was no way of telling. For as aggressive as Neal could seem, Peter was sure he’d scare Neal off in a second upon saying ‘oh, by the way, I suck blood for food and could kill you in a millisecond.’ “Peter, you love him. You’ve loved him for eleven years.” He growled, wishing she’d stop adding salt to the wound. “The only way you could absolutely get away with telling him would be to turn—”

He spun to face her, his expression livid. “I refuse to do this to him,” he hissed. “Neal can live a life of his own and die when he’s meant to. I will not make him a monster.”

She was in front of him in a second, resting her hands on his chest. “We aren’t monsters, Peter,” she said softly. “Remember how uncontrolled you were when you were a fledgling?” He scowled at her and she continued. “I helped you get through that. I know you could do the same for Neal if it came to that.”

“It can’t come to that. El, I… His heart—the beat of his heart—is beautiful. If I turn him, his heart will never beat again. He’ll lose his humanity and become something he doesn’t want to be.”

“You can’t make that decision for him,” she whispered. “If he knew you were the sweetheart giving your love to him all this time, you’d be irresistible, hon.” She hugged him, sighing softly. “You need to let him make the decision. If he loves you and is willing to join us, then let him. If he can’t join us, you _do_ have the ability to clear his memory of the conversation.”

Peter slid out of her arms, shaking his head. He turned away from her, exasperated. “I’m an FBI agent, El, and he’s a felon. If all goes well, he’ll be my confidential informant.” He wasn’t happy when he said that and Elizabeth picked up on that. “We can’t stay here much longer. People will start wondering why I haven’t aged in a decade.”

She understood now. “You’re afraid that you’ll have to leave him behind.”

He turned and gave her a sad look. “I’d have left years ago, El. We never stay in the same place long, but he… I need him and I don’t know why.” His eyes flickered to the ground and then back to Elizabeth’s face. “Whenever I’m near him, I crave him. I don’t know if it’s because his blood is so potent or because I’m insane and I’ve fallen for him.”

“I’d say it’s probably a little bit of both, hon.” Peter dropped down onto a rock overlooking a waterfall, hanging his head. “If you need to wait for his sentence to end, then we can stay, Peter, but you can’t leave without telling him how you feel about him and what you are. It’ll eat at you forever and you’ll regret it when he’s passed.”

Peter continued to frown. He could just see himself standing in front of Neal’s casket, looking at his love—his still and pale love. He saw himself standing before Neal’s headstone, wishing he’d broken his moral code, wishing he’d changed Neal so he could keep the young man forever. “Four years,” he whispered. “In four years, I’ll tell him the truth. If he freaks out, I’ll erase his memory of the conversation.”

“And if he tells you he loves you?”

He looked down at the waterfall. “Then I’ll ask for his opinion on leaving—on becoming one of us.”

•◊•

A week later, as Peter promised, Peter met with Neal. When Neal came into the cell to see him, Peter was startled to see how ragged he looked. In the span of a week, he looked like he’d aged a decade. “Peter,” Neal said quietly, his eyes never meeting Peter’s as he sat down across from the other man.

“Neal, are you okay?” Neal nodded slowly, staring at the table. He looked as though he hadn’t slept once during the week. His hands were shaking, his heartbeat was erratic, hair unkempt, and he still couldn’t meet Peter’s eyes. “Are you being mistreated?” he asked quietly, leaning closer to Neal.

“No.”

Peter knew he was lying. “You can talk to me,” he said gently.

“What’s the verdict?” Peter gave him a confused look. “On the work release. You said you’d have something to tell me about it today.”

“Oh. Well, if you’re still willing, the option is available to you.” Neal nodded slowly once again. “Neal, are you really okay?”

The younger man deflected with a question of his own. “When do I get out of here to work for you?”

Sighing, Peter said, “We can leave as soon as you’re ready. The tracking anklet was given to a guard, so said guard will be locking it around your ankle.”

Something was really wrong, but he didn’t know what it was. Neal was eager to leave though. He asked to go back to his cell to grab a few things and then he was escorted to the guard who had his anklet. It was put on in front of Peter. Once everyone was sure it was secure, Neal’s cuffs were removed and he was allowed to walk out with Peter. “Thank you,” Neal said quietly, hands in his pockets.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now that we’re alone?”

Both men paused simultaneously. Neal stared at the cement before sighing. “It hasn’t been…okay. I was being mistreated, but it was by other inmates. I stopped leaving my cell four days ago.”

“What did they do to you?” Peter asked, terrified that Neal had been seriously hurt.

Neal shrugged. “Nothing major. Just a few threats and hits.”

Peter frowned as they started walking again. “You haven’t eaten in four days?” Neal nodded. “All right. We’re going to get you something before we do anything else.”

“That’s really not necess—”

“I’d prefer it if you ate something,” Peter said a bit too firmly. Neal remembered the feeling of terror when Peter’s voice was full of authority. He’d scared Neal once in the car several years ago and he’d just done it again. His only response to that would have been another ‘yes, sir,’ but he remained silent, nodding as his heart pounded in his chest. Both men climbed into Peter’s Taurus in silence. Neal gave Peter a sidelong glance after buckling himself in and realized that Peter was tense. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I was being unnecessarily forceful out there.”

Neal shook his head. “It’s all right.”

Peter knew he’d scared Neal again. He could hear his heart hammering. He realized that he really needed to watch when he was putting force behind his words. It was what allowed him to compel humans, to make them do whatever he wanted them to do. The last thing he wanted was to use that on Neal, to make _Neal_ do something he couldn’t stop himself from doing because Peter asked it of him. Neal wasn’t like anyone else. He was unique somehow and Peter didn’t want to use Neal. He couldn’t compel Neal the way he’d compelled others in the past. He didn’t think he could erase Neal’s memory if things didn’t go well in four years either. That seemed like he’d be taking advantage of the man he loves.

Above all else, he didn’t want Neal to be afraid of him. He’d never hurt Neal. He could never suck Neal’s blood even though he was tempted. There was a line between hunger and love and love always won. It’s what kept him from draining the life out of children and other innocent people. His targeted victims were people who’d done serious crimes—or hurt Neal—and he made sure they suffered as he killed them to revitalize himself.

He would protect Neal until Neal died. That was his silent, unknown promise to Neal. Peter saved him from the house fire, kept him alive for a reason he didn’t know just yet, and fell in love with the boy as he became an adult. “Neal, can I ask you something?”

The young man gave Peter a wary look before slowly answering, “Shoot.”

“What happened to you?” Neal was affronted, feeling that the question was extremely judgmental. Peter noticed that Neal tensed and amended with, “What made you become a criminal? That’s what I meant.”

“The reason is stupid,” Neal mumbled. “I just did it for fun, I guess.”

Peter silently vowed that he’d get Neal to answer that question sometime soon. He really wanted to know what’d happened to that little boy. Neal was an angel, even while he was a criminal on the side. He knew that Neal was better than this and he hoped he could turn Neal around, help him stay on the right side of the law.

They were silent for the duration of their ride. Peter didn’t know what to say after he asked Neal where he wanted to eat. The younger man said anywhere cheap was fine and Peter felt inclined to take him somewhere he could splurge his endless supply of money on Neal. Perhaps he would someday. Then again, he may not have the opportunity. If Neal is revolted by the truth, Peter leaves him behind to live a human life where Peter never existed. If Neal chooses to live in Peter’s world, he’d become a creature that wouldn’t be satiated by human meals any longer.

Peter never admitted to himself that he was truly afraid of anything until he met Neal. He realized he was afraid of losing Neal, of watching Neal die painfully, of Neal looking at him in a tremendous amount of fear. He was afraid of what Neal was doing to him unknowingly. Until eleven years ago, Peter never dreamt of love. He’d gone without it far too long and was getting accustomed to living his life with only Elizabeth’s familial love. If he were to take a mate someday in the future, the only mate he wanted was this young man. He still didn’t understand why. Maybe he’d learned the reason he’d become so attached to Neal someday.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's struggling with his urges while around Neal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure why I stopped working on this story, but if you're still interested in reading this, you can thank Suzanne for messaging me via twitter. She encouraged me to update this fic, so I did. :)

“Peter. Peter, please. Don’t hurt me.” Neal’s voice trembled as he was backed into a corner by the older man. He didn’t understand what was happening, but Peter looked menacing—and Peter was hungry. “Peter,” he whispered, pleading.

Before Neal even realized it, Peter’s teeth were embedded into his skin and he went limp in Peter’s arms. Peter sucked the life out of Neal, finally tasting what he’d only dreamt about for over a decade.

When he’d finished, he dropped Neal’s lifeless body down to the ground.

Peter cried out as he sat up in bed. He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep, but he found himself craving Neal’s presence now. If he let his control slip, he could easily wander over to Neal’s rented apartment, enter, and do everything he wanted to do to Neal. He rubbed his eyes, realizing he was actually thinking about drinking Neal’s blood, about _killing_ Neal—the man he loves.

He found himself on autopilot and when he came back to reality, he was standing in Neal’s apartment. Terror shot through him. He immediately looked around to make sure he hadn’t killed Neal, which he was fortunate to see was accurate. Neal was sleeping on his big bed, big enough for two people. He listened to Neal breathe and watched Neal’s back rise and fall with each breath he took.

This was the closest he’d gotten to Neal when he felt this need. It was dangerous—for both of them. He silently stepped closer, standing at Neal’s bedside. He loved how peaceful Neal looked then. He’d never actually been able to see Neal’s face when he slept, but he was given the opportunity to see it now. Neal’s lips were parted ever so slightly, his eyes fluttering as he slept. Peter noticed that Neal’s upper body was exposed, so he found himself staring at the expanse of Neal’s back. He slid the blanket down towards Neal’s waist, licking his lips as he heard Neal’s beating heart, smelled Neal’s blood.

He was startled when Neal shifted in his sleep, moaning something quietly. Peter swore it was his name, but he wasn’t sure if he were imagining that or not. He pulled the blanket back up to Neal’s shoulders and focused on the rhythm of his heartbeat. “Why are you so special?” Peter whispered to himself as he stared at Neal. He didn’t understand why he was so attracted to Neal, why he wanted Neal this badly and was unable to will himself to kill Neal. He could end all of this now. He’d done it before. The only difference was that he hadn’t loved his victim before.

Peter leaned closer to Neal, closing his eyes as he inhaled the younger man’s scent. Humans never smelled this good to him. They usually made his mouth water until he was able to get them alone because they’d smelled distinctly of _blood_ , but he’d been trying to break himself of that habit unless it was absolutely necessary. Neal made him hungry with a different kind of need and his scent was different from others.

Realizing that he’d probably kill Neal in his sleep if he stayed any longer, he forced himself to leave. He didn’t want to be away from the younger man, but he couldn’t handle the idea of killing him, of hearing him scream or gasp with his dying breath. He didn’t want to hold the lifeless form of his love.

He went out on his own to hunt for at least an hour before returning home to find Elizabeth waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. “Did you—?”

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head. She nodded slowly, giving him a small smile. “Almost though.” He blew past her, lying down on his bed once he was in his room. Elizabeth came in to join him, sitting by his legs. “I was right there. I went into his home, into his bedroom. I stood beside his bed and practically salivated like a dog being teased by fresh meat.”

She rubbed his leg, smiling softly. “You’ve exercised your great willpower, my dear. I know how much he tempts you.” He wasn’t comforted by her words, but she was right. “You really do love him if you were able to let him live.”

He didn’t believe that. It meant nothing to him that he’d spared Neal’s life this time. For all he knew, that might be the last time he sees Neal alive. There was always the very likely possibility that he’d kill Neal without cause or realization. “I can’t love him,” he snapped. “It’s forbidden and impossible.”

“Love is neither of those things,” she whispered. “You can love him…”

Peter inferred what she wasn’t saying. “…but I’d have to change him.” Those words were always bitter. He hadn’t wanted to become this creature of the night. He didn’t want that for Neal. This life had been forced upon him because his attacker hadn’t _killed_ him. To this day, he still doesn’t know if his attacker intended for him to transform. He was on the very brink of death when Elizabeth found him.

He couldn’t imagine seeing Neal that way, pleading with his eyes for a swift death to bypass the excruciating pain of the transformation. Peter wouldn’t be able to watch. He didn’t think he could handle it. If he did, he’d be as heartless as he claims to be. “Four years, hon. Four years can change a lot of things.”

Peter nodded silently. He was about ninety percent sure he wouldn’t be here for the duration of Neal’s work release. El would probably force him to stay though. She’s a hell of a lot stronger than him and she wanted him to be with Neal. He felt as miserable as he felt giddy around Neal. Miserable because he knew the consequences of his attraction and giddy _because_ of his attraction. It was so strange to him how he could love this man with a burning passion and Neal didn’t even know it. He just had no idea at all.

A few hours later, he drove over to Neal’s apartment and waited for the young man to get dressed and come outside so Peter could take him to work. He heard the shower turn off, a muttered, “Fuck,” and then he knew Neal was rushing around to get dressed. In about five minutes, Neal was outside and looking gorgeous as ever, which was beyond Peter’s understanding. He opened the passenger side door and got in, buckling himself up. As he shifted around, his scent attacked Peter viciously. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. It wasn’t enough to break it in any way, fortunately. Explaining that to Neal would have been quite the feat. “Morning,” Neal said quietly after he settled.

Peter began driving them to work. “Morning, Neal.” The drive was very quiet and he wondered if something were on Neal’s mind that kept him from speaking. Neal didn’t seem nearly as energetic as he’s been the last several times he’s taken Neal to work. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah. Didn’t sleep very well is all.”

Peter wondered if he’d interrupted Neal’s sleep at all. He hadn’t been awake when Peter was there as far as Peter knew. “That’s not going to work very well for you if you want to keep doing good work to keep you out of prison,” he said gently. He glanced over to see Neal nod slowly. “Do you need to talk about anything?”

Neal laughed without a hint of mirth. “Did you get a degree in psychology while I was in prison?”

Peter gave him a wry smile. “Just offering you a listening ear is all.”

“I’m all right,” Neal said eventually. “Nothing to worry about. It won’t affect my work with you.”

And it didn’t. Neal helped him find a missing child hours after the parents had come in to report it. It’d been Neal who knew exactly where she was after they’d received a threat and a warning in the form of a video. He’d been there repeatedly and Peter was never happier to have a criminal on his side than he was at that particular moment. Neal was happier as the day wore on because he’d done something good—something he put a lot more pride into than he did his cons.

Peter brought Neal back to the bureau to fill out reports. Neal never looked forward to writing reports, but he did it efficiently nonetheless. Around seven o’clock, a light knock hit Peter’s office door. He’d heard Neal coming long beforehand, but still called out, “Come in.” Neal pushed the door open and brought his report in to give to Peter. He picked it up from the desk and read it briefly, nodding. He looked up to see how exhausted Neal was and said, “You did a good job today, Neal. Go home and get some rest, all right?”

“Thanks, Peter.” He gave the older man a grin before making his way out.

He watched Neal and Neal’s scent hit him tenfold. “Neal.” Neal paused at the stairs, turning to look as Peter got up and walked towards him. He wasn’t sure about his conscious thinking. His eyes were drawn to Neal’s neck, listening to his pulse from afar. The young man gave him a perplexed expression, almost as if he were asking what Peter wanted without the words. “If you ever want to, you know, hang out at any point…” He trailed off. He wasn’t intentionally interested in spending so much time with Neal in close proximity, but he desperately wanted to even if he _shouldn’t._

Neal chuckled, nodding. “Gotcha, Agent Peter,” he said with a wink.

Peter smiled at the old nickname from the little boy he’d watched grow into this man. “All right. Good night, Neal.”

“Good night, Peter. See you in the morning.”

•◊•

“You’re inviting him over for dinner tomorrow.” Peter raised his eyebrow as he closed his laptop. “We can pretend to eat human food. You’re bringing him home with you tomorrow and I don’t want to hear any protesting, Peter Burke.” Peter sighed, shaking his head. “If you don’t invite him, I will.”

Peter sighed again. “El, I don’t understand you sometimes. You know firsthand how hard it is to live with yourself after you’ve slaughtered someone you fell in love with. Are you _trying_ to make me experience that pain firsthand?”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “No. You’re so blind sometimes.” She took a seat beside him on their couch and added, “You’re a different person than I am. I didn’t have more than a decade to prepare myself for his presence. I killed him because I tempted myself with the idea of drinking from him.” She still regrets what happened, but there was nothing she could do to change it now. “You’ve had _years_ and plenty of opportunity, but Neal is still alive.”

“I could kill him,” he growled. “My point is that I have the capability of accidentally taking his life. Do you want me to live with that? You know how I feel about him. Bringing him here to eat and drink with us… That’s a recipe for disaster.”

“Then you better find something better to cook for him.” He stared at her in disbelief as she walked away from him. “I know you went hunting already, but I need to go out. I’ll be back soon, okay, sweetie?” Peter nodded and watched her go, sighing once she was gone.

Peter wandered up to his bedroom and stood beside the bookcase there before focusing on the area beneath his bed. He knew what was down there, but he didn’t know if he wanted to look at it. He would see the monster he is deep down.

Kneeling beside his bed, he pulled a box out from underneath it. It was a simple, average sized box. Pulling the lid off, he looked at the two sides he’d split into it. On the left were his pictures of Neal, his files and folders about Neal, some recordings he had because he wanted to listen to Neal’s voice. He felt like a pervert because he’d recorded Neal speaking to whoever had been his boyfriend at the time. It meant a lot to Peter because Neal said he loved that boyfriend repeatedly and the boyfriend’s voice wasn’t on the recording. He could listen to Neal say ‘I love you’ all day and all night, telling himself that Neal was saying it to him rather than some man who’d eventually broken Neal’s heart.

While the left side was filled with everything that had to do with Neal, the right was…darker. He took pictures of the men and women he’d killed. They were the ones who hurt Neal. Whether it was emotional or physical hurt, they’d hurt Neal nonetheless and Peter wouldn’t allow them to live. He’d killed them to protect Neal. They could never hurt him again.

He loathed himself for taking so many lives, so many more lives than he ever wanted to take, but he’d done all of this for Neal. He spared Neal of more pain and suffering. Maybe he’d taken things too far, but he loves Neal too much to allow those who hurt him to live.

As he was stuck in that mindset, he didn’t realize someone was knocking on the front door. And it wasn’t just anyone. “Shit,” he whispered, closing the box quickly. He shoved it as far under the bed as he could before getting up and attempting to go downstairs at a regular, human pace. He opened the door tentatively and smiled warmly at the man in front of him. “Hey, Neal.” Neal looked a little upset and he opened his mouth to, as Peter assumed, apologize for coming and leave. “Why don’t you come in?”

Neal nodded and forced a small smile, stepping in once Peter moved aside. Peter stared at the doorway, trying to get himself under control. He could see the next few moments going in many different directions. He could be Neal’s friend and help him through whatever was on his mind, he could kill Neal and be forced to hide the body, or he could ravage Neal’s body in the most sexual way Neal’s ever experienced. Peter was all kinds of turned on. From his direct sexual hunger to his need for blood, he wanted Neal in more ways than one. “I’m sorry for just dropping by. For all I know, you have something going on and…”

Peter shut the door and turned around, shaking his head. “I’m not busy. I was just relaxing.” A lie, but not an extreme lie. He’d been relaxed when he looked at images of Neal upstairs and thought about the ‘I love you’ recording. The images of his victims were what caused his inner turmoil. If he ever did tell Neal about what he is and be accepted by Neal, would Neal accept that Peter had gone to extremes to protect him? “Make yourself at home.” Neal’s smile seemed a little more genuine as he took a seat on the couch and glanced up at Peter. “Can I get you anything to drink? I think we have some beer.”

“We?”

“Oh, uh…” He forgot to mention Elizabeth to Neal. He never intended on having him meet her, especially if Neal was terrified by the fact that Peter’s a ‘monster.’ “Yeah. A friend of mine lives with me. We’ve been living together for a long time. She’s pretty much like my sister—and acts like my mother sometimes, too.” Neal chuckled and Peter grinned at him. Neal’s laugh—chuckle or full laugh—was beautiful music to his ears. “I think you’d like her.”

Neal nodded, his smile touching his eyes now. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer. I could honestly use a drink and it’s probably best to drink while in the company of somebody I can trust.” Had Peter’s heart been beating, it might feel like it was about to burst out of his chest. The little comment touched Peter more than Neal realized.

Peter headed into the kitchen and was fortunate to have the beer he’d promised Neal. He cracked it open—gently—for Neal and brought it out to him. “So… What’s driven you to drink?” he asked tentatively as he held out the bottle.

The younger man took it from him gratefully and took a swig, thinking through whatever it was that was on his mind before meeting Peter’s gaze. “It’s that…guy. The one who sent me gifts and letters.” Peter’s heart felt like it was sinking into the abyss. Whether or not he had a heartbeat, he still felt the pangs of guilt, of sadness… “I’ve been thinking about him a lot. I guess I just need someone to tell me he’s a lost cause—or I’m the lost cause.”

Taking a seat beside Neal, Peter whispered, “You’re not a lost cause. I mean, look at you. You’re a gorgeous—” His eyes widened as Neal’s own did the same. Neal hadn’t been expecting Peter to compliment him—not like this. He fell for Peter when he was younger and Peter still appeared in his dreams every now and then, but he loves the mystery man who showed him what it was like to have someone love him. “You’re better looking than most guys,” he said quickly, hoping that Neal wouldn’t look into his initial comment much. Hell, the second one, too, for that matter. “That guy probably wasn’t the one for you even if it felt like he was. He abandoned you when you needed him most. What kind of lover does that?”

Neal shrugged, relaxing. He’d already drunk half the bottle by this point and Peter assumed that it didn’t help when he’d accidentally complimented Neal’s appearance. “He was unhappy. I can’t blame him,” Neal whispered. “Who wants to wait for a felon? I spent nearly half a decade in a prison cell and I’m going to spend the next few years working for you. He didn’t deserve this. He deserves someone he can give his love to—someone who will return his love.”

Peter considered Neal a boy even though he knew Neal was an adult. When he watched Neal drink bottle after bottle, Neal’s vulnerabilities began to show through considerably. He wasn’t acting like a man, but like a boy who was afraid to be alone. It made him wonder if something happened to his mother when he was younger. Either his mother or Ellen. They were both responsible for Neal at the time and he never thought to ask about Neal’s family. He hadn’t kept tabs on them either. He’d just been watching Neal.

“Neal, I think you’ve had enough…” he whispered when Neal was about to grab a fifth bottle from the refrigerator. Neal shrugged and grabbed it, popping it open. He had a very low tolerance for alcohol after having been put into prison. He wasn’t allowed alcohol for nearly four years. Spontaneous drinking like this would probably knock him flat on his ass. “Come sit down, Neal. No more beer,” he said from the couch.

“Don’t act like you’re my dad,” Neal murmured, his voice slurring slightly. He staggered back to the couch and Peter was going to get up to help him down onto the couch, but Neal just plopped down onto Peter’s lap and rested his head against Peter’s shoulder, closing his eyes. He didn’t even seem to realize that he’d gotten so close to Peter and it apparently didn’t matter either. He felt safe, cared for. “I love you.”

Peter stared at him, wide-eyed. “W-What?” He took the bottle just as Neal was going to spill it. His grip loosened around the neck of the bottle and Peter didn’t want alcohol on either of them or the furniture. Mortal or immortal, Elizabeth would kill him for ruining the couch.

Neal nuzzled his face against Peter and smiled a little. He was definitely drunk. Definitely. “Tell me something.” Peter made a questioning sound. “D-Do… Do you l-love me?”

He knew Neal wasn’t messing around. He was really drunk and he really wanted to know how Peter felt about him. Peter figured that Neal wouldn’t remember later though. Sighing quietly, Peter whispered, “Yes.” He debated on compelling Neal to forget the question as well as the answer, but he wouldn’t do that. He didn’t want to do that to Neal. No matter what happened, he didn’t want to use his compulsion on Neal. You don’t manipulate the people you truly love… “I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Peter’s arms were around Neal loosely. He didn’t want to hurt Neal with his strength and he wasn’t used to holding a human so close. He’d held Neal when Neal was younger because he’d pulled him from the fiery chasm of his home. He could have let Neal die then and there, but he hadn’t. After all of this time, he knew he’d saved Neal because he was going to fall in love with Neal. Whether or not he wanted to admit that to himself, he didn’t know, but he still wanted to understand why he chose _Neal_ of all people. He obsessed over Neal since the day he’d saved him. “Me, too,” he murmured against Peter. “You and the mystery man… I love you both. A lot.”

Chuckling, Peter whispered, “I should take you home so you can get some rest. You’re going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning.”

Just then, Elizabeth came through the door. She looked concerned the second she’d come in and she glanced over at Peter—seeing Neal. She’d smelled a human and was worried that Peter might have lured someone in. Having spoken to Peter about Neal before leaving, she thought that maybe she’d driven him to drinking someone’s blood. “You look particularly comfortable.”

“He’s drunk. He came over to talk.” She raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t intentionally get him drunk. He has an extremely low tolerance, El. He wanted to drink and I…let him.”

“Now what’re you going to do with him? It isn’t like you can take him back to his apartment.” She smiled at Neal sweetly and added, “Maybe you can share a bed with him.”

Peter made a sound of disbelief. He knew Neal was falling asleep against him and he waited until Neal’s breathing was even and slower. He was essentially a dead weight on Peter. “You want me to share my bed with him? El, I know you’re smarter than that.”

She shrugged. “Think of it as yet another test of your willpower.”

“And if I _kill_ him? What then, Elizabeth?”

She rolled her eyes at him and walked away. She wasn’t pissed off, but she was frustrated. Every time she tried to bring Peter and Neal together, Peter resisted. Peter wants to be with Neal, wants to turn him and love him forever, but he’s too afraid to go through with it. He’s afraid of shortening Neal’s life, of changing his life. Elizabeth thought that changing Neal’s life might be okay if Neal truly loves Peter, but she knew Peter would have to tell him that he’s the mystery lover Neal fell in love with.

Upon revealing that he’s immortal and explaining why he never pursued his attraction to Neal, Neal may actually understand why Peter did what he did. Sending him gifts, writing him letters… It was incredibly sweet because Neal hadn’t been given things like that in his previous relationship—or relationships. Peter sent him the breakup letter because he didn’t want to string Neal along forever, to make him hopeful and eventually crush him. Neal could go through his entire life never knowing that Peter was the one he’d fallen for and Peter would never act on it.

Elizabeth didn’t want Peter to do that to Neal. She didn’t want Neal to die alone because he kept hoping his mystery lover would write him again and ask to try again. If she were in Peter’s position, she’d tell Neal. She believed Neal had the right to know and had the right to make his own decision after being given the whole truth. Peter may be afraid to tell him everything, but Elizabeth would eventually force him to do it.

She knew that Peter would regret it if he didn’t.

Peter gave in and eventually took Neal into his bedroom. They didn’t have a guestroom because they never expected guests. Either way, he wasn’t going to take Neal home because Neal would question him about it and Peter didn’t want to tell him that he bolted through Manhattan at light speed and snuck into the apartment to leave him there. That would raise way too many questions that Peter wasn’t prepared to answer. Instead, he decided that he could probably manage one night with Neal in his bed.

It wasn’t like anything was going to happen. Neal was drunk and asleep. Peter would never take advantage of that. Mortal or immortal, Peter respects the people he loves. Even though Neal admitted downstairs that he loves Peter, Peter would do nothing to him. He, since becoming this creature, hadn’t made love to a human. He didn’t think he could do it without killing his partner and he certainly didn’t want to do that to Neal. If… If he ever transformed Neal, things would be a lot easier. The temptation, the fear, the anxiety… It would all be taken care of.

Lifting the blanket slightly, Peter laid Neal down on the bed and proceeded to cover him up, tucking the blanket in around him like a parent would to their child. After Neal was comfortable, Peter straightened up and stared at him. He had the feeling that this wasn’t going to end well. For all he knew, his dreams would involve draining Neal’s body of every ounce of blood—and it would probably happen in reality because he’s so close.

He’d gone into Neal’s apartment before and watched him sleep, suffered with the need to taste Neal’s blood, but he’d managed to leave before harming the man he loves. “He’ll be fine—as will you.”

Peter didn’t turn around to look at her. He just frowned and felt very afraid. Neal was the only thing he’d ever been afraid of. He didn’t know what he’d do without Neal and he was afraid of what he could do _to_ Neal if he lost control. He didn’t want Neal to have this life, to suffer with this constant hunger, this constant need.

Sitting down in front of Neal on the bed, he rubbed Neal’s side tentatively, trying not to hurt him. “I never want to hurt you,” Peter whispered to him. Even knowing that Elizabeth could hear him and that Neal couldn’t, he needed to pretend he was talking to Neal, that he was promising these things directly to Neal. “I love you so much, Neal Caffrey. You’ve made my life both heavenly and hellish since I met you, but I’m so thankful to have met you…” He slid his hand up to Neal’s hair and stroked it gently, smiling sadly. “I wish I could have you all to myself, but I know I can’t. You’re not mine to claim.” He sighed quietly. “I want you forever, but I know I can’t. I can’t do so many things. If you knew how much of myself I was sacrificing for you…” He shook his head. That wasn’t the right thing to say. He wasn’t sacrificing himself. He was struggling to be himself. Knowing he could kill Neal in a second—if that—made it very hard to be himself around Neal. “I love you and I know you love me, but you don’t know it’s _me_ who you love.” He sighed again and leaned down, gently pressing a kiss against Neal’s forehead. He whispered, “Sleep well, my beautiful angel,” before leaving the bedroom.

He _needed_ to hunt if he planned on sleeping beside Neal.


	4. Chapter 4

Peter watched Neal throughout the workday. He knew Neal felt awkward, having woken up in Peter’s bed with a major hangover. It was made clear very quickly that Peter took him upstairs to bed and did nothing else to him. Neal was relieved by that, but he didn’t think Peter would’ve done anything to him in his sleep anyway. Little did he know that Peter struggled with the urge to lean over a sink his teeth into Neal’s neck, just above his pulse. He craved the taste of Neal’s blood. If it smelled so good, it certainly couldn’t taste awful.

He’d very nearly killed Neal during the night—repeatedly. It terrified him, being so close to a human. The thing is, Neal isn’t just some ordinary human. There was something about him that drew Peter right to him like a moth to a flame. He could hear Neal’s heart pounding down in the bullpen and it was driving him insane. As Neal approached his office, Neal’s heartbeat continued tormenting Peter. Neal knocked on the door even though Peter knew he was approaching without having to look up. “Hey,” Neal whispered. Peter glanced at him and smiled softly. “Do you feel like getting lunch? I’m hungry and I can only imagine you are, too, since you didn’t eat the breakfast you made for me.”

“I suppose that’d be all right.” He’d claimed he wasn’t hungry earlier because he wanted to watch Neal eat. He’d imagined what Neal would look like while draining the life out of the same animals Peter used to satiate his thirst. Then he’d imagined how Neal would look while draining the life out of an innocent human being and he’d killed that line of thought immediately before exiting the room to let Neal eat alone. “Any ideas?” he asked as he stood up and rounded his desk, stopping in front of Neal.

Neal shrugged. “There’s a diner nearby. It’s within walking distance—and my radius.” It was a joke, but it bothered Peter nonetheless. He still forced a smirk for Neal’s benefit because he didn’t want to hurt Neal’s feelings. The two of them walked side by side to the elevator. As they waited for it to arrive at their floor, Neal glanced at Peter nervously. Peter could smell his fear and he wasn’t quite sure why Neal was afraid. “How much of a fool did I make out of myself last night?” Peter gave him a questioning look. “I don’t usually get drunk and I can’t remember anything. I can only imagine I said some pretty stupid things.”

“You didn’t say anything stupid,” Peter said gently. “You were slurring a lot, but I can’t recall you revealing some devious plan to me or the location of some art I feel like you stole.” Neal chuckled, but he recalled one particular moment from the previous night’s drunken stupor. He remembered telling Peter he loves him and that terrified him. He’d been out of prison for six months by this point and he’d admitted to the man in charge of his work release that he…loves him. However, he could also recall Peter admitting his love for him as well. He was testing Peter to see if Peter wanted to admit that to him again. Evidently, he didn’t. “Oh. Before I forget yet again, the woman living with me wanted me to invite you over for dinner tonight. She came home while you were drunk and said she’d like to meet you while you’re sober.”

Nodding, Neal figured it couldn’t hurt to eat dinner with Peter and Peter’s friend. It’d be nice to get a little more insight into Peter’s life considering Peter knows everything about him and he knows very little about Peter. All he really knew was that Peter was a very secretive and secluded man. A friend of his had watched Peter’s home on occasion and reported to Neal that Peter left often and didn’t return for several hours. Peter didn’t have a radius, so he was free to go wherever he pleased, but Neal wished he knew where Peter was going all the time.

Hell, he thought about how Peter left work occasionally as well. He claimed to be working on a case, but Neal figured Peter was lying to him. He just didn’t understand why. What did Peter have to hide from him?

The two men arrived at the diner nearly twenty minutes later and immediately found a booth that was a short distance away from the other booths. Neal watched Peter curiously and noted how nervous and anxious Peter appeared while constantly looking at everything else aside from him. “Would you rather not eat lunch with me?” Peter looked at him then, wondering why he asked that. “You usually look at me and engage in some decent conversation with me. Did I make things overly awkward by spending the night at your place?”

“No.”

“Then why do you act like you’re trying to pretend I’m not here?”

Peter shook his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to give you that impression.” Neal didn’t understand this. Peter told him that he loved him the previous night, but he certainly wasn’t acting that way right now. Peter realized he wasn’t acting natural, but he was struggling. He’d fed the previous night in order to make it through the night without killing Neal, but he needed to satiate his hunger again very soon or he’d unintentionally wind up harming Neal. “I need to go.” He pulled a twenty out of his wallet and put it on the table. “Lunch is on me.”

Neal gaped at Peter as Peter left him alone, but he decided that he wasn’t going to let Peter get away from him so easily. This felt like a desperate attempt to get over his mystery lover, but he wanted to know what the hell Peter’s problem was if he honestly meant what he’d said the previous night. “Peter,” he called out as he followed Peter out of the diner. Peter froze immediately, but he didn’t turn around. He approached Peter and asked, “What the hell is going on? You’re acting like I did something wrong. You haven’t spoken to me since you made breakfast this morning.”

“Go back inside, Neal.”

“No.” Neal was intentionally being defiant because he wanted to know why Peter was acting this way. Peter said that nothing happened between them, so he didn’t understand why Peter was avoiding him. “Why can’t you even manage to have lunch with me?”

“I said: go back inside, Neal,” he whispered fiercely. Neal felt as though he had no choice but to do as Peter asked of him. He turned to go back into the diner, but Peter seemed to realize that. He turned and said, “No. Wait.” Neal froze this time and glanced at him in question. “I’m sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong, Neal. I’m just…having a rough day. I have other things going on and I’m sorry for making you feel as though you’ve caused some problem between us.”

Peter mentally cursed himself. He’d compelled Neal without meaning to. The last thing he wanted was to compel Neal into doing anything. If he began to compel Neal, Neal would always feel obligated to carry out Peter’s wishes even if there were no compulsion behind his words. He felt bad about running off on Neal, but he desperately needed to feed or he’d kill Neal.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to interfere.” Peter’s chest felt hollow and he became increasingly depressed as Neal looked away and seemed so dejected. He never wanted to neglect Neal, but he had to leave for Neal’s own good.

Resting his right hand on Neal’s arm, Peter whispered, “Don’t be sorry. You’re not interfering with anything. I just…need to go for a little while.” Neal nodded and tried to refrain from seeming disappointed and upset. He’d been looking forward to lunch with Peter, so this wasn’t what he’d expected at all. He thought everything would be wonderful and that there would be lively conversation and light banter between them as was their custom when it came to lunch. Peter never ate much, but he seemed to like being around Neal. That was why Neal wanted to spend time with him. He was also trying to get his mind off of his mystery lover. Peter seemed to resent him and sympathize for Neal. Unfortunately, that elicited feelings Neal hadn’t wanted to act upon.

Peter squeezed Neal’s arm gently before promising that he’d pick Neal up later in the evening so they could have dinner together. Neal watched him go, regretting that he didn’t follow Peter. In a way, he wanted to know what Peter was so caught up in and where he went. He wanted to know simply because he’s curious.

The older man made him forget about his mystery lover for a little while. Now that Neal thought about it, he felt like he was using Peter. Peter’s presence soothed him in general and the companionship between them was comfortable, but Neal was trying to focus on his attraction to Peter—because he didn’t want to hurt anymore.

Peter was the only one who didn’t hurt his heart. Peter was the one who’d been there for him after his mystery lover decided he couldn’t continue their mysterious relationship. Peter made his heart pound, made his heart skip beats, and made his heart flutter. He just didn’t know if his feelings for and attraction to Peter were genuine because he still feels so strongly about a man he’s never met.

•◊•

“Maybe you could take things up to the bedroom after dinner.” Peter rolled his eyes as Elizabeth wiggled her eyebrows at him while setting the table. “Oh, come on. It’s been decades since the last time you had sex—if you ever had sex.”

“I’ve had sex,” Peter muttered. “Just not recently.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Peter, how old are you?”

“Forty.” She glared at him. He physically gave off the impression that he was about forty years old and he’d actually been forty when he was transformed into this monster he had loathed for a very long time. Closing his eyes, Peter sighed. “Four hundred and seventy-six.”

“How old were you the last time you were actually physically intimate with another individual?”

He hesitated, but she wasn’t going to let him off the hook until he answered. He knew Elizabeth well enough by this point to know how insistent she could be until she received the answer she’d been looking for. “Thirty-eight.”

She gaped at him. “You haven’t had sex in over four hundred years?” If blood were pumping through his veins, his face would’ve heated up immensely. “Good lord. How can you go that long without sex? Even I go out every now and then to have a nice night with a sweet, young man who’s desperate to get laid.” Peter’s jaw set firmly. She knew damn well why he couldn’t go out to have a ‘nice night’ with anyone. “I think you need to get laid. Perhaps you’ll lose this gloom and doom nature if you make sweet, passionate love to your obsession.”

Peter lashed out and broke the countertop in their kitchen. He’d shattered the granite immediately, which was something that would’ve broken his hand if he’d attempted it while he’d been human. “I can’t allow myself to have intimacy,” he growled. Elizabeth was staring at him brokenly even though he wasn’t looking at her. She didn’t understand how hard this was for Peter, but he also hadn’t talked about his last physical experience with another individual. “I killed an innocent man three hundred years ago, Elizabeth. He wasn’t even someone I loved and I killed him without meaning to. Not only did I physically tear him apart, but I lost control and drained him of his blood.” He shut his eyes tightly as he said, “I can’t go further than this with Neal. I love him and I will kill him if I attempt to do anything like that. If I don’t shatter his body, I’ll suck the life right out of him.” He opened his eyes, looked at her, and she could see how much pain he was in. “I love him so much. I couldn’t live with myself if I killed him.”

The house was quiet for several minutes as Peter attempted to fix the countertop before Neal arrived for dinner. Elizabeth glanced over at her closest friend every now and then, seeing the defeated look on his face every time he paused in his efforts, and knowing that she could do nothing for him. “I’m sorry for upsetting you,” she whispered as she approached him. She slid her arms around his waist and hugged him from behind. “I know I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, but I wish I could help you.”

“It’s been a long time,” Peter said sadly. “I’ve trained myself to not think about it if I don’t have to. My sexual thoughts about Neal need to be destroyed before I have the opportunity to make my thoughts a reality.” He rested a hand over both of hers and sighed. “Neal is everything to me, El. I’ve never been so afraid in my life. I’m so afraid of losing him. I’m afraid that I’ll be the one who takes his life.”

“Would you rather let him live a lifetime without knowing how passionately you feel about him or turn him so you can spend eternity together?”

Peter frowned. “I want to tell him how deeply I feel about him, but I can’t. You know I’ll never turn him into this. I couldn’t do this to him.” She rested her head against his back and sighed quietly. “Neal can’t know how I feel. I won’t act on my feelings. He’ll just have to go on with his life and find another mortal who makes him happy.”

Gently, Elizabeth made Peter turn around to look at her. They stared into each other’s eyes silently for several moments before she reached up to stroke the side of his face. “Peter, you deserve to be happy. You’ve been miserable for a very long time. Neal makes you happy and I know you’ll suffer in silence if you watch him share his life with someone else.” In a way, Peter wished he could cry. The very thought of watching Neal spend his life with someone else made him want to die a very painful death. “In seventy years, he’ll pass on. You’ll still be here and you’ll always regret letting him go. You’ll regret everything you never did.” He closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. “Do you want to spend eternity wishing you could turn back time so you could be with Neal?” He shook his head. “You need to tell him. He clearly has feelings for you, but you need to allow yourself to feel your own feelings.”

“But I’m so scared,” he whispered.

“I know,” she said soothingly. “It’s a healthy fear, I guess. It’s a fear you can overcome, Peter.” He opened his eyes to see her smiling at him sadly. “I know how opposed you are to bringing Neal into this life, but you need to make him aware of his options before it’s too late. If you turn him, your bond will be so much stronger. You won’t have to hold back if he’s one of us—and no one can come after you for revealing yourself to a mortal if he’s turned.”

“I need time,” he whispered. “I can’t outright tell him that I’m a monster.”

She sighed. “You aren’t a monster. I know about your little box of revenge, but you’re not a monster.” She gave him a crooked smile as she said, “I did that for my lover as well before I accidentally killed him. Anyone who hurt him immediately vanished. I understand how protective you are of him.”

Peter shook his head. “His heart has been broken before. I watched him suffer and knew I couldn’t intervene to comfort him directly. I created this ‘mystery lover’ of his and that’s morphed into a complete disaster as well.” He pulled Elizabeth into an embrace, whispering, “I never want to listen to him plead for my love. That man twisted his heart and played games with his mind.”

“Peter, you’re a passionate man and I know how much you care about him. I also know that you’ll never break his heart. You would do anything for him in a heartbeat.” He wasn’t going to deny that. She was absolutely correct. “You’ve seen another man hurt him. You’ve seen him shed tears for another man who broke his heart. You also know him better than he knows himself, Peter. His mystery lover made him incredibly happy. Finding out that you were behind it all along may actually prove to be beneficial once you’ve built up a stronger relationship with him.”

“We’ll see,” he whispered. “I know I won’t be able to keep secrets from him if our relationship develops into something…intimate. Neal deserves the absolute truth at all times.”

She chuckled. “Just tell him the truth. I won’t rush you into this anymore, but you’re going to have to make him aware of your feelings eventually if you want this to go anywhere.” He knew that already, but he didn’t know how to do that just yet. He didn’t know when he wanted to attempt to initiate a relationship with Neal beyond friendship. “Take your time, but don’t take too much time,” she said as she pulled away and gripped his hands. “If you wait too long, someone else might come along before either of you have the chance to act on your feelings.”

The scent of his loved one hit him well before it hit Elizabeth. He was far more attuned to Neal’s being than she was, so he knew when Neal was approaching the house. He’d caught Neal’s scent the moment the taxi rounded the corner of their block. He could hear Neal’s heart beating and it truly was a beautiful sound.

Neal’s heart may lose its beautiful sound someday—and that thought depressed Peter considerably.


	5. Chapter 5

It was considerably obvious that Neal felt awkward. Elizabeth wanted to smack Peter because she figured he was at fault for that awkwardness. From what she’d gathered by listening to Peter talk about Neal, Neal seemed like a very outgoing and charismatic man. Watching him struggle to keep up a conversation suggested that Peter had done or said something. “What did you do?” Elizabeth asked when she and Peter ended up in the kitchen together. They claimed they were finishing up dinner—and they were—but they were having a quick discussion. “Why is he so quiet?”

“I don’t know,” Peter said exasperatedly.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Did you snap at him earlier?”

Peter sighed and said, “Kind of. I had to feed and I wasn’t particularly friendly when he asked me out to lunch.” She gave him an incredulous look because he hadn’t told her about being asked to lunch by Neal. “It wasn’t a date, so don’t even start. It was just a lunch we were going to share together.”

“He’s hitting on you and you aren’t even acknowledging him.” They’d just spoken about why Peter couldn’t pursue Neal, but Elizabeth knew Peter was going to have to give in at some point. He’d spent so much time following Neal’s life and Elizabeth wished he would just step out of the shadows for once and attempt to find the happiness he’s shunned for more than four hundred years. “Peter, you need to take a step back and really look at the situation.”

“I have,” he growled quietly. “I may have an extended life, but that wasn’t my choice. He deserves to live a full—”

She interjected, “So you don’t want him to have a choice?” He pursed his lips and didn’t respond. “Despite what you may think, you’re as human as he is, Peter. You have human feelings for him, human thoughts about him, and human reactions to him.” She could tell that he didn’t want to hear that. Peter would rather live his life in denial of what she’d just said to him, but he felt like she was correct. “You tell me all the time that you don’t want him to live like us because we didn’t have a choice.” He calmed himself down and frowned at her. “We didn’t have a choice because we’d become a meal that went awry. You have the opportunity to find a mate, Peter. If you truly want to be with him, you have to leave the choice up to him. You have to give him the option of making a choice.”

In the other room, Neal was waiting patiently for the two to reenter the room. He looked around the living room and noticed that the two of them had obtained art that was extremely old or art that was supposedly lost forever. He figured the two of them had to be incredibly wealthy if they were able to get their hands on such treasures.

The house was also incredibly clean. That wasn’t a bad thing, of course, but it looked as though they didn’t really live here. The walls were bare and it was obvious that neither of them seemed to have a family outside of each other. He found that rather curious considering both of them seemed rather isolated. Perhaps that was why they ended up living together. He understood considering he himself was isolated from his own family and he’d been with someone in a similar situation before. He didn’t know a thing about his mystery lover, but he wished he did. Perhaps that man was a loner as well.

Elizabeth emerged from the kitchen a few moments later and gave Neal a soft smile. “So, my dear, are you seeing anyone?” Neal’s face heated up because she’d asked him such a blunt and personal question. “I’m just curious. I may be able to set you up with someone if I know what you’re interested in.”

“Um…” Elizabeth could hear Peter cursing her under his breath, but she didn’t particularly care. Prior to returning to the living room, she said she was going to pry some answers out of Neal. Peter demanded that she avoid speaking about him and Neal specifically, so that’s what she was doing. “I…am interested in someone.” He cleared his throat and said, “I’m not sure how much Peter told you about me while I was in prison, but…” He tried to size her up and see how much she knew. It seemed like she didn’t know anything about him. In reality, she knew everything Peter knew. “There’s a man in my life who I’ve never met before. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but he’s incredible,” he whispered. “He must be afraid of something because he never showed up in person.”

“Oh, really?” Elizabeth asked, sounding a little solemn. She was purposely leading Neal in this direction to torment Peter because she wanted Peter to eventually reveal that he was the one who’d been loving Neal from the shadows all this time. “How do you know that he’s a man or that he’s interested in you?”

He shrugged. “I kind of looked at his handwriting. It’s very neat, but definitely not a woman’s handwriting. As a forger, I kind of know what I’m looking at.” She nodded and waited for him to answer her second question. She could see how saddened he’d become then. “He isn’t interested in me anymore though. I ruined everything by going to prison. He was there for me when I felt like I was alone and he, in essence, took care of me and made sure I was happy.” He lowered his gaze to the floor and sighed. “I’ve never blamed him for walking away. He shouldn’t have to wait for a criminal. Besides, I have nothing to offer him. After all of the wonderful things he’s done for me over the years, the best I could do for him is willingly be his arm candy.”

Peter, in the kitchen, listened to Neal speak and his heart was breaking. Had it been beating, he knew he’d be hurting a lot more. He could hear Neal’s heartbeat and recognized Neal’s sadness immediately. Of course he knew why Elizabeth was asking Neal about this, but he was beginning to wish he were capable of revealing himself to Neal without consequences. “If he couldn’t accept you for the man you are and simply wanted you to be his arm candy, then he certainly wasn’t worth it,” Elizabeth told him. “I don’t know how hard it is to be a criminal in love or someone in love with a criminal, but Peter has given me the impression that you’re a good man, Neal.” Peter heard Neal’s heart skip a beat and his brows furrowed as he considered what that meant. “Well, I think it’s time for you to move on from him. If he couldn’t wait for you, it’s his loss.”

Peter had a hard time reining in his desire to strangle Elizabeth. He wouldn’t be able to kill her or hurt her, but he could let his frustration out that way. “If I hadn’t gotten myself locked up, he and I might’ve had a chance.” Neal closed his eyes and said, “I’ll never know what my life would’ve been like if he’d stuck around longer.”

That was enough for Peter then. He came out of the kitchen and said, “Dinner’s ready.” Neal nodded and stood up, approaching the dinner table as Peter began to set the food down on the table. Elizabeth caught Peter’s glare and knew his look would have killed her if it had that capability. “This is your favorite French dish, so I think I did it justice.”

Neal froze before he had the opportunity to take his seat. He glanced at the food and then gave Peter an incredulous look. That was when Peter knew he’d made a big mistake. Elizabeth’s brows furrowed as the two men stared at each other in horror. “I only ever told one person that,” Neal whispered. Elizabeth gathered that Peter had slipped up and figured she was responsible for that. “You read my letters?” Neal growled.

Elizabeth watched Peter stare at Neal in absolute terror. “Neal, I…”

“I remember a time when you told me you hadn’t looked at my letters when you were bringing them to me,” Neal said angrily. “Did you lie to me?”

Peter had a choice that he needed to make rather quickly. Thus far, Neal hadn’t made the assumption that Peter was his mystery lover. He was accusing Peter of lying to him and reading the letters he’d once sworn he never read. He’d promised Neal that Neal’s letters remained private until they were confiscated, yet he’d either made a liar out of himself or he knew firsthand what was in the letters because he’d written them. “Yes.” Peter decided that he couldn’t tell Neal right now that he’d written those letters to Neal and he could immediately see that Elizabeth was disappointed in him. “I’m an FBI agent. I needed to evaluate the letters and see if he were sending a message to you in them.”

Neal looked so hurt and Peter hated that look. He had only been on the receiving end of that look a few times before, but this was absolutely his fault. Neal abruptly walked away from the table and Peter, once again, had another decision to make quickly as Neal darted over to grab his jacket and was going to proceed to storm out. He was understandably upset with Peter because Peter promised that his letters weren’t opened each time he brought them in for Neal. Neal didn’t like that Peter had pried into his personal life—as far as he was concerned.

“You’re going to lose him if you let him go now,” Elizabeth whispered. She watched her best friend struggle for a few moments and hoped he would do the right thing…

“Neal, wait!” Peter called out as Neal threw the door open and ran outside. He tried to run after Neal at a human pace because he didn’t want to hurt Neal or frighten him. “Neal!” Neal stopped just before he stepped into the street, but he didn’t turn around. Peter stood at the top of the stairs and looked at Neal sadly. He could continue living with this lie or he could finally tell Neal the truth, but he didn’t know what to do. At this point, he’d given off the impression that he wasn’t trustworthy. He wanted to turn that around and be someone Neal could trust. “I need to tell you something, but you need to listen.”

Neal turned to face Peter. “What? I’ll never have an ounce of privacy ever again?”

Peter didn’t snap back at him. He was debating on whether or not he was going to make the right decision. If he told Neal that he is the one who wrote those letters to Neal every single day for the last several years, he didn’t know how Neal would react. Sure, Neal had told him the other night that he loved him—while drunk, but that didn’t necessarily mean he wanted Peter to be his mystery lover. On the other hand, lying to Neal would harm their relationship. It was already a little strenuous considering he’s an FBI agent and Neal is a criminal, but he didn’t want to make things worse.

Swallowing his fears down, he stared into Neal’s angry eyes and knew that this was it. He was going to reveal that he’d been there for Neal when Neal needed someone the most, that he’d been the one who knew Neal’s likes and dislikes, that he purchased a number of items and dinners for Neal, and that he was the one who celebrated Valentine’s Day and the birth of the young man because they were days that meant a great deal to him. Valentine’s Day wasn’t particularly important, but the birth of Neal George Caffrey was a significant date to celebrate.

Neal stared at Peter expectantly because he was waiting for Peter to tell him something that would only set him off further. He felt like he should’ve known Peter would lie to him, that Peter would invade his privacy. After all, he is a criminal. What right did he have to privacy anymore?

The moment that Neal’s heart seemingly froze in place and matched the lifelessness of Peter’s own heart was the moment when Peter whispered, “I wrote those letters.”


	6. Chapter 6

“I wrote those letters.”

Neal gaped at the other man. It was fairly obvious that he didn’t believe Peter. “You pretended to be him?”

Peter shook his head and sighed. “I’ve been writing them to you since the start. I’m your ‘mystery lover.’” Neal kept looking at him in disbelief. He didn’t think it was possible for Peter to be the lover he’d dreamt about. He’d imagined someone a little younger than Peter, but he couldn’t deny that Peter was a very handsome and attractive man. “I…watched you go through your breakup. Wasn’t his name Vincent?” Neal’s eyes widened. “I know you don’t understand, but I have been looking after you since the day I pulled you out of your house fire.” He could see Neal’s eyes watering and knew he was getting through to Neal. “I don’t know why I’m so…so attracted to you. I wanted to watch you succeed in life and I feel like I missed something. You’re such a sweet man and I thought you were doing really well until I saw you in my interrogation room.”

“You weren’t at fault,” Neal whispered. “I messed up.”

“I’ve tried not to blame myself, but I…” He trailed off when he realized Neal was on the verge of crying. “I’m sorry. I’ve lied to you because I wanted to protect you. I didn’t want you to know I was behind the letters because…because I honestly believed you would think I’m a perverted, old man.” Neal closed his eyes. He was trying to let all of this sink in, but it was still so hard to believe. “My only goal in the last several years has been to make you happy, Neal. While I didn’t admit to the fact that I was your ‘mystery lover,’ I will admit that I meant every word.” When Neal’s eyes opened, Peter could see the hope shining in them. “My feelings for you that I displayed in my letters to you were real. They’re still real.”

Neal swallowed hard and the hope that had previous been in his eyes seemed to fade away. “I don’t believe you,” Neal whispered. “I believe that you’ve looked into my life and know more than I thought you did, but I don’t believe that you have feelings for me.” He knew Peter admitted to him that he loved him. Even while drunk, Neal could remember that particular moment. He just wanted to see how honest Peter could be with him. “All you’ve done recently is push me away and avoid me as much as you possibly can. I don’t believe you have feelings for me.”

Peter’s lips parted and his eyes were full of pain. “I can’t explain myself,” he said regretfully. “Neal, you have meant a great deal to me for a very long time.” Peter looked away for a moment and sighed before saying, “I don’t know why, but I’ve been in love with you for a very long time.” Neal was surprised by the fact that Peter admitted that once again. The only thing that concerned him was that he’d been a minor when he and Peter met. “I never dreamed of doing anything to you until you were _at least_ eighteen, so please don’t think I considered harming you while you were growing up.”

“So you’ve dreamed about doing things to me?”

Peter’s jaw dropped. He didn’t think Neal would choose to focus on that nor did he think he could admit to his sexual hunger for Neal. It’d been more than four hundred years since the last time he’d had intimate sex. Elizabeth was correct in saying he had human reactions to Neal. Of course he dreamt about making love to the younger man, but his dreams became nightmares as they transformed from lovemaking to absolute agony. He’d made Neal cry out in pleasure at first, but then Neal’s cries became screams of pain as Peter lost control and sank his teeth into Neal’s neck.

“I don’t think that’s something we should discuss.” Neal’s brows furrowed. “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.”

“Why? Didn’t you once describe something in a letter you wrote to me?”

He had once, but he regretted it now. Nodding silently, Peter could see that Neal was staring at him expectantly. In other words, Neal wanted him to prove that he honestly had written those letters. All of the early letters Neal had received were stored elsewhere safely, so he knew there was no way the FBI could get a hold of them. “I told you that I wished I could kiss my way up your beautifully sculpted chest, glide my fingers along your smooth back, and…and…” He cleared his throat and looked away from Neal. Even though he felt uncomfortable with this, Neal still expected him to answer. “…and I wished I could make love to your body of perfection like no one else ever has.”

Neal stared at Peter in absolute horror. “You did write them to me.”

Peter nodded again. “I kept my distance and made sure you were safe as you grew up, but my…attraction…for you began to take hold and overwhelm me after Vincent hurt you.” Neal looked so pained and confused. “I know what he did to you. I know how badly you were treated by him.”

“Tell me what he did.”

Again, Neal was testing him. He didn’t know how Peter could possibly have any information about his relationship with Vincent. He hadn’t seen Peter until he’d been arrested a few years ago. “He… Neal, please.” Neal glared at him and Peter knew why. Peter was giving him the impression that he was lying. “He abused you emotionally as well as sexually and cheated on you. He and another man—”

Peter cut himself off when Neal’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Tears were welling up in Neal’s eyes because he didn’t understand. He didn’t understand how Peter knew all of this. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about his breakup with Vincent or the events leading up to that. A close friend had been concerned about him, but he tried to pretend everything was all right. “How do you know these things?”

“I can’t tell you right now,” Peter said apologetically. “In time, perhaps, but I can’t right this moment.” Peter could hear Neal’s heart pounding. Not only was he upset, but he was in emotional pain. No one should have known about what transpired between him and the last man he’d been with romantically, yet Peter somehow had these details. “I’ve never meant to hurt you, Neal. I’m so sorry for lying to you.” Revealing to Neal how exactly he knew all of this would eventually lead up to revealing that he’d murdered the two men who’d hurt Neal. He’d lost control and left Vincent’s body as mangled as he possibly could—to the point where it was unrecognizable when it was finally found.

There were many times when he wished he could have gone in to help Neal, but he couldn’t interfere no matter how much he wished he could. Even if he’d attempted to do so, he wouldn’t make it past the doorway. Neal would’ve had to invite him inside. Granted, he realized it probably didn’t matter since he’d gone into Neal’s home several years ago without permission and saved him. Perhaps that particular rule didn’t apply when it came to Neal.

Now that he thought about it, he could have prevented everything Vincent had done to Neal. He’d essentially selected Neal as his mate, which meant he was entitled to everything belonging to Neal. That kind of explained why he’d been allowed to enter Neal’s burning home without an invitation.

“I want to know how you know. Did he tell you?”

It was a relevant question considering Vincent liked to brag about men he slept with. In Neal’s case, Vincent had bragged about sexually abusing Neal. Listening to everything Vincent had done to Neal and that Vincent said about Neal had given Peter justification for ending the monster’s life. “No,” he whispered. He wasn’t sure how Neal would feel if he told him that he’d killed Vincent. Explaining that would be exciting…

“Tell me, God damn it!” Neal snapped. Peter frowned at him. This was very difficult for him because he couldn’t tell Neal everything without first telling him that he’s a vampire, a creature notorious for sucking blood until their victims were fully drained. “If you won’t tell me, I’m leaving.”

“I promise I’ll tell you someday,” Peter blurted. “Right now isn’t the time, Neal.”

Neal didn’t accept that response. “I want to know how you know so much about my life without ever making your presence known to me. I hadn’t seen you in more than a decade.” Peter wanted so desperately to spill everything then, but he couldn’t. Neal wasn’t prepared to hear all of this just yet and revealing his true nature to a human wouldn’t go unnoticed by the Illuminatis. They weren’t merciful when their kind revealed themselves to the mortal world. Interaction was allowed, but anything beyond that required the transformation of the mortal. “Good night, Peter.”

As much as Peter wanted to reach out for him and stop him, he let him go. He watched Neal walk away from him and regretted everything. He regretted following Neal’s life and taking revenge upon the people who inflicted pain upon Neal in any way at all. He regretted falling in love with a human. A recipe for disaster indeed…

•◊•

Neal cried out as he orgasmed. He’d made a phone call as soon as he arrived at his apartment and received an instant response. His body was exhausted and sore as he stared up at a man he despised. Matthew Keller had been the other man who’d hurt him when Vincent had been around. Matthew hadn’t sexually assaulted him, but he’d played with Neal’s feelings until Neal agreed to sleep with him. “I love seeing you like this,” he whispered to Neal.

Matthew had changed somehow and Neal didn’t quite understand, but he didn’t question it either. The older man had disappeared for several years and reemerged shortly before Neal had gone to prison. “Don’t pretend like you love me,” Neal said in response. “You know what this is.”

Shrugging, the older man said, “Of course I do. We’re friends with benefits—very, very beneficial benefits.” Neal looked away from him and Matthew made his gaze return to him by gripping his jaw firmly. “Fucking you is something I enjoy, Neal. I’m always happy to hear your pleading voice on the phone.” Neal didn’t enjoy this as much as Matthew did. He just needed something to do in order to get his mind off of everything Peter had said. “But you know my price as well.”

“I know,” Neal whispered.

“I’m surprised you haven’t revealed any of this to your FBI handler.”

Neal glared at him. “This is none of his business—and he wouldn’t believe me anyway.” Keller chuckled. “As far as Peter’s concerned, vampires aren’t real.”

Keller was withholding information, however. He hadn’t revealed how he’d become a vampire nor did he reveal that he’s fully aware of the fact that Peter is a vampire as well. After all, Peter was the one who unintentionally allowed his transformation. He’d watched Peter tear a man to shreds and he’d barely walked away with his own life when Peter attacked him as well. “You aren’t even supposed to know they’re real,” he murmured as Neal exposed his neck. He sank his teeth into Neal’s throat and drank enough to sustain his hunger. He could do it without killing Neal, but he’d compelled Neal to allow this enough times and was now at the point where Neal expected it and questioned him about it if he didn’t arrive for sustenance. “I would turn you if I didn’t need your blood. You and I would be invincible.”

“You told me that the transformation was a mating process,” Neal hissed. “I don’t want to be your mate. Besides, aren’t you mated to the person who changed you?”

Keller growled. “No. The man who transformed me has a mate of his own. If he didn’t have a mate, I’d be his.” He didn’t like the idea of being Peter’s mate, but it would be ideal for him to find a man he could fuck as roughly as he possibly could. Neal’s body was delicate and he made sure he didn’t apply too much pressure to Neal’s body when they met up like this. “In a way, I wish I could find his mate and slaughter him. I need someone who won’t break when I fuck them.”

“I can tell,” Neal said with a sigh. “You get frustrated with me when I tell you that you’re hurting me. I’m sure it’d be easier with another vampire.”

“Easier, sure, but you’re a challenge.” Neal gave him a partial smirk. He didn’t particularly like being called a challenge, but it wasn’t such a terrible thing for someone to say about him. “Besides, I like the way you taste.” Moments after he said that and gave Neal a sly smile, he moved his body once again and took Neal’s body as hard as he could without harming him too much. In addition, he sank his teeth into Neal’s throat once more…

•◊•

Even though Neal participated in a sexual relationship on the side, his heart ached and longed for his mystery lover. Whether or not Peter was telling the truth, Neal couldn’t deny that he himself has feelings for the other man. He just didn’t understand why Peter couldn’t explain to him why he’d lied and kept this a secret for so long. Why would Peter send him letters that made him happy and feel loved by a faceless man?

As Neal tinkered around with a paperclip on his desk, he was completely content with ignoring Peter. He wasn’t going to beg Peter to explain everything, but he was hoping the need for the truth would torment Peter to the point where he finally revealed this particular secret.

“Neal?” The voice was so soft and sad, but it still startled Neal. Glancing up, Neal met Peter’s gaze. “Can we talk?” Neal pursed his lips and went back to focusing on the paperclip he’d been messing with. As soon as Neal did that, Peter’s eyes widened. He could see two small marks on Neal’s neck—marks that a vampire would leave on their prey. He would know since he’d done it enough times. “What happened to your neck?”

Neal looked at him again and said, “I was relieving some stress last night.”

Peter’s brows furrowed. For a moment, he was truly afraid that he’d hurt Neal. It didn’t seem like it, but those marks definitely belonged to a vampire. In other words, Neal was spending time with a vampire. He feared that Neal was being compelled by another individual. This individual, according to Neal, was a ‘stress reliever.’ Ultimately, Peter assumed that meant Neal was sleeping with this particular individual. In a way, that bothered him. How did he keep missing details like this? He hadn’t known Neal was a criminal nor did he know Neal had a sexual partner who just so happened to be a vampire. As far as Peter even knew, he and Elizabeth were the only vampires in this area. “With who?”

Shrugging, Neal said, “Why do you care?” Peter didn’t answer, but his heart was hurting. Neal’s heart was pounding fearfully and Peter hated that he was the one making Neal feel this way. On the outside, Neal seemed mildly pissed off, but his heart gave away his internal feelings. He was afraid. “You’re allowed to keep secrets from me. I feel like it’s only fair that I have secrets of my own that I keep from you.”

“Neal…” Peter said sadly. He desperately wanted to get Neal alone somewhere so they could talk, but he figured he wouldn’t be able to do so unless he compelled Neal. That was something he never wanted to intentionally do to Neal. “Can we please go somewhere to talk?”

If he were anyone else, Neal wouldn’t even bother with acknowledging him. This was Peter though and he figured this might be his opportunity to learn the full truth. Nodding, Neal rolled his chair back, stood, and followed Peter as he headed towards the interrogation room. “If you’re trying to make things comfortable, leading me to a place where I first felt like I failed you isn’t exactly ideal.”

Peter paused and looked at him as though he were in pain. “You haven’t failed me, Neal. Please don’t allow yourself to feel that way.” Neal shrugged. It wasn’t like Peter was the first person to make him feel like a failure. Not that he’d happily admit to previously being told he’s a failure… “Neal, I…care very deeply for you,” Peter whispered. “I apologize for lying to you and for…for…”

Pausing, Peter tried to catch the possible scent of the vampire who’d been with Neal. He couldn’t recognize it and it was faint at best. “Don’t worry about it,” Neal eventually said to fill the silence. “I just… I want to understand, Peter.”

“In time, I promise I will help you understand.” Neal wished he knew why it had to take time for all of the pieces to fall into place. Peter could just as easily open up to him now as he could some time later. “I meant it when I said my feelings for you are real,” he whispered. “I don’t know if you feel anything for _me,_ but I swear I will back off if you would prefer that I didn’t…pursue you.”

“Tell me more about some of the earlier letters you sent me,” Neal said quietly. He was conflicted about his own feelings at the moment and that would take time to sort out. “Why did you write letters to me rather than approaching me outright?”

Peter frowned. Even though he’d been regretful of his feelings for Neal the day before, he couldn’t regret the way he felt for very long. Staring at the beautiful mortal in front of him made him want to tell Neal everything, to help him understand and hopefully lead them down a positive path. “I was afraid,” he admitted. “Would you have appreciated me dropping by out of the blue to proclaim my love for you?” Neal didn’t answer because he honestly wasn’t sure. He’d dreamt about Peter sexually in the past, but he hadn’t imagined Peter being his mystery lover. “You were hurting and I…couldn’t stand idly and watch you suffer.”

Neal’s brows furrowed as he asked, “So you pity me?”

“No!” Peter insisted. “I didn’t want your heart to hurt anymore. I didn’t want you to cry yourself to sleep or—” He stopped speaking when he saw the devastated look on Neal’s face. “I will tell you how I know all of this someday, Neal. Now just isn’t the proper time to do so.” He tentatively lifted his right hand to caress the side of Neal’s face, but he stopped himself and lowered his hand while whispering, “Please believe me when I tell you that my feelings for you were not built upon the foundation of pity. My feelings for you are very deep and passionate. Pity isn’t included.”

“Why can’t you just clear all of this up for me now? You know so many things that no one else knows and I don’t understand how that’s even possible.” Thus far, he wasn’t coming to the conclusion that Peter was some kind of supernatural being. For that, Peter was grateful. “You know I trust you, but how am I supposed to maintain my trust in you when you’re hiding so many crucial details from me?” Peter didn’t tear his gaze away from Neal’s face. As Peter lowered his hand and sighed sadly, Neal added, “I want to trust you and I…believe that you were the one writing letters to me all this time. There are so many blanks that you need to fill in for me, but you’re…refusing to do so.”

Peter couldn’t help shifting his gaze away from Neal’s eyes to focus on the tiny marks on Neal’s skin. He needed to know who this vampire was and why this individual felt compelled to use _his_ mate. He wouldn’t outwardly act possessive of Neal right now, but he was very jealous of the fact that another man—and a vampire at that—had Neal’s body in a way that Peter wished he himself could have Neal. “Please be patient,” Peter pleaded. “I won’t keep secrets from you forever. There are just certain…things I need to do before I can reveal the truth to you. I need to collect my thoughts, for one.”

As much as Neal wanted the answers to all of these unanswered questions, he knew he had to be patient as Peter was asking of him. All he hoped was that Peter wouldn’t take too much time. He could only be patient for so long.

He desperately wanted the truth, but he would wait.

Despite how unnerved he is by the vast knowledge of his personal life that Peter seems to have, he had the feeling that Peter would be worth the wait. He had the feeling that Peter would make the wait worthwhile…


	7. Chapter 7

Six months was a very long time for Neal to wait. He’d tried very, very hard to remain patient with Peter and Peter’s lack of participation in shedding more light on whatever was going on between them. Unfortunately, Neal’s patience was wearing thin. Peter was treating him as though he were simply an acquaintance rather than a potential love interest. Neal honestly didn’t know if he wanted to pursue a relationship with Peter, but it would be nice to at least see that Peter’s as romantically interested in him as he claimed he was.

They’d been working together for a little over a year now and he didn’t understand why Peter wasn’t attempting to move things forward. He also didn’t realize Peter’s definition of ‘in time’ meant months and quite possibly even years would pass before he revealed the truth. Aside from that, how long did it take Peter to collect his thoughts? That was one thing Peter said he’d needed to do. Did it honestly require several months for him to get everything sorted out?

All of this waiting was frustrating Neal to the point where he was outside of Peter and Elizabeth’s home before he really gave it any thought. Tonight, he was determined to storm into Peter’s home, shove him against a wall, and kiss him as hard as he possibly could prior to demanding answers he’s wanted for months. Maybe that would work. It all depended on whether or not Peter still had romantic feelings for him.

As he was about to knock on the door, it suddenly opened and Elizabeth stood before him. She looked at him as though she were worried and he wondered how she’d known he was there. Why would someone randomly open up their front door if they weren’t expecting a guest? In Neal’s case, he hadn’t even bothered to call ahead of time to state that he was on his way and that Peter should be waiting for him.

Supposedly, Peter had been ‘too sick’ to come into work today, which was apparently very unheard of considering Jones told him that Peter rarely, if ever, took a sick day. Peter was dedicated to his work and absolutely refused to take time off unless it were absolutely necessary. “Neal,” she said warmly. He hadn’t seen Elizabeth since he’d last come by Peter’s home for dinner and ended up storming out on him and subsequently being told that Peter is his mystery lover. “What brings you here?”

He’d come with the intention of making tonight very heated, passionate, and fierce. Upon looking at Elizabeth’s angelic face, Neal honestly lost all sense of fury and frustration that had been building up inside of him all this time. “I…um…” He trailed off because he wanted to think of a decent reason for stopping by. He couldn’t tell her that he planned on ripping the truth out of Peter if it came down to that… It dawned on him then that he could play his ‘concerned friend’ card. “I heard Peter was sick and I wanted to stop by to see how he’s doing.”

She nodded and gave him a gentle smile. Obviously, she believed that he came by with good intentions, but he could see a little hint of doubt and skepticism in her eyes. “He really isn’t feeling well at the moment and I don’t think he’s feeling up to having visitors, but I promise I’ll let him know that you stopped by to check on him.”

Just as Neal was about to accept that and head home, he watched Elizabeth’s eyes shift as a gust of air breezed past them both. Elizabeth refocused on Neal and he found that very curious. She turned around just as Peter was coming downstairs. “I thought I heard your voice.” He sniffled, but he honestly didn’t look that sick. He was in a robe and pajamas with disheveled hair, but he didn’t look…sick. “How’re you, Neal?”

“I came here to ask you the same thing.”

Peter smiled softly, but Neal assumed it was simply because he appreciated that someone cared enough to actually come over to see how he was doing. He didn’t realize that it was because Peter was listening to the beat of his heart. The very sight of Peter made Neal’s heart pound and skip a few beats, but he also assumed that his joy and excitement was contained and unable to be heard—to the human ear. “I’m beginning to feel better. Seeing you is…” He trailed off and that disappointed Neal a great deal. “Would you like to stay for a little while? I’ve been cooped up in the house all day.” Neal nodded silently and Elizabeth gestured for Neal to head into the living room.

Elizabeth asked Neal to make himself at home as she and Peter did a few things in the kitchen, so he waited patiently as he’d done the night he’d planned on staying over for dinner.

“What were you thinking?” Elizabeth hissed. “You could’ve hurt him at the speed you were going.”

“Why is he here?” Peter growled at her. “Why didn’t you just pretend we weren’t home and leave him be until he decided to leave?”

She raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “You honestly expect me to turn your mate away when he oh-so-clearly wants to see you?” Peter bristled at that. “You can hear exactly what I’m hearing. Yes, I do believe he came by to see how ‘sick’ you are, but do you honestly believe that’s the only reason he’s here? His heart didn’t sound like that until you appeared.”

Peter shook his head. “I spent all day hunting and he’s still tempting me.” He’d been struggling while around Neal very much in recent months. Upon revealing that he’s the one in love with Neal and the one who’d been sending him letters, it was considerably obvious that Neal’s feelings while they were around each other had changed. Before, it had been mild attraction and companionship. Now, it seemed as though romantic feelings had wiggled their way into that companionship. Neal was trying to express his feelings, but Peter kept pulling away from him at every turn. “Please pretend I got severely sick. He needs to leave.”

The look of disappointment on Elizabeth’s face would bother Peter for a very, very long time. “You could crush his body in a millisecond, yet you’re too afraid to speak to him one on one.” Peter looked affronted. “He’s a mortal, Peter. He couldn’t hurt you if he tried, yet you’re unable to go out there and face him and your own feelings for him.” Before Peter had the opportunity to say anything snarky in remark, Neal came into the kitchen.

“Would you prefer that I go home rather than hang around?”

Peter’s body jerked all of a sudden and Neal immediately looked concerned as Peter threw his hand over his mouth. He rushed over to Peter and gripped his arm concernedly. “Sorry,” Peter whispered a moment later as he lowered his hand away from his mouth. “I guess I’m not feeling as well as I thought I was.” He met Neal’s gaze apologetically. “I hate to just send you away, but I don’t know if I’m well enough to really give you any decent company or conversation.”

Neal nodded and released Peter’s arm as Peter straightened up. “That’s all right. I’ll…stop by again tomorrow and see how you’re feeling—if that’s okay.” Peter nodded and gave Neal an appreciative smile. Peter walked Neal over to the door, knowing full well that Elizabeth was going to tear him a new one once Neal was gone. “Good night, Peter,” Neal whispered as he turned to face Peter. “I hope you feel better later.”

The urge to hug Neal was beginning to overwhelm Peter, but he didn’t allow it to consume him. Instead, he gently patted Neal’s arm and said, “Good night. I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

•◊•

Neal was walking home after leaving Peter and Elizabeth’s place. It was dark, but he was doing his best to stay in decently lit areas. He also tried to stay in a public area if he could manage it. Peter offered to call a cab for him or drive him home, but Neal turned both offers down. He needed to clear his head and the nice, cool breeze of the chilly night was doing him some good.

His arms were crossed over his chest as he walked and his eyes were darting all around. He was aware of how frightening the streets had become, especially at night, but he’d still decided upon walking home alone. Even as a man, he didn’t have this feeling of being invincible and untouchable. He wasn’t exactly the bulkiest, strongest man in the world. In fact, he was quite slim, but he was strong when he needed to be. Fighting wasn’t at the forefront of his mind, but he’d do what needed to be done in order to protect himself.

As he turned around a corner, he happened to hear someone step on a few leaves behind him. They weren’t too far behind him, but he thought he’d heard someone following him several minutes earlier. He was honestly afraid to turn around and he still couldn’t bring himself to see who was behind him. As far as he was concerned, this man could potentially kill him. It wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to harm him in New York…

Nonetheless, he began to pace himself a little faster. If he could lose whoever was following him, his chances of survival were better. He listened intently to the sounds going on around him. For the most part, things had been quiet. He’d heard footsteps on the pavement, but they began to die down after he sped up.

Just as he was beginning to think he was safe, someone grabbed him. He was pulled into a dark alley by a man who proceeded to wrap an arm around his neck. He stared at the knife that was held in front of his neck and it was clear that whoever held him had no fear of using that knife on him. “Drop all of your money on the ground, pretty boy, and you can go home.” Neal didn’t tremble, but his breathing hitched. To say he wasn’t afraid would have been an absolute lie. Who wouldn’t be afraid when someone was holding a knife to their throat? This was quite literally a life or death situation and he honestly felt like the latter was about to happen.

“I don’t have money,” Neal confessed. The knife touched his skin and he gasped when he felt the sharp edge of it beginning to bite into his skin. “I swear!” he pleaded. “I have no money! I was released from prison recently a-and—and I don’t have money on me.” He honestly had no cash on him. He did have a few cards, but they were owned by various aliases. “Please. Let me go.”

Neal could feel the man’s arm loosening around his throat for a moment. In that moment, he allowed himself to feel relieved, but that relief was very short-lived.

The man holding him sliced his throat in a way that Neal recognized was rather unpracticed and haphazard, but, nonetheless, Neal gasped. He was released and proceeded to fall to his knees. His left hand immediately flew up to his throat and he tried to stop the bleeding. Whenever he considered how his last moments would be, he’d never honestly considered that someone would kill him in a dark alley—not like this.

Rasping and scrambling on the ground, Neal could feel his life coming to an end very soon and it was terrifying him. If the blood loss didn’t kill him, he figured he was going to have a heart attack or panic attack of some sort that would end him for certain. As a matter of fact, he was beginning to feel very lightheaded. For all he knew, he was going to pass out very quickly. On the other hand, he could end up dying a very slow and painful death since this man didn’t seem like a professional killer. He’d done a little bit of studying on injuries like this and, if done correctly, he would’ve passed out within a matter of seconds since his blood flow would have been jeopardized considerably. Unfortunately, this man probably hadn’t done it correctly and Neal was likely to suffer for this man’s mistake.

Turning as the man knelt down, he watched the man sift through his pockets in search of money he believed Neal had. When he didn’t find any, he made a disgruntled sound. “Damn it,” he muttered angrily. “It’s a pity that you weren’t more believable.”

Neal collapsed and stared up at the man. This man would be the last man he’d ever see.

Neal’s world was turned onto its side and he was staring up at a man who was staring back at him, watching the life and blood drain out of his victim rather slowly. Neal’s vision began to blur and his heart was beginning to beat very rapidly to the point where Neal’s breathing was becoming erratic and hard to bear.

In all honesty, Neal wished Peter were the last man he’d ever see. This man, this stranger, was someone he didn’t recognize and he was going to die in the presence of this stranger. What’s worse was that he didn’t even appear very remorseful. He was taking an innocent life and that didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. In a way, Neal wished this man had used a gun rather than a knife…

Just as Neal was beginning to accept that this was the end, an animalistic snarl echoed in the alley. It sounded as though some beast were immensely offended. All Neal could do was watch the man in front of him startle and spin around just in time to be attacked. Neal’s brows furrowed as he tried to focus his vision on what was happening in front of him. He was confused, but he could recognize that the beast he assumed he heard took on the form of a human male.

The…beast-like human was still snarling and Neal watched him take a bite into the man’s neck. The beast-man ravaged the man’s throat before tearing him apart—by hand. Neal watched in horror and wondered if his life were going to end more horrifically than he initially thought it would. He was dying slowly as it was...

Neal gasped a little louder and the beast turned towards him after ripping the other man apart limb by limb until blood was gushing all over the ground. The beast neared Neal rather quickly and knelt in front of him. “It’s okay,” the beast told him. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

If Neal didn’t know any better, he’d honestly think that this beast was…Peter.

As the beast-man in front of him bit his own wrist, Neal watched that wrist come closer to him. “No,” Neal whispered in agony. “Let me be…”

“Please,” the beast pleaded. “You’ll survive. Let me help you.”

Neal didn’t know what choice he had at this point. It was either he put his faith in this beast of a man or he refused the offer and allowed himself to die.

The man lifted him into a sitting position and held him close, holding him as though they were lovers. He lifted his wrist and held it up to Neal’s lips, waiting patiently as Neal tried very hard to focus on him. He wasn’t doing what the beast-man hoped he would, but he could feel something. He wasn’t quite sure what this something was, but there was this feeling of…intimacy. Without knowing who this man was or why he had spared his life, he honestly trusted him... He couldn’t see very well, but this man seemed desperate to save him. The arm that was wrapped around him was considerably strong, but it was clearly shaky—as if he were afraid. Not knowing what that meant or why this man felt compelled to help him in his would-have-been dying moments, he ended up nodding silently. This man slaughtered his attacker. The least he could do was trust that help had actually arrived.

The man told him to drink from his wrist and Neal did as he was asked. Whatever he was drinking tasted strange to the point where he had to close his eyes and scrunch up his nose, but Neal’s vision was beginning to return to normal the longer he spent drinking from this man’s wrist. He’d never done anything like this before and he didn’t quite understand what was happening. If this saved his life, he would be unbelievably grateful though.

When his vision was finally cleared, he stared up in horror at the beast-man he’d seen tear another man apart before his very eyes.

That beast-man was… _Peter._


	8. Chapter 8

Neal let out a strangled cry and proceeded to move away from the man who’d just saved him. He lifted his right hand to touch his throat and he could feel the wound closing even as he continued rasping for breath. He was healing rather quickly and he didn’t understand. How could Peter do this?

Peter held his hands up and stared at Neal in terror as well. Neal’s chest was heaving while they kept their eyes on each other. Peter made no move towards Neal, but he desperately wanted to. “You’re all right,” Peter whispered. “Please relax.” Neal looked beyond Peter and focused on the man who’d been torn apart in front of him. Instantly, a pang of regret and guilt struck Peter. He hadn’t meant to frighten Neal, but he also wouldn’t allow that man to live for nearly killing his mate, his Neal. “Neal, everything’s okay.” The young man shook his head and trembled as he pointed towards the blood and body parts on the ground. “H-How did you do _that?_ _What_ are you?” he asked as his voice shook. His eyes were wide and he kept moving further and further away from Peter until he backed himself into a brick wall. Peter frowned at the man he loved very much and he couldn’t stand the look of fear he was seeing aimed directly at him. This wasn’t exactly the best way to reveal himself to Neal and he honestly never had the intention of doing so if he didn’t need to, but… It was bound to happen sooner or later. It wasn’t like he could have watched his mate die without at least attempting to intervene and save his life.

“I…will explain,” Peter promised quietly. “Please allow me to take care of you first.”

Neal flinched as Peter neared him, which halted Peter immediately. “Are you going to do _that_ to me?” he asked as he nodded towards the man who was without a doubt very dead.

“No. I could never hurt you,” Peter said immediately. “I will never harm you.” Neal swallowed hard, but he nodded. He’d trusted Peter prior to this and they’d known each other for quite some time. It wasn’t like Peter had ever attempted to do something so awful to him before, so he figured he may as well trust that Peter wasn’t here to hurt him as well.

As Peter cautiously neared Neal, he could see the fear intensifying in Neal’s eyes. He didn’t realize why until he noticed that Neal was staring at his mouth. Gasping, Peter lifted his right hand to feel his fangs—as well as the blood that was drying on them and his lips. He could only imagine that he wasn’t exactly as appealing to Neal as he hoped he was in general. “You’re a monster,” Neal whispered as he turned his head away from Peter. He couldn’t help seeing the gruesome, bloody sight of what Peter had done to his attacker. Despite being grateful for Peter’s protection, it didn’t take away from the fact that Peter had just slaughtered someone effortlessly.

Those words that Neal whispered were words that Peter never wanted to hear escape Neal’s lips. He stared at Neal painfully and asked, “Would you prefer that I leave you alone?” Neal looked at him again and Peter could see the conflict in his eyes. “I…can leave and never return.” The way Neal was staring at Peter now gave Peter conflicting feelings. Nonetheless, he paused as he knelt in front of Neal. Tentatively, he reached out to touch the young man’s throat. As Peter gently glided his fingers along the warm skin of the mortal he’d fallen in love with, he noticed that Neal’s eyes had closed and his lips parted.

Even though Neal was afraid, it was obvious that he still wanted to trust Peter. Several silent minutes passed as Peter gently stroked Neal’s throat. There was neither a scar nor another mark to indicate that Neal had been attacked. As far as anyone else knew, Neal’s throat had never been slit. “I have so many questions,” Neal whispered as he slowly opened his eyes. The fear was beginning to fade away, but it was still very present. “I want the truth. No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” Peter promised quietly. It wasn’t like he could hide anything from Neal now unless he decided to compel Neal to forget what he’d seen. Despite hating the look of fear he’d seen in Neal’s eyes, he could see that Neal wanted to understand and he was slightly willing to explain all of this to Neal. It would only be problematic if the Illuminatis decided to stop by to check in on him and Elizabeth before he had the opportunity to give Neal the choice of transforming into…this _monstrosity._

Peter helped Neal stand and they walked silently back to Peter’s home. In all honesty, Peter could have carried Neal back to the house in the blink of an eye, but he needed to allow Neal time to relax first.

Elizabeth knew that Peter was going to follow Neal to make sure he arrived at his apartment safely and she could hear them approaching the house shortly thereafter. Something had happened since Neal’s heart was racing, but she figured it had to be something serious since Peter had revealed himself while following Neal. Even though she wanted to hear from Peter about whatever had transpired between Neal’s departure and return, she figured she wouldn’t be welcome. This was more than likely something that Neal and Peter needed to figure out between and for themselves.

That became very clear when she heard Peter whisper to her, asking that she leave.

When Peter unlocked the door and gestured for Neal to enter, he watched Neal walk into the house as though he were afraid. Peter followed Neal inside before closing the door. Neal turned to face the other man and whispered, “Peter…”

“I will answer your questions truthfully,” Peter said solemnly. He decided to take a seat on the couch and stared up at Neal sadly.

Neal recognized the pain both in Peter’s voice as well as in his eyes. This was obviously something Peter never wanted to reveal to him and he could understand that. Why would anyone want to reveal that they’re a killing machine? “What are you?”

Sighing quietly, Peter closed his eyes and whispered, “I’m a vampire.”

Neal’s eyes widened. Had he not known about the fact that Keller had become a vampire, he might not have believed Peter. Then again, he might have regardless. Peter tore a man apart in a matter of seconds. “What did you do to heal me?”

Peter swallowed hard before answering him. “There is venom in my blood when I drink human blood.” That didn’t exactly answer Neal’s question, but he figured it was building up to the answer. “He was dead in a matter of moments, but I…drank his blood before killing him. He attempted to murder you and I…couldn’t watch you die.” He clasped his hands together in front of himself before sighing once again. “I try not to harm humans… It does things to my body that aren’t entirely natural. However, the venom in my blood has the ability to heal humans.” Neal wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to ask how Peter had discovered that. “I shared my venom with you to heal your wound. Please do me a favor and try not to get yourself…killed…with my venom in your system.”

Neal’s brows furrowed. “Why?”

“If you are killed with my venom in your system, you’ll…transform. It’s one of a couple different ways that you could transform.” Neal’s eyes widened at that realization. “The venom will last for approximately twenty-four hours. In that period of time, any wounds that are inflicted upon you will heal. As long as you aren’t killed rather quickly or instantly, you won’t become…this.”

“How did this happen to you?”

Peter hesitated before answering, “I’d rather not talk about that at this very moment…”

Neal nodded. He figured he could let that slide. Perhaps it was something very painful for Peter to recall. “How did you know I was hurt?”

“I was following you home,” Peter admitted. “I usually do because I want to make sure you aren’t hurt.” Neal wondered how Peter had managed to do things without making his presence known. “I know your scent very well. I usually follow you from the rooftops, but I tend to keep my distance and follow your scent at times because I didn’t want you to know I was…stalking you.”

“I wouldn’t call it stalking,” Neal admitted. “You have good intentions.”

Peter nodded. “May I be painfully honest with you?” Neal nodded, furrowing his brows as he wondered why Peter chose to consider this painful. “I love you. I have loved you since I met you and I still don’t understand why.” Neal felt compelled to move closer to Peter. Up to this point, he’d been alienating Peter since he’d watched Peter take a man’s life—in a very brutal manner. “I’ve followed you throughout your life because I’ve wanted to protect you. I began writing letters to you because…because I could watch you smile and hear you laugh as you read my letters aloud.” Neal smiled a little at that. He still found it strange that Peter knew all of this… “Making you happy is all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

“Why couldn’t you tell me that you’re a…vampire?”

“Because mortals aren’t supposed to know about my kind,” Peter told him. “We live among you, but we’re required by our ‘government,’ if you will, to keep our existence a secret.” He looked up at Neal apologetically as Neal stood in front of him. Neal held his hand out towards Peter and his heart sped up as Peter took his hand and intertwined their fingers. “Believe me when I say that I have warred with these feelings I have for you,” Peter whispered sadly. “I should have left several years ago in order to keep up appearances and to move on with a clean slate.”

In that moment, Neal fully recognized the fact that Peter _is_ in love with him. After hearing that Peter would leave after a certain period of time and knowing that Peter was still around, it meant that Peter had a reason to stay. _He_ was the reason Peter stayed. “You stayed because of me?” He felt the need to ask the question just to be sure.

Nodding slowly, Peter gently squeezed Neal’s fingers. “Leaving you would feel as though I’d left part of my very being behind…” Neal felt very touched by that. He couldn’t imagine the kind of life Peter has been living. Now that he thought about it, he wondered how long Peter had been living this life. Perhaps now wasn’t the best time to ask those kinds of questions though. He’d gotten answers he desperately wanted and Peter confirmed his feelings for him, so it wasn’t like Peter hadn’t given satisfactory responses. “I’ve never felt the way I feel when I am near you. I am a creature of destruction, yet I fear you.” Neal’s brows furrowed in confusion. Peter was afraid of him? “I feared that your feelings for me would change upon discovering that I was the one behind those letters for several years. I…”

It was considerably obvious that Peter had other fears that he felt uncomfortable about discussing at this very moment. Perhaps, in time, Peter would feel comfortable speaking to a human about his immortal life and all of the personal struggles he’s dealt with. “We don’t have to talk about _everything_ right now if you’d prefer not to,” Neal assured him.

Peter glanced at him curiously before asking, “You still want to associate yourself with me?”

“Of course,” Neal said as though there were no question or doubt about that. When he looked at Peter, he didn’t see a monster. He regretted calling Peter that aloud, but he couldn’t see it when he was face to face with the other man. “Peter, I…don’t know where things will go from this point forward, but I do share your feelings.”

The older man looked so taken aback by that, as if he were expecting an outright rejection from Neal. “At this moment in time, things can’t go anywhere.” Neal remained silent, but Peter could see the agony in his eyes. “You and I have a complicated work relationship. My position within the FBI essentially makes it inappropriate for me to have a…romantic relationship with you. It could be considered an abuse of power over you since I could potentially threaten you with prison for one reason or another.”

Neal could understand that as well. “So what you’re saying is that you want to wait three years.”

“I don’t,” Peter admitted solemnly. He gently shifted Neal backwards before standing in front of the young man. Resting his free hand on Neal’s hip, he gently stroked Neal’s hip bone. Each touch upon Neal’s fragile body needed to be gentle. This pertained to Peter’s biggest fear when it came to Neal. The way he feels about Neal is indescribable and he couldn’t imagine having to live with himself if he took Neal’s life by accident. “I have waited so long for you… I have never felt this way before, but I’m having a very difficult time controlling myself right now.”

“Controlling yourself in what way?” Neal asked as a touch of fear made its way into his voice.

Peter gave him a small, sad smile. “I have desperately wanted to caress your skin, to run my fingers through your hair, to hold you close and never let go…” Neal’s heart sped up. He wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to admit aloud that Peter’s words were exciting him. He’d never had another man say these things to him, but it proved that Peter was his mystery lover since the man behind the letters had written such sweet things to him. “I thought I was in love a very long time ago, but I can’t recall ever feeling as in love as I feel when I look at you.”

The blush that began to creep across Neal’s cheeks made Peter incredibly happy, especially since he could hear Neal’s heart beating wildly. “I know you feel very strongly about me,” Neal said, “but where does that leave us? Are we going to force ourselves to keep this…appropriate?”

“Despite how strongly I feel for you, I honestly believe that we should give this some time.” Neal sighed, but Peter didn’t allow him to say a word. “You don’t know what you’d be getting yourself into with me, Neal. Before we can…consider anything further than this, I believe we should…”

Neal watched Peter as Peter trailed off. “You want me to see if I’d be willing to live the life you’ve lived for so long.” Peter didn’t exactly express that Neal knew exactly what he was thinking, but he did give away the fact that it was painful for him to consider. “Peter, I never would’ve believed that you were a vampire until I saw you tear that man apart.” Mentioning that once again seemed to cause Peter some pain. “You’re a kind man that I enjoy being around. I don’t think you’re a killer.”

Peter scoffed quietly before removing his hand from Neal’s hip and releasing the hand he’d intertwined with Neal’s. He walked away from Neal and Neal could see that he had hurt Peter. “You told me I’m a monster and you were right.” Neal’s lips parted. He hadn’t meant to make Peter feel like a monster. “I’ve killed more people than I would like to admit to you. Nine times out of ten, my victim deserved the end I gave them.”

Approaching Peter slowly, Neal gently rested his hand on Peter’s back. Peter glanced over his shoulder to look at the young man sadly. “You’re not a monster,” he whispered. “If you were, I wouldn’t be alive right now.” Peter didn’t entirely see how that made any sense. Fortunately, Neal explained it. “Peter, my throat was slit. I was bleeding to death.” He rubbed Peter’s back for a few moments before whispering, “You drink blood to survive. As I said, I was bleeding out. You, not even for a moment, looked like you were going to kill me.” Peter looked like he wanted to protest, so Neal blurted, “Yes. I was afraid. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. Nonetheless, you took care of me and helped me recover rather than draining the life out of me.”

“Because I love you…”

“If you were a monster, you wouldn’t have given a damn. You’re as human as I am, Peter, simply because of the fact that you spared my life and helped me heal. I could have died and you saved me.” Peter turned around to face Neal once again and he could see the sincerity in Neal’s eyes. “I want to get to know this side of you,” he said softly. “You have no reason to lie to me or keep secrets from me now, so please… Please don’t shut me out or turn me away anymore.”

Peter listened to Neal’s heart and he could tell Neal was as emotionally impacted by all of this as his voice suggested. “You...”

“Yes,” Neal interjected. “I can finally see you as you are rather than as you pretend to be.” Peter hadn’t expected this at all. “For the time being though, can we please change out of these clothes?” Peter glanced down at Neal’s chest and realized that he was covered in his own blood. Peter was covered in blood as well—clothes, lips, and all.

“I think we can manage that.”

It was probably in their best interest that they take care of this rather quickly anyway. Neal’s scent aroused Peter, especially the scent of his blood. Peter had been able to suppress those feelings because he was concerned about Neal, but now his instincts were beginning to kick in and Neal’s blood was overwhelming him. Silently, he damned Neal for bringing attention to how alluring the scent of his blood is…

“After that, you and I are going to sit down and talk about this a little more…” Peter looked at him in question, so Neal gave him a tiny smile in response. “I’ve waited months to understand all of your hesitation and avoidance. I intend on getting answers from you now that you’re capable of being honest with me.”

Peter figured he could live with that. If Neal were willing to accept him as he is rather than run away from him while screaming in terror, perhaps things would work out in the future. Neal had rightfully been afraid of him upon first seeing him so animalistic, but he could recognize Peter’s humanity since he’d seen the human side of Peter so much. Neal didn’t seem like he was judging Peter based on the brutal act he’d committed right in front of Neal, but Peter was sure that Neal would always remember seeing him rip another man apart. In a way, Peter took pride in that. Despite the fact that he’d terrified Neal, he’d proven that Neal belongs to him and that he will take care of Neal. Neal is his priority—his mate.

Neal had called Peter a monster, but he knew he was wrong. Peter wasn’t a monster. Peter seemed like he was honestly under the impression that he was a monster and Neal was going to do whatever it took to show him how wrong he is. If Peter were a monster, this conversation wouldn’t have taken place. What Peter had done may have seemed out of control at that particular moment in time, but Neal understood that Peter had been in control of himself.

After all, Peter’s love for him had saved his life.


	9. Chapter 9

Neal glanced over at Peter as Peter worked on one of the several case files they’d taken with them when they left the bureau. They were sitting in Peter’s living room and relaxing in silence, occasionally breaking that silence to bounce ideas off of each other or ask for each other’s thoughts. Neal, since finding out about Peter’s true nature, had developed considerably deep feelings for the other man. Peter has acted more natural around him when they aren’t at the bureau.

Some things still had a tendency to startle Neal, but he was growing accustomed to Peter’s strength as well as his speed. He tried not to ask too many questions that would bother Peter, but he still had several things that piqued his curiosity. Quietly, Neal’s stomach growled and he attempted to silence it before Peter heard it. Due to Peter’s transformation, all of his senses were heightened and he immediately heard Neal’s stomach. “I do have snacks for you in the kitchen, Neal. You don’t have to starve while you’re here.”

Curious, Neal asked, “You keep food here just for me?” Peter nodded as he glanced at him. “I don’t suppose there’s anything out in the kitchen that’s able to quench your thirst for blood…”

“Not until you go out th—” Peter gasped at himself, which startled Neal. Of course Neal had noticed the hunger in Peter’s eyes when they were alone, but he trusts Peter. He didn’t fear that Peter was going to accidentally harm him. “I’m sorry. Go get yourself a snack.”

Neal didn’t protest. He stood up and headed out into the kitchen to find some of the Poptarts Peter told him about a few days earlier. “You still know all of my favorites,” Neal whispered, knowing Peter could hear him. He smiled a bit as he pulled the Cookies and Cream Poptarts out of the cabinet. He opened the box and took a pack out before closing the box and returning it to its original place in the cabinet. As soon as he turned around, Peter was standing in front of him. He gasped quietly as his eyes widened. Peter looked equally startled. “Don’t sneak up on me, please. I don’t mind if you’re quiet or if you’re close. Just…don’t silently stand behind me like that.”

Peter nodded, whispering, “I’m sorry.”

The more time Neal spent with Peter, he knew something was bothering Peter. He just couldn’t figure it out for some reason. “Are you okay?” Peter furrowed his brows. He thought he was keeping his worries and concerns to himself. The fact that Neal picked up on Peter’s thoughts and emotions stunned Peter. “When you and I are alone together, you always look so stiff and sad. I would’ve thought you’d be happier now that you can be honest with me.”

“I am happier,” Peter admitted.

“Then what’s been bothering you?”

Peter searched Neal’s eyes silently for a few moments before asking, “Now that you know about what I am… Do you recall being around someone…similar?” Neal’s heart sped up and he knew Peter could hear that. Instantly, Peter was on the defensive. “Please tell me you aren’t still spending time with him.”

“Him?”

“The vampire you’re having intercourse with.”

Neal’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened. Of course he’d once implied that he’d been having sex with another individual, but he didn’t realize Peter knew that he had been with another vampire. “Peter, I-I stopped.” It’d been difficult, but he dragged himself away from the only vampire he’d known prior to Peter revealing that he is also a vampire. “How did you know?”

Peter touched Neal’s throat gently and whispered, “He leaves marks on you.” It’d taken two weeks for Neal to break away from his sexual relationship with Keller, but he’d done it. He’d refused Keller entrance to his apartment once and that cut him off immediately. It wasn’t like Neal planned on leaving to go anywhere alone. After all, he was starving a creature he’d been feeding. Peter always texted him or called him before he made his way over to Neal’s apartment, so Neal knew he was safe with Peter. “He leaves marks on my mate,” Peter said so quietly that Neal nearly hadn’t heard his words.

When Peter’s thumb rested over the pulse point on Neal’s neck, Neal could see how dark Peter’s eyes were becoming. “Do you need to feed?” Neal asked, sounding uncertain. He didn’t want to make assumptions because he was afraid of making Peter uncomfortable or feel guilty. Peter nodded and closed his eyes. The agony that ripped through Peter was beginning to hurt Neal. “Peter, I’m willing to—”

“Don’t you dare,” Peter snarled at him. “Do not offer your blood to me as though you were some animal for me to use to sustain myself.”

Neal pleaded with Peter as he said, “But I’m right here. Why would you prefer to travel several miles away from here to find the right animals to feed on when you could use my blood?”

Peter had to remove his hand from Neal’s neck and he looked angrily at the man he loved more than anything. “I could kill you. You’re a fool if you think I can control myself.”

“You’re a fool if you honestly think I don’t trust you with my life,” Neal snapped back at him. “A fledgling used me. You’re much older than he was. Why can’t you—?”

Before Neal had the opportunity to finish his sentence, Peter had him pressed against a wall. He was breathing heavily on Neal’s neck as though Neal were tempting him and he were coming very close to losing all sense of self-control. “The fledgling drank from you as he harmed your body from the inside out,” Peter said, sounding as though he were in pain just thinking about what had been done to Neal. “I couldn’t…”

Sighing quietly, Neal said, “I trust you. You haven’t hurt me, Peter, and I know how you feel about me.”

“Please don’t,” Peter begged him. “Don’t give me your faith. I could kill you in a heartbeat… Your life would be over and I would be forced to live in regret—without you in my life.” Neal had spoken to Elizabeth when Peter went away to feed for a while once. He understood to an extent that human blood had always tempted Peter and that he’d struggled for several years following his transformation to break himself of his craving for human blood. He knew Peter had taken a lot of lives, but he knew Peter wouldn’t hurt him. If Peter truly wanted to hurt him, he would’ve done it already.

Peter backed away from Neal after a few moments. “Peter, did I make things harder between us by…spending time with a fledgling before you told me the truth?” The way Peter avoided looking at Neal then told Neal exactly what he’d already known. “Is it because you want to be with me and you’re afraid of losing control?”

It’d been nearly a month since Peter had saved his life, but he was beginning to understand the tortured soul before him. He didn’t know about any of Peter’s past relationships, but he could imagine that Peter would’ve struggled romantically for obvious reasons. “I…wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I attempted to create an atmosphere of romance with you that would undoubtedly end in tragedy. Your body would be fragile in my hands…”

Smiling softly yet sadly at Peter, Neal set his Poptarts on the kitchen counter, stepped closer to him, and rested his hands on Peter’s chest. “You won’t know if you can control yourself until we actually try something. That isn’t my way of saying we should have sex right this very moment, but you…need to allow yourself to feel human.”

“I don’t know how to be human anymore…”

Neal watched the older man sadly. “Why do you still torture yourself?” Neal asked him. “I’m okay with what you are. I feel very deeply for you. Why can’t you allow yourself to progress our relationship?” Peter looked like he was going to snap at Neal, but Neal figured he knew what Peter was going to say to him. “I know it’d be an ‘abuse of power’ if someone found out, but why couldn’t we keep it secret until I’m no longer working for you?”

Peter shook his head. “I can’t pretend I’m not in love with you.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Neal assured him. “You and I can still tease each other at work, go out to lunch together, and do whatever else we usually do. When we _aren’t_ at the bureau, we’re free to act like ourselves—like we’re together.” Neal was really trying to encourage him because he didn’t think he could wait three years. Granted, Peter had waited a very, very long time for him… Neal was beginning to feel incredibly selfish because of that. Peter had waited more than a decade for Neal and he’d done everything he possibly could for Neal from afar, whereas Neal had been able to have relationships with a few different individuals.

Silence loomed over the two men as Peter stared down at the floor. Neal’s hands were still on Peter’s chest, but he was beginning to lower his hands out of sheer discouragement.

“You honestly want to have a secret relationship with me?” Peter whispered as he rested his hands over Neal’s and held them on his chest. “I mean… It will be difficult to be in a relationship with me.” Neal was able to give Peter a small smile then, encouraging Peter. “Secret or not, a relationship with me may do more harm than good to you.”

Neal sighed quietly before whispering, “I have more faith in you than you have in yourself. Trust yourself.”

Peter stared at Neal’s face and he could see so much innocence there. Considering he knew about everything Neal had gone through in his last serious relationship, he wondered how Neal was able to move on as easily as he was. Perhaps he’d made things easier for Neal since he’d been there to pick up the pieces Vincent had shattered shortly thereafter. Listening to Neal cry from afar always broke Peter’s heart and he hadn’t regretted writing letters to Neal back then because he wanted to do whatever he could to make Neal want to fall asleep with a smile on his face rather than go to bed with tears in his eyes.

Perhaps Neal wasn’t wrong in trusting him. He’d never wanted to harm Neal and he’d ‘taken care of’ everyone who’d ever harmed Neal. Despite his nightmares that pertained to him ending Neal’s life, he always woke himself up and panicked.

Tentatively, Peter began to lean his head closer to Neal’s. He gently nuzzled the side of Neal’s face and loved the fact that he could feel Neal smile. It’d been a very long time since he’d interacted like this with another man. He regretted his decision to nuzzle Neal’s neck because he’d pressed his nose against Neal’s skin, against his pulse. The blood that was pumping through Neal’s veins aroused him. He never understood why Neal’s blood was so different from that of other humans. He was so attuned to Neal’s blood and the very scent of it made Peter want him.

Neal was a little uncertain when Peter’s lips began to rub his skin. He wasn’t afraid of Peter because he knew Peter didn’t have the intention of hurting him, but he wondered if Peter were correct in saying he was a fool to think Peter was in control of himself.

“Damn it,” Peter whispered against Neal’s neck. Neal stiffened a little when he felt Peter’s fangs. “I won’t hurt you,” he promised. “I’m trying to make them go away…” Peter’s arms slid around Neal loosely. He rubbed Neal’s back to calm Neal’s nerves. Peter was truly struggling this close to Neal. Neal seemed to feel that as well and it was making him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry,” Peter said as he pulled away.

Shaking his head, Neal said, “Don’t apologize. We’ll make it through this. It’ll just take time.”

Peter nodded, staring into Neal’s eyes. He noticed that Neal was trying desperately not to focus on Peter’s fangs that were still present. “I hate seeing you afraid.”

“I’m not afraid,” Neal immediately responded. “I want to help you, but I know I can’t.” Peter’s brows furrowed. “I’m willing to give my blood to you. Perhaps it’ll help you.” The incredulous look on Peter’s face made Neal swallow hard. “You’ve gotten accustomed to drinking animal blood because you stayed away from human blood as long as you could. Would giving my blood to you increase your tolerance towards me?”

“I don’t know and I don’t want to find out.”

Neal sighed. “You need to feed, but I don’t want you to leave. You’ll be hours away from here…”

Peter, again, appreciated Neal. He could see that Neal sincerely wanted him to stay and he was more than willing to offer his blood to Peter if it kept him here. Peter just couldn’t allow himself to indulge his own curiosity and arousal. For all he knew, drinking Neal’s blood would make him crave Neal more and he may end up killing Neal by draining too much of his blood.

That wasn’t an option Peter would ever happily consider. If all of the animals on the planet died out suddenly, he didn’t think he could sustain himself with Neal’s blood even then.

“I’ll only be gone for a couple of hours,” Peter whispered. “You’re more than welcome to stay here.” Neal frowned at him. It was considerably obvious that he wanted to help. He had good intentions, but Peter was afraid that Neal’s good intentions would end up biting him in the ass. Tentatively, Peter leaned towards Neal and kissed Neal’s forehead. Neal closed his eyes and savored the moment that seemed to drag on forever… Peter hadn’t kissed him yet, so that little kiss on his forehead meant very much to him. “I will come back to you, Neal. I always will…”

Despite the fact that Neal honestly didn’t want Peter to leave, he knew he couldn’t change Peter’s mind yet. He allowed Peter to leave rather quickly and knew he would need to keep himself busy until Peter returned.

•◊•

As Neal sat on the bed across from a very distraught Peter, he asked, “How long have you been without a lover?” He’d been in Peter’s room while Peter had been feeding and he’d just laid on Peter’s bed silently with his eyes closed until he dozed off for a bit. Peter had come back and he’d woken up almost immediately to see Peter staring at him brokenly.

Sighing, Peter whispered, “It’s been a little over four centuries since I had a profoundly intimate relationship with another man.” Of course there had been a man or two since the very last man he’d been intimate with, but he’d never allowed himself to be physical with a human after tearing a man apart without intending to. That was exactly why Peter was so afraid to consider making love to Neal before offering Neal the choice of transforming.

Neal frowned and solemnly said, “Four hundred years is a long time to spend alone.”

Upon glancing at the young man, Peter told him, “I don’t fully understand my feelings for you. I’ve been around hundreds of thousands of human males and none of them made me feel the way you make me feel.” Neal gave him a gentle smile. “I may not express myself properly, but you do make me very happy.”

“I’m glad,” Neal said. “Considering how miserable you’ve been for a long time, I’m glad I impact your life in a positive way.” He’d spoken to Elizabeth about Peter’s self-inflicted misery and it made his heart hurt. Peter hadn’t allowed himself to be happy because he was afraid of what he was capable of doing without realizing it or intending to do something. Knowing how miserable Peter has made himself made Neal’s heart ache for him. He’d lived so long in his own emotional solitude and tried to take precautions rather than allow himself to feel…human. “I want you to be happy. You deserve that.” Peter was beginning to smile at him because it meant a lot to hear Neal say sweet things to him. “I promise I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy.”

Peter appreciated that very much, but he shook his head. “Just…breathe. What I love most is hearing your heart beat.” Neal chuckled and nodded because that was something he could do without giving it any thought. “Neal, may I make the assumption that I make you…happy?”

Neal raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ve been spending more time with you. What do you think?” 

“I don’t mean to be insensitive, but you spent a lot of time with Vincent…”

Neal stiffened at the mention of his ex. Peter hadn’t spoken of Vincent in quite some time and he’d appreciated that—until now. “For all intents and purposes, that man raped me. I would prefer that we don’t speak of him again.” He’d sounded harsher than he’d intended to, but he didn’t want to think about his past when he was with Peter. It hurt to remember how much he’d tried to please Vincent and how much he’d suffered for his naivety.

Peter heard the pain in Neal’s angry tone. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I won’t bring him up again.”

The young man nodded silently. He felt like he’d gotten what he deserved when he’d been with Vincent. Vincent Adler was a very wealthy and successful man that he’d been conning. Naturally, Neal’s feelings had gotten the best of him the more and more he was around Vincent. Unfortunately, Vincent’s charm had been a façade while they were working together. It was behind closed doors where Neal had seen Vincent’s true colors.

Of course Neal knew his con wasn’t going to last forever. Vincent found out about his con and he’d proceeded to make Neal’s life a living hell while insisting that he was doing everything he did out of love. All of the lies Vincent told him were exactly why Neal wanted to believe that his mystery lover would always be there for him. He’d needed the consolation Peter had given him then—even though he hadn’t known Peter was behind that consolation at the time.

When Peter reached out to take Neal’s hand in his own, Neal met Peter’s gaze. “I’m okay,” he whispered.

“No, you really aren’t,” Peter said quietly in response. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s not your fault,” Neal said. “You aren’t to blame for what happened. He was cruel and I was a fool.” Peter wanted to argue that, but he could see that Neal wasn’t feeling up to arguing. Neal didn’t need that right now. “The past is the past. It was several years ago and I’ve had you all this time—even if I didn’t know you were the guardian angel watching over me.”

Peter lifted Neal’s hand and gently kissed his knuckles. “I will never treat you the way he treated you. I can promise you that right now.” Neal nodded because he believed that. There was no doubt in his mind about whether or not Peter might be capable of abusing him. If Peter even attempted to abuse him, he’d probably kill Neal instantly. “You are everything to me. You have been everything to me for quite some time, Neal.”

Neal’s smile was sad, but Peter could see the appreciation in his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered. “You’ve done so much for me and I honestly wish there were something I could do to repay you.” Peter waved it off as though he’d never considered asking Neal for anything in return.

“There’s nothing you can offer me that I don’t already have,” Peter told him. “You have told me that your feelings for me are mutual. I get to listen to your heart beat on a daily basis. What else could I possibly want?”

“If there’s ever anything, just tell me,” Neal said in response.

Peter looked away from him for a moment before saying, “Well… There is one thing I’d like to ask of you.”

“Anything,” Neal whispered.

Peter let a few moments of silence ensue before smiling softly at the man he loves. “Would you feel comfortable spending the night here?” Neal nodded. “Are you certain?”

Neal raised an eyebrow. “Of course I am. I know you won’t hurt me.”

Even though Peter began to regret his request as Neal’s scent increasingly damn-near overwhelmed him, he’d taken Neal out to dinner and pretended to eat like a human would. Dinner had been nice and then they’d gone for a walk in the park together. They kept it casual, but spoke about their relationship a little more. Peter made it very clear to Neal that Neal wasn’t bound to this relationship by any means. If Neal ever wanted out, he could back out without Peter questioning him or pleading for him to change his mind. And Neal made it very clear that he had no intention of backing out unless Peter killed him. He’d meant it in a teasing manner, but it’d upset Peter for a few moments. Neal was suggesting that only death itself would be capable of taking him away from Peter. Peter didn’t like thinking about losing Neal nor did he enjoy thinking that he’d be the reason Neal lost his life.

Elizabeth came home very late—claiming she had multiple ‘dates’ with beautiful men throughout the night—to find Neal and Peter curled up on Peter’s bed together. She saw the case files they’d been working on spread out across the bedroom floor, but they didn’t seem like they were touched very much. She hoped that Peter had paid more attention to Neal and she was glad to see that that seemed to be the case.

She only went into the bedroom to make sure Neal was covered up, but she realized that Peter made sure he kept Neal warm. His arms were around Neal and Neal was wrapped up in the blanket already. Peter never got cold nor did he get too warm, so he gave Neal the entirety of the blanket.

Neal’s hands were holding Peter’s and she figured that was a very good sign. He clearly wanted Peter to hold him close and, fortunately, Peter seemed content to do just that. She was even surprised to see how close to Neal’s throat Peter’s face was. That could be very dangerous for Neal, but Neal did tell her repeatedly just how much he trusts Peter.

For the first time in a long time, Elizabeth was just glad to see Peter happy—and with a man he loves very, very much. Both of them had fallen asleep with smiles on their faces. She’d encouraged Neal to urge Peter into considering a relationship and, evidently, her encouragement and Neal’s words to Peter had made Peter feel capable of expressing his love as he’d once done a very long time ago.

Peter had wanted Neal for a very long time. It was nice to see that Neal wanted him just as much—and that they were _finally_ together.


	10. Chapter 10

Peter went out to feed like he always did, which meant Neal was free to stay in Peter’s home. Since Peter first asked him to spend the night with him, he’d frequently slept over. Of course he still lived in his apartment and he made sure he spent a decent amount of time there so no one would ever question him if they checked his anklet. He was given permission to be in Peter’s home, but he figured they’d question him if he stayed for an extended period of time.

“Is something on your mind?” Elizabeth asked him. They were relaxing in the living room, waiting for Peter to return. Neal simply wanted to spend time with Peter, but Elizabeth was protecting Neal until Peter returned. She’d promised Peter that she’d keep an eye on Neal if he weren’t around. She was now aware of the fact that another vampire was among them and she’d tried hunting for him to no avail. Whoever that vampire was, he was a potential threat to Neal’s life as well as Neal’s relationship with Peter.

Neal sighed and nodded. “Can I ask you a very personal question?” She gave him a gentle smile to indicate that he was more than welcome to. “Have you ever had a…mate?”

Nodding, she said, “I did once.”

“Once?”

Her smile became considerably sad for a moment. “I lost control and killed him,” she admitted. Neal’s eyes widened. “Why do you ask?”

Neal swallowed hard before asking, “Did you ever drink his blood?”

Raising an eyebrow at Neal, she wondered why he was asking her this. “Even though it is forbidden for us to reveal ourselves to mortals, there is a very intimate ‘ritual’ between two mates involving the mortal’s blood and the immortal’s venom.” Neal sat forward, furrowing his brows as he listened to her. “The immortal tends to compel their mate into allowing this ‘ritual’ to occur, but…” She shrugged. “It’s risky. If the mortal isn’t compelled and goes through with it willingly, the mortal’s life is definitely in jeopardy.”

“Why would you share your venom with the human though?”

“It replenishes the blood the human loses as vampires sustain themselves. You saw how quickly your throat healed when Peter shared his venom with you.” Neal nodded. “Let me just tell you this,” she said as she straightened up a little, looking a bit more serious than she had moments before. “Sharing blood and venom is a very intimate act between mates. The fact that Peter has shared his venom with you already suggests that he wants to make a lifelong bond with you.”

Neal felt the need to ask, “Then why does Peter refuse my efforts to share my blood with him?”

“You’ve offered?” He nodded silently in response. She looked thoughtful as she leaned back against the couch again. “Vampires I’ve interacted with since my transformation have told me that this typically happens during mating. Perhaps Peter isn’t comfortable drinking your blood since you aren’t intimate yet.” She glanced at him and noticed the disappointment on his face. “You want to share your blood with him very badly, don’t you?”

“I do,” Neal said honestly. “I didn’t know there was a certain kind of intimacy like this between humans and vampires, but I’d do anything for Peter.”

Elizabeth turned her head to the side for a moment before giving Neal a look he understood. Peter had returned and she didn’t want to upset Peter by continuing this discussion now that he was within hearing range. Peter didn’t exactly want Elizabeth revealing so much to Neal because he wanted to explain things to Neal, but he honestly didn’t want her talking to Neal about such intimate things.

As soon as Peter came into the home, Neal stood up eagerly. Peter immediately looked at him and smiled. “Welcome back,” Neal whispered as he approached Peter. He wrapped his arms around the older man and closed his eyes as he nuzzled his face against Peter’s neck.

Peter chuckled quietly. “Did you miss me?” He wrapped his arms around his lover and held him gently. “I definitely missed you…”

“Of course I missed you.” Elizabeth smiled at their interaction. She watched Peter’s expression because she’d never seen him so happy before. Peter had tortured himself for over four hundred years and Neal was beginning to change him, to make him feel human again. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Had Peter’s heart been beating, he was sure all of his blood would have rushed to his cheeks and given him an immense blush. It’d been so long since someone he cared about very deeply had expressed such a desire to be around him. As he kissed Neal’s cheek, he murmured, “You’re such a sweetheart.”

Neal laughed quietly when Peter nuzzled his face against the side of Neal’s. It’d been a long time since he’d had something like this, but he knew this was real. Peter wasn’t playing with his heart or mind. Peter was genuinely interested in him and wanted to do whatever he could to make Neal smile or laugh. “Get a room.”

“You’d still be able to hear us even if we did,” Neal teased. He grinned when he elicited a quiet laugh from the older man. Elizabeth only rolled her eyes in response, but she couldn’t help smiling as she watched them. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Peter hold someone and look so happy.

Peter pressed gentle kisses against Neal’s neck before giving Elizabeth a look. She giggled quietly before nodding. Peter watched her dart off rather quickly and he sighed quietly as he hugged Neal. “We’re alone now,” he told him. “I want you all to myself right now.”

Neal wasn’t going to say he didn’t want to spend quality time with Peter. He’d waited several hours for Peter to sustain his thirst as best he could. It never seemed like Peter drank enough animal blood, but Neal figured it was because his blood was different in some way. As far as Neal knew, it was just because he was a human and human blood tempted Peter.

“I’m all yours,” Neal whispered as he rubbed Peter’s back.

The two men headed upstairs to Peter’s bedroom and shifted all of the case files off of the bed before sitting on it together. Peter smiled at Neal as he took Neal’s hand in his own and intertwined their fingers. “There was nothing I wanted more than to be right here beside you while I was away.”

As Neal smiled at Peter, he wondered if he could at least convince Peter that it was safe to kiss him. Two months after seeing Peter for what he is, Peter still hadn’t kissed him on the lips. He’d kissed Neal’s forehead, cheeks, hands, neck, chest, and stomach, but he hadn’t once dared to try kissing Neal’s lips. “Well, at least you have something to look forward to when you come back.”

Peter nodded and proceeded to shift so that he could lie on his back while staring up at Neal. “I have something very beautiful to look forward to.” Neal blushed, which made Peter grin. “You’re so cute when you get flustered.”

“I’m not flustered,” Neal said, pretending to pout.

The older man stroked his fingers up and down Neal’s arm slowly while staring into Neal’s eyes. “Perhaps not,” Peter conceded. “You are quite gorgeous.”

“Is that why you like me?”

Much to Neal’s surprise, Peter actually swatted at him playfully. “You know I like you for more than just your beauty.” Neal rested his hand on Peter’s chest and gently rubbed over him. “I love your intelligence. I love your laughter. I love your youth. I love your voice. I love everything about you.” Peter sighed contentedly. “It’s been so long since I felt like a human. You make me feel…normal.” The way Neal laughed and smiled just then made Peter’s eyes widen. Neal didn’t notice, fortunately, but Peter noticed something he hadn’t seen before.

Peter waited until Neal had fallen asleep before looking into his suspicion a little further. Neal was snoring softly beneath the blanket and Peter made sure he carefully slid out of bed. He enjoyed having Neal spend the night with him even though it was still difficult for him.

As Peter pulled out his box of secrets from beneath the bed, he realized that there was one particular reason that he’d fallen in love with _Neal..._

•◊•

Neal was cleaning Peter’s nearly-spotless home while Peter was out to feed and buy groceries. He knew what Neal liked, so Neal didn’t worry when it came to Peter going shopping for him. Peter didn’t do very much in his own home, so Neal knew he was the one making a mess since he was the only one eating food and such.

He grabbed a pair of Peter’s shoes that looked rather old and he smiled a little. It was interesting to see some of Peter’s older belongings. Peter had been alive for more than four centuries, so of course he’d needed to update his sense of style to keep up with the times as they changed.

Peter’s closet had very old suits and tuxedos in it. There were some old-fashioned hats there as well that intrigued Neal. Tentatively, he touched one of the suits that looked well-worn. If he were going to base Peter’s feelings about this suit on the fact that the others looked like they’d only been worn once, maybe twice, then he would assume this particular suit was Peter’s favorite. It’d been repaired repeatedly from the looks of it as well.

Neal turned to tuck Peter’s shoes under the bed. He dropped to his knees and slid the shoes under it until he hit something. Curiously, he shifted the shoes aside and dropped down a little lower to look for whatever it was that he’d shoved the shoes into. He saw some sort of box there and his curiosity was getting the best of him.

Tentatively, Neal dragged the box out from underneath the bed. It wasn’t a very large box and it felt very light. Biting his lip for a moment, Neal wondered if he should respect the fact that this was hidden under the bed for a reason. If Peter had wanted him to see the contents of this box, Peter probably would have left it out in the open for him to see.

As much as Neal wanted to respect Peter’s privacy, he felt as though the box were pleading for him to look inside. He felt compelled to at least take a peek…

So he did.

He lifted the lid and set it aside before glancing into the box itself. There was a divider in the center and Neal immediately focused on the left side. There were so many pictures of himself right there and he found that incredibly bizarre. As he lifted the pictures he found, he could see that Peter had definitely been following his life. Peter had every school picture Neal had ever taken and they were in the exact order in which they’d been taken throughout the years.

There were pictures of Neal with some of his friends over the years and there were pictures of him inside of his apartment after he’d moved out of his mother’s house. His lips parted as he realized Peter had been very close to him for a very long time and he’d never realized it. Normally, Neal would have found this to be very strange and it might’ve made him uncomfortable, but he could see that Peter’s pictures were innocent.

Peter hadn’t taken pictures of him while he’d been undressed nor had he taken any pictures of Neal when Neal had been sexually involved with a few different men. These pictures were just of him. His school pictures must mean a lot to Peter since Peter had actually watched him grow up. Peter captured moments when Neal was happy and he even found a few that Peter had undoubtedly taken while Neal had been reading some of the letters Peter sent him. He looked at a picture of himself sitting on his bed with his back against the wall as he smiled at one of the many letters Peter had written to him.

In a way, he realized that Peter had been lonely for a long time and the fact that he’d become attracted to Neal must have changed him. Peter always seemed rather isolated to him, but Peter had been there for him. Peter watched out for him, protected him.

As he glanced into the box, he could see that there were several other little things that he couldn’t identify at a first glance. He figured they had to do with him though. He set the pictures back into their original spot in the box, but he felt a strange piece of paper. Tentatively, he shifted all of the other pictures and objects aside to find a picture that seemed rather old.

Neal gasped aloud when he looked at the slightly faded image he was holding. The edges of it were a bit frayed, as if they’d been burned. Perhaps it was just due to their old age. After all, the date in the upper left-hand corner was March twenty-first of eighteen-eighty. Not only did Neal find it ironic that this picture was dated March twenty-first, which happened to be his birthday, but he found it incredibly bizarre to be looking at someone who looked _identical_ to himself. Peter looked a little different, but he looked like he were in love with the man who resembled Neal very much.

The two of them were dressed in what appeared to be military outfits, but he didn’t quite understand the context of their positioning or what kind of time they’d been living in.

Neal swallowed hard as he flipped the image over to find such elegant writing on the back of it. It certainly wasn’t Peter’s handwriting, so he felt intrigued.

"I could not bring myself to say goodbye to you forever. I know this is not the end. Please seek out this heart that beats only for you. We will meet again. I promise. All my love, your Felix,” Neal whispered as read the writing.

_Felix._

This man’s name was Felix. It seemed as though Felix had been in love with Peter—and that he implied that Peter had been in love with him as well. Neal couldn’t see any differences between himself and the man in the picture, but he was actually hurt by the idea that Peter probably fell in love with him to rekindle some kind of lost love. He couldn’t compete with a ghost nor did he wish to. The fact that they looked so…similar was rather disturbing.

Neal set the picture down on the floor beside himself and tried to remember that he was invading Peter’s privacy. Not that it would matter if Peter had been lying to him all this time. If Peter had wanted to bring Felix back, Neal knew he couldn’t become whoever Felix was. It also hurt him to consider that Peter’s feelings for him had only developed based on his physical appearance.

As he glanced back into the box, he found newspaper articles that seemed to be filled with information on various deaths. One of the clippings Neal pulled out made his heart twist in agony. He was looking at the face of his ex, of the man who’d tormented him. He hadn’t heard from Vincent in years and he found that rather curious even though he had absolutely no intention of ever running back to him. Neal would rather die than go back to a man who loved abusing him.

If the old photograph of a man who could’ve been Neal’s twin hadn’t disturbed Neal enough, the fact that Peter had clippings that pertained to the deaths of people that Neal had been close to—and hurt by—shook him up. He’d thought about Vincent a lot after managing to break away from him, but he never imagined that Vincent didn’t try to contact him again because he was _dead._

Based on the fact that Peter seemed to treasure these little clippings of death, Neal figured Peter had been the killer. He stared at the mutilated body of Vincent Adler in horror. Despite the fact that he’d been hurt severely by the man, he hadn’t wished death upon him. Although, the article was suggesting that the mutilated body _could_ be Vincent, not that it was him for certain. Vincent had been reported missing and he’d last been seen in the area where the body had been found.

Knowing what Peter was capable of since he’d watched Peter tear apart a man who nearly killed him, Neal didn’t put this past Peter. Perhaps Peter wasn’t looking to recreate his relationship with Felix. After all, Peter did so many things over the years to protect him. If Peter had killed Vincent, he’d done it because he knew about what Vincent had done to Neal. As much as that horrified Neal, he did appreciate how much Peter cared about him and his wellbeing.

God. Neal had so many questions for Peter…

•◊•

Peter came home and was instantly aware of the fact that Neal wasn’t within the confines of his home. He found that alarming at first because he was afraid that Neal was being hunted. He constantly caught the scent of another vampire around Neal’s apartment while he was there, but the scent didn’t linger within the apartment anymore. Neal had figured out how to keep vampires out of his apartment without Peter’s help, but that didn’t mean the vampire couldn’t go after Neal when Neal was outside.

Had Peter not caught Neal’s scent almost immediately, he might have panicked and gone into a defensive mode. The last thing he ever wanted to do was lose Neal. He was relieved to know Neal was still here and still very much alive and human.

He took a few moments, with his rapid speed, to place all of the groceries he’d bought specifically for Neal in their proper places before deciding that he was going to join his lover outside because he’d missed him very much. Being without Neal was even harder on him than being with Neal.

Pulling the sliding door to the side, Peter stepped out onto the patio at the back of the house and found his love standing there with his head bowed and hands on his hips. “Hey, you,” he said softly. He didn’t know why Neal was standing the way he was and he couldn’t think of anything offhand that might’ve upset or hurt Neal in any way. He hadn’t been gone very long and he’d promised Neal that he’d make dinner for Neal as soon as he returned. It didn’t seem like dinner was on Neal’s mind at the moment though. “Are you okay?”

Without turning to look at Peter, Neal whispered, “Who was he?”

Peter’s brows furrowed at the abrupt question he’d received as an answer to his own question. “He? Who are you talking about?”

Neal let out a heavy sigh before saying, “Felix.” Peter’s chest tightened as he heard that name escape Neal’s lips. He’d only recently made the connection between his past and present, but he didn’t understand how Neal had found out about Felix. It wasn’t important that Neal found out, but he knew it was important that Neal understood that he hadn’t fallen in love with Neal for reasons Neal probably assumed he had. He was going to have a lot of explaining to do to clear all of this up or he would risk losing Neal. The last thing he ever wanted to do was compromise his relationship with Neal enough to lose him for good. It’d been a long time since he thought about Felix, but he supposed it was time to bring Felix back. After all, Felix was causing Neal pain. Peter could hear it in his voice when he repeated his question: “Who was he?”


	11. Chapter 11

Peter took a few moments to collect his thoughts before stepping closer to Neal. He could see that Neal didn’t want to be touched by him. He’d figured that out just by observing how tense Neal’s back and shoulders were the closer he came to Neal. “Felix was a man I met in Paris a long time ago,” Peter told him. “He and I had been soldiers, but he was drafted after the Franco-Prussian War, which I fought in.” Neal turned to look at him then. “I met him in eighteen seventy-nine, when he was nineteen years old.”

“Did you love him?”

After a few moments of hesitation, Peter nodded. “I did,” he whispered. He could see how much that hurt Neal, but he wasn’t going to lie to Neal about this. “He was the first mortal who knew about my immortality, but I…couldn’t allow him to give up the life he was living.”

Neal’s brows furrowed as he asked, “Why didn’t you offer to turn him?”

“I did.” Neal’s eyes widened. “The offer remained until I discovered that he was a married man with an infant son.” Peter could remember how painful that moment had been. Felix had lied to him for a year and still refused to come clean about it until Peter found a letter from Felix’s wife. “I loved him for a very long time even though he hadn’t been honest with me. Felix was a good man and we had good times together. He even tried to convince me that we could abandon our posts and run away together.” Neal frowned and looked down at the ground as he listened to Peter talk about his past lover. “He was willing to give up his marriage and child to be with me, but I couldn’t let him do that, so I…faked my death.” Neal’s head jerked up at the mention of that. If Peter did that to Felix, he had the potential of doing that to Neal as well. “He went on with his life after my ‘death,’ but he wasn’t the same afterwards.”

“Did you stay close to him like you were close to me?”

Peter nodded. “I loved Felix very much and I would have done anything for him, but I couldn’t let him throw away his life for me.” There was a brief pause and Neal could see the agony in Peter’s expression as he whispered, “Felix lasted five years.”

Wondering what he meant by that, Neal asked, “What do you mean he lasted five years?”

“He committed suicide.” Neal’s heart broke for Peter. “I have a memorial card from his funeral in the box you seem to have discovered if you’d ever like to read it.” Meeting Neal’s eyes, Peter whispered, “After all, he was your great grandfather.” Neal’s eyes widened. Well, that made sense. It explained why Neal looked so much like Felix. “Felix Turner had a son named Luc Turner, who went on to marry a lovely woman, Vivienne Caffrey.” Neal recognized the names immediately. “Luc had a daughter. His daughter is your mother.” Neal wondered why his mother had never mentioned her own grandfather to him. He’d never known about Felix. “Luc and Vivienne divorced three years after your mother was born, which is why your mother took on her mother’s maiden name—Caffrey. I don’t know your situation with your own father, but I would assume your surname is Caffrey because of your mother and grandmother.”

Neal could see how difficult this was for Peter and he regretted making this so hard on him. He had one more question about this particular topic though. “Did you fall in love with me because of Felix?”

Peter shook his head. “I didn’t make the connection between you and Felix until recently. You have a different scent and yours is much more potent than his ever was.” He sighed for a moment before giving Neal a sad smile. “In a way, I think my love for him and my attraction to his scent was preparing me for you.” Neal wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. “I meant it when I said I’ve never felt the way I feel with and about you.” Stepping closer to Neal, he took Neal’s hands in both of his hand held them up between their chests while staring into Neal’s eyes. “I don’t love you because I loved Felix. I loved Felix because I was going to fall in love with someone in his bloodline. You are the reason I was attracted to Felix. My mate would be part of his bloodline.”

“How could you possibly know that someone in his line would be your mate? I came three generations later.”

“I don’t quite understand that myself,” Peter admitted. “All I know is that I love you and I haven’t thought about Felix in over a century, until now.” Neal nodded silently as he glanced away from Peter. Gently, Peter squeezed Neal’s hands and told him, “I don’t see Felix when I look at you. I see my mate, my Neal, when I look at you.”

“I look just like him though…”

Nodding, Peter said, “I can’t explain why you two share such an astonishing resemblance to each other aside from the fact that you’re his great grandson.” He lifted Neal’s hands a little more and kissed his fingertips. “I don’t love you because of him. You’ve always been my Neal. Until I watched you smile a certain way, I didn’t see the resemblance to Felix.” Neal nodded, but he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to believe Peter. Of course he _wanted_ to believe him, but he still felt like Felix was the reason Peter had become interested in him in the first place. “I haven’t made comparisons between you and Felix, Neal. The two of you are completely different men, but I’m glad I was able to meet both of you.” Neal looked at the other man sadly. This was very hard for him. What if Peter ever called him Felix? He wondered how angry and jealous he’d act if Peter ever referred to him as Felix. That would be as bad as calling out the wrong name in bed, which Neal was guilty of. Nonetheless, Neal didn’t know if he wanted to stand in Felix’s shadow. “What are you thinking?” Peter asked curiously, tilting his head to the side a bit.

Neal shook his head, but Peter kissed his fingertips again in the hopes of encouraging him to open up. “I don’t know,” Neal whispered. “My great grandfather was your lover once and here I am now.”

Peter gave him a sympathetic smile. “He and I never had the bond you and I have. Neal, I have never shared my venom with another man before I shared it with you.” Neal’s eyes widened a little and Peter nodded silently in response. “I gave my venom to you not only to save your life, but to…indicate that you are mine.” He loathed how possessive he sounded, but he knew it was his way of staking his claim on Neal. His venom had been in Neal’s veins and had healed Neal’s wounds. “I also gave myself over to you.”

“I know you’re going to get upset…” Peter’s brows furrowed. “Elizabeth and I talked about blood and venom—between mates.” Peter was clearly trying to mask his irritation. Neal knew Peter had warned her about opening up to him. Peter wanted to be the one to give Neal answers and explain things as their relationship progressed. He didn’t want to suggest things in advance because he didn’t know how deep Neal wanted to immerse himself in their relationship. “You’ve shared your venom with me, but you refuse to let me share my blood with you.”

Silence ensued for several, very long moments before Peter sighed. “Your blood has always tempted me and I don’t think that temptation will ever go away. My biggest fear when it comes to this particular subject is that I’ll go too far and end up hurting you—or worse.” Peter released Neal’s hands and framed the sides of Neal’s face instead, caressing his soft, warm skin. “You’re so precious to me. I’m afraid that I will lose control and I don’t want to live in a world where you don’t exist ever again.”

Gripping Peter’s hips gently, Neal said, “I trust you. I wish you would trust yourself.” Again, Peter sighed. Instead of allowing Peter to continue down this path of self-loathing, Neal interjected with, “You’ve been exposed to my blood already and I’m still alive.”

“I’ll…think about this,” Peter said. He would do anything and everything for Neal, but, as he told Elizabeth before, the only thing he’s ever been afraid of is Neal. He didn’t want to hurt Neal or lose him, but he wasn’t so sure that he could go through with drinking Neal’s blood without killing him. “I’m not saying it’s out of the question or that I would one hundred percent prefer to not consider this, but I think you and I need to bond in other ways before we get into risky things, such as this.”

Neal nodded. If Peter at least gave it some thought, he figured that was good enough for him. For now, at least…

•◊•

The two men were sitting in the grass in the backyard, gazing up at the stars together. Peter glanced at Neal and noticed that he seemed to be lost in thought. He wondered if thoughts of Felix were plaguing the young man’s mind, but his heart indicated that that may not be the case. Neal was anxious and Peter didn’t know why. “Do you remember your parents?” Peter’s brows furrowed in confusion at how abrupt and random Neal’s question was. “Sometimes, I look at the stars and wonder if my parents are looking at those same stars. I wonder if they miss me.”

“Why did you leave your mother’s home at eighteen?”

Neal raised an eyebrow. “I thought you knew everything about my life.” Peter grimaced when Neal looked at him. “I think I told you that my dad died a hero when you saved my life.” Peter remembered that. “My mother lied to me. As it turns out, my father was a dirty cop—and he’s not dead.” Peter’s lips parted. He could hear the anger in Neal’s voice, as well as resentment. “I’m almost twenty-five years old and I have no memories of my father aside from the pretty picture of lies my mother painted for me.” Neal closed his eyes and Peter believed he could almost feel Neal’s pain. “My father hasn’t been in my life in nearly twenty-two years and I don’t think he’s tried to contact me since. The stars constantly remind me that he’s out there and that he doesn’t care enough to track his own son down.”

Peter nodded slowly before whispering, “My mother died in childbirth.” Neal looked at him immediately, gasping quietly. “In a way, I was born a killer.”

“Don’t say things like—”

“It’s true,” Peter insisted. “Granted, maternal mortality wasn’t at its best when I was born, but… Nonetheless, there were safe deliveries and then there were deliveries like mine. My mother knew she was going to have complications and she insisted that the doctors do what they could to save me.” Tentatively, Neal’s fingers curled around Peter’s left fingers. “I don’t think my father ever forgave me for being born. He lost his wife and was unable to have more children after me for fear that he might remarry and lose another wife.” Peter laughed sadly as he said, “My father believed I was cursed. He tried to drown me when I was young. To be honest, I don’t entirely know how I survived all of his attempts at homicide.”

Neal didn’t know what to say at first. He couldn’t imagine how Peter felt and he resented himself for making this a pity party for himself when Peter’s own childhood had been…awful, to say the least. “You’re not a killer,” Neal whispered. Peter shook his head and sighed. It was obvious that he didn’t agree with Neal, but Neal had every intention of making Peter see things from his point of view someday. Leaning towards Peter, Neal gently kissed Peter’s jaw. “I love you. You’re a lover, not a killer.” He was honestly trying to make Peter feel better, despite knowing that Peter had killed far too many people for his liking.

“You’re naïve,” Peter said with a sigh. “I’ve lived so much longer than you have and the lives I’ve taken are much greater than your own age.” Neal swallowed hard. When Peter heard his reaction, he nodded. “That’s exactly how you should react.” He gently squeezed Neal’s fingers, attempting to calm the heart he could hear pounding in Neal’s chest. “I killed a lot of people without intending to, but I’ve taken more lives that deserved to end abruptly.”

Neal decided to take that particular comment and use it as a lead-up to his next train of thought. “Speaking of which…” Neal began, trailing off as he bit his lip. He could see Peter cringe because Peter knew where this was going. He’d been waiting for Neal to ask him the question he was about to ask. “Peter, did you kill Vincent?” Peter chose not to answer, but that was answer enough for Neal. As much as Neal loathed Vincent for everything Vincent had done to him, he hadn’t wished death upon him. He’d never wished anything horrible upon anyone who did him wrong. He’d wanted justice that he never personally sought out. It seemed like Peter was the personification of justice in this case…

Before Neal had the opportunity to continue, Peter said, “I killed him because I heard him tell a coworker about what he was planning on doing to you. You’d been broken up for about a week and he was plotting to get you back so he could…could…” Neal nodded, understanding what Peter didn’t feel comfortable saying. “I’ve loved you for more than a decade and I couldn’t allow a monster like him to torment someone as innocent as you.” Peter met Neal’s gaze and he could see that Neal didn’t hold any of this against him. In all honesty, it seemed like Neal was trying to understand why Peter did the things he’s done. “I’ve gone after people who have hurt you severely. I couldn’t allow you to live in a world where it was necessary for you to constantly watch your back. Vincent and Keller were among the first to go, but—”

Eyes widening, Neal exclaimed, “You killed Keller?”

Peter’s brows furrowed at the unexpected outburst from his lover. “I did. Considering he indulged Vincent’s interest in harming you, I couldn’t allow him to live either. He even gave Vincent ideas.” Neal gaped at Peter in horror. “Neal, what’s wrong?”

“Keller isn’t dead,” Neal whispered.

It took Peter a few moments to understand what Neal was implying. “He’s the vampire. He’s the vampire you’ve been—”

“—I stopped sleeping with him!” Neal assured Peter. Peter stared at Neal in silence after that. All of these unexpected moments were actually beginning to bother Peter. First, he’d had no choice but to reveal his true nature to Neal because Neal may have died otherwise. Second, Neal found out about Felix. And now Peter discovered that he’d made a mistake when he’d tried to kill Keller. He didn’t quite understand how that happened, but he did know that it was necessary to track him down and end him before he had the opportunity to harm Neal. He couldn’t allow Neal to witness Keller’s death because killing a vampire was an extremely brutal, agonizing process that included severing various appendages from the body and setting them ablaze. Neal watched him tear a human apart. Tearing a vampire apart was a bit of a challenge, but Peter was willing to accept that challenge if it saved Neal’s life in the long run.

“He _bit_ you and _tasted_ you,” Peter hissed. He released Neal’s hand and pushed himself up. “He… He was _intimate_ with you.”

Neal stared up at Peter. He was a little terrified by the anger he could hear in his lover’s voice, but he knew that Peter wouldn’t harm him. “It meant nothing,” Neal said quietly. He hoped that made Peter feel a little better. Naturally, that wasn’t the case.

Scoffing, Peter snarled, “It meant nothing. He only made love to the fragile creature I’ve loved for so long and—” Peter abruptly cut himself off. He even turned away from Neal completely, putting a few steps between them. Neal was still sitting in the grass, but he could see Peter’s fingers flexing angrily. “It may have meant nothing to you—or to him, but you are everything to me. He could have taken everything from me in a split second.”

Neal tentatively pushed himself up and moved to stand behind Peter. Resting his hand on Peter’s back, he whispered, “He means nothing to me. I hope you know how much you mean to me, Peter.” He kissed the back of Peter’s shoulder before sliding his arms around Peter’s torso, pressing his front against Peter’s back. “I want to be with you and experience an intimacy I’ve never had before.” Peter’s hands rested over Neal’s and Neal knew he was getting through to Peter. “I want to become a vampire like you and spend eternity with you, but I want to give my blood to you.” He closed his eyes as he rested his head against Peter’s and breathed in Peter’s manly scent. “You’ve given your venom to me. Let me complete our bond by giving my blood to you.”

“I could kill you,” Peter whispered solemnly.

Peter ended up turning around in Neal’s arms. Neal had to lift his head up a bit and ended up staring into Peter’s eyes. He could see the hunger in his lover’s chocolaty eyes. “It doesn’t have to be right now,” Neal told him. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be less tempting to you, but I’m willing to wait until you’re more comfortable with my fragility.”

After a few moments of silence, Neal watched Peter smile at him softly. “You’re just like Felix,” he whispered. Neal wondered if Peter knew that he didn’t necessarily want to be like Felix… “But there’s one difference between you and him.”

Even though he was afraid to ask, he did. “What would that be?”

Peter kissed Neal’s forehead and loved the fact that Neal’s eyes had closed and remained closed even as he pulled away to look at Neal’s face. He waited until Neal opened his eyes again before saying exactly what Neal needed to hear to spark some hope in his heart, “I need time, but it’s impossible to say no to you forever.”


	12. Chapter 12

Peter watched his mate during the workday and he'd noticed how upset Neal had been. He didn't quite understand why Neal was so upset, but he figured it had to do with the fact that he was going to spend the entirety of the weekend hunting since Neal's blood became increasingly tempting to him. He'd nearly killed Neal while Neal was sleeping the other night. They'd stayed at Neal's apartment and it'd gotten a bit too dry. Neal's nose began to bleed and Peter struggled. It was hell getting Neal to feel comfortable enough to go back to sleep when the bleeding finally stopped.

They hadn't made plans together since Peter planned on being away, but Peter was having second thoughts. He didn't want to leave the man he loved, but he couldn't not go. Now that Peter gave this a little more consideration, he felt like he may be able to bring Neal at least relatively close to his hunting grounds. There was a cabin nearby that Neal could probably use for the duration. He wouldn't have to witness Peter slaughtering innocent animals for sustenance either. This cabin was very secluded and there were rarely any humans milling around. Plus, this could also distract Neal from the fact that his life may be in danger. He wouldn’t be on ‘house arrest’ while Peter was away if Peter took him along.

Besides, tomorrow was going to mark the sixth month that they’d been together. Perhaps he could make it somewhat special for Neal. He felt that Neal deserved to be treated like a king, to be given everything he desired. What Neal wanted more than anything was someone to genuinely love him for everything he is. Peter remembered reading a note Neal left for him. Neal hadn’t had any idea as to where he could send letters to Peter in return, but he’d left a note where Peter tended to leave letters.

Closing his eyes, he could almost hear Neal’s voice as he remembered what Neal had written to him: _I don’t know how to get in touch with you, so I’m hoping you’ll find this here. I hope you realize just how much you’ve influenced my life. I’ve never felt so loved in my whole life. All I want in life is for someone to treat me like a real lover. I didn’t know how that felt until you came into my life—metaphorically. Thank you for everything. I love you._

A phone somewhere in the office began to vibrate then. Peter’s eyes opened quickly when he pinpointed the sound to Neal’s desk—to Neal’s phone. He watched Neal pick up the phone and glance at the caller I.D. before his expression was flooded with distress. Neal glanced up at Peter and Peter knew then that Keller was trying to contact Neal. With a single nod at Neal, Neal took that as permission to come into Peter’s office.

Neal quickly stood and headed towards the relatively small stairway that would lead him to Peter’s office. As soon as he was in his boyfriend’s office, Peter shut the door and said, “Don’t answer it.”

“What am I supposed to do? This isn’t a home or anything like that. He could easily walk in here and kill me.”

“I haven’t exactly explained the concept of compulsion to you yet…” Neal’s brows furrowed. “Vampires possess the ability to twist the mortal mind. We only need to speak a certain way and the mortal will do whatever we please.” Neal’s lips parted. Whatever made him react like that evidently made him realize Keller had compelled him in the past. “I figured he may have compelled you before. He could do it again over the phone.”

The phone stopped vibrating then and Neal sighed quietly. “Peter, how often can a vampire compel a human?”

Hesitating for a moment, Peter admitted, “As often as they please.”

“Have you ever compelled me?”

Peter wanted to immediate shake his head, but he couldn’t. He’d never compelled Neal intentionally nor had he asked for anything so detrimental to Neal’s life. “I’ve accidentally compelled you very briefly in the past by speaking to you rather harshly, but I have never asked you to do anything that would bring harm to you, Neal.”

Neal supposed he could accept that. Peter hadn’t compelled him to sleep with him or allow him to drink his blood. One thing Neal loved most about Peter was that Peter was honest with him. He was honest about the last man he’d loved prior to Neal and he was honest when asked a question that may hurt their relationship. That was something Neal respected a great deal since he was used to being conned by lovers. “I’m going to block Keller’s number,” Neal told him. He hadn’t gotten any calls or texts from Keller in the past few months, but he didn’t want to feel like he needed to answer the man. “I will take the precautions we discussed before as well. I will keep my apartment door locked, I made sure I had enough groceries to provide for myself for the weekend, and I won’t go outside until you arrive at my apartment to let me know that you’re home.”

There was a brief pause before Peter gave Neal an odd look. Neal’s brows furrowed as he stared at his boyfriend and tried to determine what it was that Peter was thinking about. “What if I were to tell you that you can come with me?” Neal’s lips parted at the unexpected question. “I can easily get permission to take you beyond your radius and the fact that you’ll be close to me will also help.”

“Like I would ever run,” Neal scoffed. “I’m happy here. I’m happy with you.”

Peter stepped a little closer to Neal and lifted his right hand. He barely managed to stop himself from stroking along Neal’s jaw line and he could feel the disappointment emanating from Neal when his hand rested on Neal’s shoulder instead. He would have loved more than anything to express just how beautiful he finds Neal, but this wasn’t the proper place to do so. “I trust that you won’t run off,” Peter said softly. He grinned at his lover and added, “You wouldn’t be able to outrun me even if you did. Your scent is far too potent.”

Neal chuckled quietly. “I always considered you a bloodhound while you were chasing me.” He gave Peter a shy smile as he added, “I didn’t imagine how correct I was.”

“Well, I hadn’t exactly picked up your scent while I was chasing you. I had moments when I would vaguely catch your scent, but it was often masked by that of other people.” He rubbed his thumb over Neal’s shoulder gently, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I have always tried to stay close to you, but I’ve never been as close to you as I have been since you began working alongside me.” Peter leaned in a little closer and Neal’s eyes closed as Peter pressed a kiss against his neck, right on the pulse. “I can recognize your scent without even trying now.” Neal was only slightly aware of the fact that Peter was risking a great deal in that very moment. He figured Peter could get himself out of any situation involving petty threats from a mortal, but he’d prefer it if Peter weren’t threatened to begin with. “I can also recognize your worries.” Neal opened his eyes to see Peter gazing at him concernedly. “What’s troubling you?”

“This isn’t exactly the right place to be kissing any part of me…” Neal said, sounding like he regretted saying it to begin with. He appreciated Peter’s gentle touches and the occasional kiss on his body. He’d really appreciate it if Peter were to kiss him on the lips, but he wasn’t going to push Peter. Evidently, Peter was only doing what he was comfortable with and what he felt would please Neal.

Peter nodded. He didn’t seem very upset with the fact that Neal was implying that Peter should refrain from kissing him. “You’re right,” Peter admitted. “Even if I’m so much stronger than humans, we still need to be somewhat careful.”

Neal sighed heavily, earning another concerned glance from the other man. “Peter, you’re as human as I am.” He could see the irritation in Peter’s eyes immediately. Peter didn’t agree with Neal and this was a relatively old argument between them now. “You’re stronger and have certain abilities that I don’t have, but you’re a man just as much as I am. You have human feelings for me, human thoughts about me, and—”

“Have you been talking to Elizabeth again?”

Raising an eyebrow, Neal said, “No.”

Laughing quietly, Peter shook his head. “She’s said the same things before is all.” Neal looked a little intrigued by that. “She’s known for a long time that I feel very strongly for you. Even though I kept trying to tell myself that I could never be with you, she was there to encourage me to at least try to start something with you.”

Before Neal had the opportunity to reply, Peter became very professional and glanced beyond Neal just as the door opened. Neal turned around to look at Diana Berrigan as she told them, “Matthew Keller left a note for you.”

Peter didn’t hesitate to step around Neal and take the note from her. Neal kept his eyes on Peter, watching how his shoulders and back tensed as well as when he clenched his jaw. Neal didn’t know what the note said, but it clearly angered Peter a great deal. When Peter looked at him, Neal could see just how determined Peter was to keep him safe and alive.

•◊•

Neal dropped his bags as soon as he was inside of the cabin. He glanced around in awe with Peter watching him. The cabin was small and very simple, but it was the art that Peter purposely decorated with that took Neal’s breath away. This cabin had become a storage place for Neal’s favorite artworks, including Raphael’s _Saint George and the Dragon_ and Van Gogh’s _Starry Night._ Peter had obtained the _real_ paintings rather than reproductions. Neal could appreciate their authenticity and Peter would appreciate Neal’s joy upon inspecting the art closer. Considering Neal is a forger himself, he would immediately know the difference between a reproduction and the original.

“Peter…” Neal whispered as he turned to look at his boyfriend. Not only did Peter select Neal’s favorite artworks and make sure they were protected within this cabin, but he’d had a fireplace inserted as well. Neal is a romantic and Peter hoped Neal would be interested in sitting by the fire with him at some point. “How?”

“I took an interest in art a long time ago.” Neal gave him a soft smile in response. “Felix introduced me to art he enjoyed, which evidently is something hereditary since you have the same tastes.” Peter watched Neal’s smile falter for a moment. “I didn’t acquire them for Felix. I followed the line of owners who had them before me though. By the time you came into the picture and I discovered your love for the same artworks, I…vigorously went out of my way to obtain them.”

That intrigued Neal, but he felt compelled to ask, “Did you kill anyone in the process?”

Peter shook his head. “No lives were endangered or lost while I was working to collect these pieces for you. Money is not an issue for me, but that was the only casualty in the exchange.” He glanced up at the Raphael and said, “I think of you when I come in here. I see these paintings and think of you.”

That meant a great deal to the young man. Peter paid attention to him and remembered details like this—details that Neal honestly believed wouldn’t be of that much importance. Evidently, everything was rather important to Peter when it came to Neal. “I don’t know what to say.”

The older man shook his head and said, “You don’t have to say anything.” He lifted his right hand and caressed the left side of Neal’s face while smiling sweetly at him. “The look on your face is much more meaningful than words.” He rubbed his thumb over the corner of Neal’s mouth and sighed contentedly as Neal smiled back at him. “You have such a beautiful smile that I would give anything to see… I always want to give you reason to smile at me like you are right now.”

“Your existence is all I need,” Neal whispered.

Silence ensued then and the two men could only stare into each other’s eyes. Their feelings for one another was very clear. In addition to Neal’s eyes, Peter could also hear Neal’s heart racing. It only sounded so excited when he looked at Peter, which was something that Peter treasured. Knowing that Neal’s heartbeat changed upon seeing him made him aware of Neal’s attraction to him on a deeper level.

Tentatively, Peter slid his arms around Neal’s slender waist and he gently tugged him closer. Neal was very willing to be so close to the other man, but it was obvious that Peter was still a bit nervous.

Neal startled when he realized Peter’s fangs were emerging. “Shit,” Peter whispered as he put some distance between them. He gave Neal an apologetic look, but Neal completely understood by this point.

“Go feed,” he insisted. “I’ll be safe here.” Peter didn’t feel like leaving Neal by himself just then even though Neal knew to stay away from the doors and windows. As long as he did that, Keller wouldn’t be able to compel Neal to allow him entrance into the cabin—or compel Neal to come out of it. Keller was fully aware of the fact that Peter was keeping an eye on Neal at all times. Even when Neal was in his apartment alone in the middle of the night, Peter knew Keller caught his scent and that sent Keller away immediately.

“I’ll be back soon,” Peter promised.

Neal gave him a half smile before saying, “Take your time. I’ll understand if it takes you a little while to come back.” He rested his hand on Peter’s chest and rubbed over him slowly. “We have the whole weekend to spend here and I’m sure there will be more weekends to come.” Peter wouldn’t mind that. He was slightly concerned that he’d feel like drinking Neal’s blood when he became hungry for an animal’s blood, but he knew he would regret it for the rest of his life if he ever took Neal’s life.

Peter nodded and kissed Neal’s forehead before whispering, “Thank you.”

The younger man wasn’t looking for gratitude. He just figured Peter needed a lover who understood his needs and such. When it came to being in love with a vampire, Neal knew he needed to put Peter’s thirst before all else. He couldn’t be selfish and keep Peter from feeding. If he had to encourage Peter to take his time and feed properly, then he’d do that. Despite the fact that Peter likes to tell himself that he’s a monster, Neal knew Peter was human. Humans needed sustenance just as much as a vampire. Vampires just needed to feed a little more often to prevent an unnecessary and accidental attack.

Being so close to Peter, Neal knew he’d be the first person Peter could potentially attack and kill. Also, knowing that he was starving Keller because Keller only wanted him, he knew what a vampire was capable of when they were thirsty. Peter tried to hide articles about brutal attacks and fatalities across New York, but Neal knew he was responsible. He knew he’d made Keller go out of his way to harm and take innocent lives simply because he didn’t want Keller feeding off of him. Whether or not he fed off of his victims, Neal didn’t know. He just knew that Keller was extremely violent and kept trying to get back to him.

“Get going,” Neal said playfully as he gently smacked Peter’s chest. Peter smirked at him before kissing his forehead once more. Within a matter of milliseconds, Peter was gone and Neal was left with this feeling of excitement and anticipation. Peter kept kissing his body innocently, but the one part that Neal desperately wanted Peter to kiss was his mouth. He wanted to feel Peter’s lips against his own for the first time, yet Peter didn’t seem inclined to give him that just yet.

It seemed like Peter may have been interested in doing so, but his fangs got in the way and Neal knew he needed to put Peter’s needs before his own. Taking care of Peter’s thirst was more important to him than a kiss.

Even though Neal didn’t feel the need to rush through their relationship, he wanted Peter’s kiss. He felt warm whenever he recalled feeling Peter’s lips on his body. Wherever Peter’s lips traveled, they left flames in their wake. Neal could only imagine that Peter’s lips against his own would shoot off thousands of fireworks. Simple kisses against his forehead and neck excited him, but he was truly looking forward to a kiss he could reciprocate simultaneously.

Glancing around the small cabin, Neal noticed that there was only one small section that resembled a bedroom—with a single bed. He enjoyed falling asleep in Peter’s arms, so he’d been hoping there was only one bed in the cabin. Fortunately, that was the case.

Neal was determined to at least attempt to coax a kiss out of Peter before the weekend was over. If not this weekend, then he was determined to make it happen soon. He could see that Peter wanted that as well, but Peter fought himself very hard and refrained from making too much contact with Neal’s body if he could help it. Occasional kisses were different. Neal was looking for the kind of kiss that he could receive daily, that he could receive before going to bed at night and after waking up each morning.

Being in love with a vampire was relatively challenging because it was so difficult to quench Peter’s thirst, but Neal wouldn’t change a single thing. He doesn’t regret being with Peter—nor would he ever regret that.

While Peter was hunting, Neal decided to do some hunting of his own. As he stepped closer to the artworks Peter had gotten for him, he hunted for the littlest of details and discovered that Peter truly had gone out of his way to make sure he had the original paintings.

As Neal glanced around at the variety of paintings Peter had around the cabin, he decided that he was going to return the sweet gesture with a painting of his own in the near future. For once, he didn’t plan on making a forgery. Peter was worth an original Neal Caffrey painting and Neal was going to make sure Peter received one as soon as possible.


	13. Chapter 13

Neal allowed himself to get caught up in a book while Peter was out and hunting to satiate his thirst as long as he could manage so he and Neal could spend quality time together. It was Saturday evening and Neal honestly couldn’t wait for Peter to return to him. Being in the nearby cabin did make Neal feel better and he did appreciate the fact that Peter was beginning to trust himself enough to bring Neal close to his hunting grounds, but part of him began to wish that he could be out there—hunting alongside Peter. Perhaps Peter’s hunting grounds would become _their_ hunting grounds someday.

That had been on Neal’s mind quite a bit lately and tended to be the theme of his dreams, especially the previous night after Peter brought him here to begin with. He’d seen Peter attack and kill a human being and he’d seen Peter’s bloody fangs in the aftermath, so it wasn’t all that difficult to imagine himself similarly. In all honesty, he was hoping that Peter might consider turning him relatively soon so they could begin their eternal life together. It wouldn’t take a whole lot of effort for Peter to help him start a new life considering Peter had faked his own death before. It may be even simpler to help Neal fake his death.

That would also end this issue regarding Keller…

The door flew open suddenly, startling Neal immediately. He clutched his book tightly in his fingers and held his breath as he hoped to God that Keller wasn’t waiting for him out there. “Neal?” His name was said in such a frantic manner, but it relieved him nonetheless to hear the voice that’d spoken his name in the first place. In a matter of moments, Neal was joined in the bedroom by the owner of that voice.

Brows furrowed, Neal began to ask, “Is everything all—?”

Peter rushed across the room with his vampire speed, something Neal was slowly becoming accustomed to the more time he spent with Peter, and Peter embraced him as tightly as he could manage without crushing Neal to death. “He masked your scent with his own,” Peter whispered, sounding breathless. Neal’s eyes widened as he returned Peter’s embrace with equal tightness. He could only imagine how terrified Peter was by the thought of losing him. “I was so afraid that he’d managed to compel you…”

Neal wished Peter were human because he wondered if Peter’s heart would be pounding against him considering how frightened Peter’s voice sounded alone. Despite the fact that Peter was immortal, he was still a man and he still possessed feelings. Neal knew he should acknowledge Peter’s fears and feelings regardless and he planned on doing so. Tentatively, Neal pressed a gentle kiss against Peter’s neck and began to rub his hand up and down Peter’s back slowly while murmuring, “Everything is okay. I’m safe and I’m sorry that he made you think otherwise.”

Just to reinforce what Peter had said about Neal’s scent being hidden, Peter inhaled deeply against Neal’s skin. Neal shivered against Peter, but it was a welcome reaction. He liked how attracted Peter was to him and how Peter enjoyed his scent. He didn’t quite understand just how sensitive Peter’s senses were, but he appreciated them nonetheless. “All I want is for you to be safe, my love…”

After Neal managed to calm Peter, he ended up following Peter into the kitchenette of their cabin to watch Peter cook for him—as Peter promised. However, he smiled softly as he focused more so on Peter’s face than anything else. Peter was so intent on keeping him fed, safe, and alive. That meant a lot to Neal and he fully trusted Peter, too. He didn’t believe for a second that Peter would ever intentionally do anything to harm him. By this point, he was fully aware of just how much Peter treasures him.

“How did things go while you were hunting?” Neal asked out of genuine curiosity.

Peter glanced over at him. He seemed to know exactly why Neal was questioning him about hunting. Even though Neal hadn’t verbally expressed his interest to become a vampire and live at Peter’s side eternally, Peter could almost feel Neal’s desire for that life without fully understanding what the consequences of becoming immortal would be. “Fairly well,” Peter said quietly. “A couple was hiking along the trail a little ways away from here. The woman injured herself and the scent of her blood nearly consumed me.”

After saying that, Peter could hear how fearfully Neal’s heart began to beat. “You didn’t attack them?”

“No,” Peter admitted. He focused on Neal’s eyes and could see that Neal was trying to hide his fear. “I thought of you and the urge to kill them both just…vanished.” Neal’s brows furrowed as he wondered why that was. “I thought about how afraid you were when you were bleeding out and I never want an innocent mortal to look at me fearfully ever again.” He turned rather quickly and caressed the left side of Neal’s face. “Your blood will always be so much more tempting than any other mortal’s blood, but I don’t wish to harm anyone else either.”

Neal nodded. “It may not entirely matter, but I’m proud of you.”

Peter smiled at him so genuinely that Neal could feel appreciation and joy emanating from Peter’s very being. “That does matter to me.” He stroked his thumb over Neal’s cheekbone and whispered, “Your opinion of me matters significantly. I wish to please you in any way that I can, my love.”

“You’re controlling yourself and your thirst,” Neal said in response. “That isn’t a matter of pleasing me, Peter. That’s a matter of learning that you’re not the monster you believe yourself to be.” Peter’s thumb paused on Neal’s skin and Neal watched as his words sank into Peter’s very soul. “You are in control of yourself. That is what I’m proud of.” He rested his hands on Peter’s chest lovingly before whispering, “I’m not asking you to please me with your every word and action. All I want is for you to feel human with me.”

Chuckling half-heartedly, Peter responded, “I suppose your humanity is beginning to influence the animal inside of me.”

Neal sighed and Peter immediately returned to stroking Neal’s cheek. “You’re neither an animal nor a monster. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

Curiously, Peter asked, “May I inquire as to how you see me?”

The younger man nodded immediately. “I see a man with a heart of gold, a man who is intent on protecting his loved ones and ensuring that they know they’re loved by him. I see a man who wishes to protect the lives of innocent mortals around him and take revenge upon anyone who tries to harm an innocent being.” He slid his hands up to Peter’s shoulders and whispered, “I see a man. I see a wonderful man right in front of me.”

Both men stared at each other silently for a few moments before Peter gripped Neal’s hips and lifted him up onto the countertop. Neal let out a quiet sound as Peter began to kiss his throat passionately. This was something Neal hadn’t been expecting from Peter, but he wasn’t about to complain.

Peter held Neal’s hips very gently considering he could lose control in a split second and crush Neal’s bones. Even though Neal knew what Peter was capable of, he didn’t fear the other man. Peter’s lips caressed his skin and Peter’s fingers made him feel safe and secure.

After a few moments, Neal lifted his hands to frame Peter’s face. He attempted to guide Peter’s lips towards his own and, unfortunately, that was when Peter’s efforts ceased. “I wish to make our first kiss special,” Peter whispered to him as he slowly pulled away. He stared at Neal’s face and couldn’t help smiling softly. Neal’s eyes were closed and his lips were parted as though he were in heaven. “I don’t want our very first kiss to feel like any of the previous kisses you’ve experienced with other men.” Neal supposed he could accept that. Peter was going to make their first kiss memorable. He was sure of it. “There is something I have to do before we can have our first kiss, however.”

Neal raised his right eyebrow. “Oh?”

Gently, Peter lifted Neal off of the countertop by his hips and set him down on his feet. “Yes,” he whispered as he placed a gentle kiss upon Neal’s cheek. “Something rather important that I have delayed far too long…”

•◊•

Neal was holding onto Peter’s hand as he allowed Peter to lead him along. Peter had blindfolded him, but promised him that he wouldn’t allow anything to happen to Neal. “So I let you carry me for, what, five miles and now we’re walking another five?”

Chuckling, the older man murmured, “I did carry you five miles, but I wanted to walk alongside you for the remainder of this journey, which isn’t much longer.” He squeezed Neal’s hand and added, “I think you’ll like this.”

Moments after saying that, Neal could hear the sound of waves crashing against the land. He wasn’t about to ask any questions though. Obviously Peter was trying to make this a special moment for them, so he decided just to go along with it. Everything would be revealed very soon as it was.

Peter led him along a little further until the sounds of the waves were a little closer. Neal was beginning to smile and the other man noticed that immediately. When Peter finally stopped, Neal felt Peter gently release his hand and move rather quickly to stand behind him, wrapping his arms around Neal’s waist. “Ah. Is this a sensory test?” Neal teased.

The older man laughed and said, “No, my love.” Neal smiled a little wider when Peter pressed a kiss against his shoulder. Peter lifted his hands and caressed Neal’s hair for a moment before finally beginning to remove the blindfold over his lover’s eyes.

Once the blindfold was removed, Neal was able to see a very beautiful, bright orange sunset ahead of him. Peter brought him to a beach and Neal knew this was something he’d mentioned rather vaguely once. “I wanted to watch the sunset with someone I love,” Neal whispered in awe. He figured Peter could remember every little detail he ever mentioned. Evidently, Peter cared a great deal about everything Neal had ever said to him. Turning, he looked up at the other man and was pleased to see that Peter was smiling softly at him.

Neither of them had felt the need to constantly reassure each other that they loved each other, but they both felt it even without the spoken words. Of course they both wanted to say those three words as much as possible, but perhaps the time for that wasn’t at this very moment since it wasn’t necessary. Despite the fact that Peter knows how much Neal loves him Neal had the feeling that he should wait a little longer before admitting just how deeply he feels about Peter. They’d been together for a while, but that didn’t mean they needed to rush into anything. Although, he was honestly looking forward to a very, very long future with Peter. That alone wasn’t rushing.

In a matter of moments, Neal and Peter were relaxing in the sand together, sitting side by side. Neal was watching the sunset, but Peter was focused entirely on Neal. He’d seen a great deal of sunsets in his time, but watching Neal enjoy one was much more appealing.

When Neal glanced at Peter, Peter could see the silent question in Neal’s eyes. “Come here,” Peter whispered as he shifted a little. Neal grinned and immediately moved as well, settling himself between Peter’s legs with his back against Peter’s front. Peter’s arms wound around Neal and he rested his head against Neal’s. As much as he loved watching Neal’s face, he liked the fact that Neal wanted to be held by him. Neal felt comfortable against him and his heart wasn’t racing fearfully or anxiously. In fact, Neal’s heart was rather calm. “Is this everything you imagined it would be?” Peter asked, wondering if this was what Neal had in mind when he’d said he wanted to watch the sunset with a significant other.

“Better,” Neal whispered as he nuzzled the side of his face against Peter’s. “I hadn’t imagined being in the arms of someone like you.” Peter kept smiling softly at he began to rub his thumb over Neal’s abdomen. “Now that I’ve been held by you, I never want to watch the sunset with another man, much less in another man’s arms.”

“You never have to do anything with another man or in another man’s arms,” Peter whispered. He wasn’t suggesting that Neal couldn’t walk away from him if Neal decided that loving him took too much effort and he’d prefer a mortal lover or that Peter wasn’t loving him adequately. All he was saying was that Neal never had to turn to another man for anything else as long as Peter made him happy and made him feel loved.

Neal rested his hands over Peter’s and said, “I never want to.”

Both men were rather quiet as the sun was nearly set. The sky was a rather beautiful explosion of pink, yellow, and white. To Peter, there was absolutely nothing more beautiful in his eyes than the man he was sharing this sunset with. “May I ask you a question, Neal?” Neal made a sound of acknowledgement while squeezing Peter’s hands. “Why were you reading one of the _Twilight_ series’ books?”

Neal tensed and said, “I never read them before. I wanted a better understanding of a relationship with a vampire.”

Grinning, Peter kissed the back of Neal’s head and said, “Why don’t you try living in the present rather than looking to a book for help?” He slid his right hand up Neal’s torso and rested his hand over Neal’s heart before adding, “Besides, they aren’t an accurate representation of what a relationship with me will be like.”

The younger man realized Peter was teasing him rather than making fun of him for reading the books. “Oh, yeah? Bella’s vampire boyfriend stalked her and saved her from potential attackers and—”

“That may be the only connection between their relationship and ours,” Peter conceded. “Although, I wasn’t stalking you. I was trying to ensure your safety and make sure you returned home safely.” He kissed the back of Neal’s head again and whispered, “I also don’t stand in your bedroom silently to watch you sleep.”

Neal rolled his eyes. “That’s because you can watch me sleep while lying beside me.” Peter chuckled. That was true. They preferred to share a bed rather than spend the night away from each other if they could help it. “I don’t mind that though. I just hope I’m not as needy as Bella is.”

Peter shook his head. “You aren’t,” he assured his lover. “I don’t think you’d become borderline suicidal or lifeless if I decided to leave.” Neal raised an eyebrow. “I also don’t think you’d hit on a werewolf. The one thing I find rather accurate is that werewolves have an awful scent.”

“So werewolves are real, too.”

“Vampires are, so why not?” Peter teased.

Neal chuckled and sighed contentedly. “I feel like our relationship will be better than Bella and Edward’s. Keller definitely represents James, but I know you’ll never let anything happen to me.”

Peter had every intention of giving Neal a human life as long as he could, but he knew he’d have to turn Neal at some point if he wanted Neal to be at his side forever—or if Neal wanted to live his life eternally at Peter’s side. “It will be,” Peter guaranteed. “I will do everything within my power to protect you—and I will never ever abandon you.”

The younger man knew that very well considering how long Peter had been watching over him. Peter had waited a long time for Neal and Neal had no intention of making Peter feel like those years were a waste of time. He hadn’t imagined having a relationship like this with Peter, but he was grateful for it nonetheless. With Peter, he didn’t question whether or not this relationship was real or if Peter’s feelings for him were genuine. Peter’s actions spoke much louder than his words and Peter’s actions were always genuine.

They sat together comfortably and silently even after the sun had vanished and the sky began to darken. The more Neal thought about this, the more he realized that this had been Peter’s idea of a first date. In all honesty, this was Neal’s idea of a first date as well. He didn’t need a fancy dinner, a movie, or even sex on the very first date. All Neal wanted was for a man to genuinely want to spend time with him and that was exactly what Peter did. Peter made this very special without actually calling it a date, but it was what Neal hoped would be the first of many.

Peter’s idea of romance was everything Neal wanted. There was no urgency to say ‘I love you’ nor was there any need to progress to physical intimacy just yet. Neal valued the kind of romance Peter was giving him. When he compared his relationship with Vincent to the relationship he has with Peter now, he loathed himself for allowing Vincent to take advantage of him. Had he held out just a little while longer, he knew Peter would have made things better.

Neal recalled how Vincent had been the man to take his virginity and he honestly wished that he’d saved himself for Peter. Peter would never harm him the way Vincent had and he was sure of that. It was just impossible for Peter to become that monster. With that in mind, Neal realized that Peter would never be a monster. Peter is a vampire, but not a monster. Peter is learning to control himself and the temptation he endures while close to Neal and Neal couldn’t deny just how human that made Peter.

As Neal reclined against Peter, he squeezed Peter’s hand a little firmer. “Thank you,” he whispered. He didn’t feel the need to thank Peter for bringing him here or for bringing him out to his hunting grounds. It just felt right to thank Peter for making his life better. Even if Peter weren’t a vampire, Neal had the feeling that Peter would be the same kind of man he is at this very moment in time.

“There’s no reason to thank me,” Peter said softly in response. “I would do anything for you. Seeing you happy brings me joy, Neal.”

Glancing up at the older man, Neal met Peter’s eyes. He could see how much Peter loved him and he hoped he was mirroring Peter’s feelings as well. In all honesty, Peter could have chosen any man in the entire world to become his mate. Neal realized that Peter hadn’t wanted just any man though. Peter wanted him and he’d been willing to wait until Neal came to the same conclusion that he only wanted Peter as well.

Despite the fact that he’d initially felt like holding out a little longer to savor each and every moment with Peter, he wanted Peter to know how he felt. Neal’s lips curved into a softer smile than Peter had ever seen before, a smile that would have made Peter’s heart skip a beat or two had it been beating. The words that escaped those beautiful lips would have stopped his heart though. “I love you.”

Peter didn’t want to let Neal know just how much that elated him, but he couldn’t just smile silently without letting Neal know he felt the same way about him. Neal had made the first move in that direction and Peter knew he would be welcome to reiterate those three words to Neal now.

Before Peter could say those three words, he decided that there was one more thing that needed to be done first…

Tentatively, Peter shifted Neal. Neal was staring into his eyes, peering into his very soul. Up until Neal had come into his life, he hadn’t felt like he possessed a soul at all. This was further proof that Neal was changing him for the better, changing him to make him feel like the human male he is.

Peter tilted his head just enough to give Neal the idea of what he intended on doing and he was pleased to see that Neal immediately understood and wanted the same thing.

The gap between their faces became smaller and smaller until their lips brushed together for a gentle kiss. There was no urgency to their kiss. Their eyes closed simultaneously upon pressing their lips together and their lips moved in synchronization. As Peter readjusted his head to deepen the kiss, he knew this was nothing like any kiss Neal had ever received before.

It was slow, passionate, and exactly what Neal wanted from a man who reciprocated his feelings.

Even after their lips parted and they slowly opened their eyes, Peter wanted to tell Neal what Neal already knew. “And I love you, Neal Caffrey.”


	14. Chapter 14

Elizabeth and Peter were relaxing together in the home they shared shortly after Neal and Peter had returned from Peter’s hunt. She’d noticed that he’d seemed a bit different and had yet to ask why that was. The fact that he was smiling at his phone as he texted rather quickly told her that Neal had something to do with this sudden change. It was a positive change and one that Elizabeth honestly loved to see. Considering how long Peter had tormented himself, it was nice to see that Peter was happy.

“So, considering you spent the whole weekend away and alone with Neal…” Peter paused in his texting and glanced at his friend. “Did you finally—?”

“No,” Peter interjected almost immediately. “He and I had a romantic weekend. That’s all.” She raised an eyebrow at Peter and crossed her arms over her chest. Peter set his phone down and glared at her. “Do you honestly believe I’m going to risk his life like that?”

She sighed at him before asking, “Then what did you two do this weekend that has you so giddy?”

Peter hesitated at first. He wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to answer. Elizabeth had never been one for taking a relationship slowly, so he figured she’d probably think he was ridiculous for waiting so long before finally kissing his boyfriend. She might also laugh at him for waiting this long to take Neal on a date. He firmly believed in romancing a partner at a decent pace, but perhaps he’d been too slow. “…I kissed him.”

The silence that hung between them was awkward for a moment before Elizabeth began to grin at him. “Is that so?” Peter figured he’d be blushing immensely if he weren’t a vampire. Elizabeth liked things to move at a rapid pace, which is why she had more physical relationships than Peter had ever had in his lifetime. “Well, that’s a major step in the right direction for you, my dear.” Peter’s brows furrowed. He hadn’t been expecting her to say that. “What? I was beginning to think you’d never get physically intimate with him. The fact that you’ve finally kissed him suggests you’re getting closer to allowing yourself to mate with him.”

“I don’t know about that,” Peter muttered.

She watched her friend and giggled. “I can tell you’ve been thinking about it.” Peter didn’t deny that. He’d been able to control himself while kissing Neal. He’d tasted and felt Neal’s luscious lips after spending years wondering if he’d ever be given the privilege of doing so. In that period of time, he’d wondered if he’d wind up killing Neal when he meant to simply kiss him. The fact that he hadn’t harmed Neal suggested that he could do this—that he could romance Neal the way he’s always dreamt about. “Have you thought about asking him?”

Peter took a few moments to think to himself before nodding. “He’s been getting in my head,” Peter murmured. “Him and his damn humanity.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I love him so much and he’s… El, he’s as in love with me as I am with him.”

Elizabeth smacked his arm and said, “Did you honestly think he’d be with you and keep your secret if he weren’t in love with you?” Peter gave her a soft smile because he appreciated her response. “He knows what you’re capable of and he’s fallen in love with you anyway.”

“I think he knows that my heart has belonged to him for more than a decade,” Peter whispered. “He knows I would never do anything to hurt him. I’ll do anything I can to protect him.” He looked away for a moment and Elizabeth knew he was thinking about something. “After everything he went through with Vincent, I don’t want to see him hurt ever again. I don’t want to see him cry ever again.”

Nodding, Elizabeth took Peter’s hand in her own and whispered, “He knows you’ll never be like that man. Vincent did terrible things to him and all you’ve done is treat him like your king.”

“And, speaking of my king,” Peter said softly. “He’s expecting me.” Elizabeth looked impressed and thrilled. “He said he’s going to make dinner for us, but it’s going to be a surprise.” She knew dinner dates were normal among humans, but she thought it was a bit awkward. Peter seemed to enjoy dinner dates though, especially since his companion on said date was a man he loves more than anything. While he may not satiate his hunger similarly, he could appreciate another’s presence just the same.

Smiling at her friend, Elizabeth said, “Well, I hope all goes well. Good luck, hon.”

He simply stared at her for a few long moments, knowing exactly what she was referring to. Of course Neal would probably find himself rather excited, but Peter couldn’t even begin to describe just how anxious he was while considering physical intimacy with Neal a possibility. It would more than likely result in Neal’s death as far as he was concerned.

Knowing Neal though, he would find some way to convince Peter that Peter is in control of himself and everything will be fine in the end. Eventually, Peter knew he would begin to believe that. And he knew now that he needed to let Neal’s words sink in at times. He isn’t the monster he’s always thought himself to be and Neal had shown him that.

Peter smiled faintly to himself, knowing he could do this. His love for Neal and need to defend Neal wouldn’t allow him to harm the young man. He knew he could kiss parts of Neal’s body including his lips without causing him harm. It was all a matter of being able to control himself, to know that he was capable of loving the man of his dreams without crushing him to death in an instant.

Perhaps this would all end well. All he needed to do was trust himself and believe Neal when Neal would undoubtedly tell him that he’s a good man rather than a monster. If he kept thinking about all of the terrible things that could possibly happen while romancing Neal, he was sure that he’d find some way to make it all true in the end.

Neal may not know just how much he has influenced Peter, but he would know soon enough.

•◊•

Peter arrived at Neal’s apartment promptly at five o’clock in the evening to the smell of a well done pot roast. There had been a night where he’d mentioned enjoying pot roast prior to being transformed into a vampire. He probably wouldn’t fully appreciate it since mortal food didn’t satiate him like it used to. Mortals _as_ food would though.

Before he could even knock on the door to make his presence known, he heard Neal darting to the door. Smiling to himself, he waited for his lover. As soon as the door opened, Neal’s lips parted and he looked breathless. Peter initially chalked it up to Neal doing last minute things, but he could hear Neal’s heart pounding. “Hello, beautiful,” Peter said softly. Neal’s entire face seemed to light up then. He looked incredibly happy to see his boyfriend and have him at his apartment.

“Hello,” Neal whispered as he shifted aside and gestured for Peter to enter.

Normally, Peter would have waited until he was sure it was safe to interact with Neal romantically without eyes on them, but he didn’t particularly care tonight. As he passed Neal, he paused and slid his arm around Neal’s waist before pressing a gentle kiss against his cheek. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight.”

Neal watched Peter for a moment before shutting the door. “I have been, too,” Neal said quietly. He joined Peter at the table where he’d placed the food and seemed a bit nervous.

Peter could tell that Neal was anxious about something now that they were actually together. “Is everything all right, my love?” Neal took Peter’s hand after Peter asked his question, which was slightly telling. “What’s wrong?”

“I…”

He’d asked his lover what was wrong and it didn’t take too much longer before Peter knew. He knew what Neal had done, what Neal was anxious about. He caught the alluring scent of Neal’s blood. “Why?” was all he managed to croak out as he stared at Neal painfully. He wasn’t angry by any means, but he wasn’t necessarily happy with the other man either.

Neal swallowed hard before saying, “I didn’t want you to be hungry, but I wasn’t planning on asking in advance if that would be okay…”

Peter watched his lover glance to the side and he figured that was where Neal had hidden his little secretive addition to dinner. “Listen to me, please,” Peter said while sighing quietly. “Putting it into a little baggie isn’t the way I want it.” Neal’s brows furrowed as Peter shifted a little closer to him. He stared up at Peter, sensing that Peter may be upset with him, but it turned out that that wasn’t the case when Peter rested his right hand on Neal’s left hip and proceeded to lean his face in closer to Neal’s neck. “If I were to go through with it, fresh is the best way…” Neal shivered and stared directly into Peter’s eyes as Peter began to pull back. “I was going to ask you tonight how you felt in regards to that—if you were still as interested as you seemed before.”

“I am more than interested,” Neal said eagerly.

“You do understand what this will do to us though?” Neal gave him a confused look. “I have bound myself to you by giving my venom to you.” He touched Neal’s throat sorrowfully, remembering why he’d given his venom to Neal—remembering that he’d saved his lover’s life by doing so. “I don’t want you to share with me if—”

Neal made him stop talking by kissing him abruptly. “I want to complete this bond with you,” he whispered sincerely. He’d been considering asking Peter if Peter would be interested in tasting his blood, but he wasn’t sure how Peter would respond to it this time given that he’d seemed utterly opposed to it in the past. Neal had gone to a blood bank earlier that morning prior to heading to the bureau and managed to con one of the women working there into giving him a baggie of his own blood that had been drawn. “I love you and only you.”

Smiling softly at the younger man, Peter lifted his hand away from Neal’s throat and caressed the side of his face. “I love only you as well.” And he’d only loved Neal for quite some time. He didn’t think anyone else could ever take Neal’s place in his heart. Sure, he’d said that very same thing about Felix once before, but Felix wasn’t meant for him nor was he meant for Felix. In his heart, he knows that he and Neal were meant for each other. “There is a particular way I would prefer to go about completing this bond, but the decision will ultimately be left up to you.”

“What particular way are you thinking?”

“I have been…considering…the possibility of…” He trailed off and sighed, stroking his thumb along Neal’s cheekbone for a moment. “I have been considering the possibility of engaging in physical intimacy with you.” Neal’s lips parted in surprise because he hadn’t been expecting that. “I will describe the entire process to you in great detail if you wish to consider that option as well, but we could also do this in a non-sexual way. I could just carefully drink from your throat or any other part of your body that you’re comfortable with rather than risking your life.”

Neal shook his head and whispered, “I don’t consider this to be risking my life. I love you and I want you—only you.” He rested both of his hands on Peter’s chest and sighed contentedly before resting his head on Peter’s shoulder. He loved the fact that Peter’s arms slid around him comfortingly. “Does this mean you finally believe me when I tell you that you’re as human as I am?”

Sighing quietly, Peter nodded against his lover. “You’ve made me think about things quite a bit, Neal. You’ve opened my eyes to things I didn’t want to see.” Neal gently nuzzled his face against Peter’s neck in the hopes of encouraging him to expand upon that a little more. “I’ve never wished to harm you nor do I ever intend to cause you pain—physically or emotionally.” Peter knew he struck a nerve there when Neal tensed against him. “The way I feel about you is human and the way I wish to be with you for eternity is also human, I suppose.”

Peter was relieved by the fact that Neal’s tension seemed to dissipate as quickly as it had come. “I trust you,” Neal whispered as he pressed a kiss against Peter’s neck. “I trust you with my life.”

“I will take care of you,” Peter promised him. “I will take care of your body, your feelings, and I promise you that I won’t take too much of your blood.” Neal closed his eyes and nodded as Peter inhaled against him, taking in the scent of the human he loves. “I don’t want to live without you, so I will do whatever I possibly can to keep you safe—even if I am the only one in your presence.”

“You don’t have to protect me from yourself,” Neal assured him as he backed up a little to look up at Peter’s face. “Even if you were to kill me, at least my final moments would be with you.” Peter glowered at him and Neal understood that Peter didn’t want to hear that. “Peter, I know how much you love me. I’m not afraid of you or what you could do to me. If we are physically intimate, I want you to trust yourself as much as I trust you.” He gave his boyfriend a gentle smile before adding, “You need to trust yourself with me or the worst will happen. The more you worry about harming me, the more likely you are to do just that.” Sliding his hands up Peter’s chest and over Peter’s shoulders, he whispered, “When we are intimate, you’re just as human as I am. Trust yourself to take care of me and allow yourself to enjoy what we’re going to do together. If you can relax yourself, everything will be just fine.”

Peter nodded. “I just… I can’t help feeling afraid, Neal. I don’t want to lose you.”

Neal slid his arms around Peter’s neck and hugged him a bit tighter since he knew he could without hurting Peter. “You won’t lose me,” he said sincerely in Peter’s ear. Closing his eyes, he exhaled and said, “I have one request, however.” Peter made a sound of acknowledgement, letting Neal know he was listening. “Before we physically connect with each other, can I ask that you feed your venom to me?”

“You’re giving me a precautionary option just in case?” In response, Neal tangled his fingers in Peter’s hair. “Yes, I can do that for you, my love.” He figured it might be a good idea. If he were too rough with Neal, he may end up killing him. With Peter’s venom in his system, he would die, but he would be transformed into a vampire as well. Whether or not Neal transformed in the end, at least Neal was trying to make certain that Peter wouldn’t lose him forever. “I believe you asked me over for a dinner date…” Peter prompted, hoping he could distract Neal for the moment.

“I asked you over because I want to spend time with you,” Neal corrected him. “I am hungry though and you’re welcome to…‘eat’ the food I made.” He played with Peter’s hair a little before sighing once again. “I want to give my blood to you, Peter.”

Peter squeezed the younger man as tightly as he could without hurting him. “I know you do, my sweet, sweet Neal… Patience though, my love. Tonight will be a dinner date. The completion of our bond will be another night.”

Neal supposed he could deal with that. Peter spent so much time waiting for him. The least he could do was wait until Peter believed they were both ready for this. “I can’t wait to officially be mated to you,” he said softly, knowing that Peter considered him a mate. Of course they were lovers, boyfriends, but Peter seemed to prefer the term ‘mate.’

“Nor can I,” Peter said happily. He’d considered Neal his mate since the day he first laid eyes on Neal, but he’d waited until Neal reached adulthood. He hadn’t wanted to interfere in Neal’s life nor did he want to force Neal to grow up earlier than was necessary. In his mid-twenties, Neal could make a reasonable choice for himself in regards to his romantic interests. Considering Peter has loved him for so long, Neal didn’t have to question whether or not he was making a good decision.

Their love for each other was genuine. No questions needed to be asked.

•◊•

When Neal woke up in the middle of the night, he realized Peter had carried him to bed and covered him up. He’d proceeded to drink a bit heavily during dinner and Peter must’ve felt like he needed to ensure that Neal made it to bed without injuring himself. “Peter?” he called out quietly.

Within a matter of moments, Peter had returned to the bedroom. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just…wanted to know if you were still here.”

Peter smiled and was on the bed behind Neal before Neal even registered that Peter had moved. “Of course I’m here,” he whispered. He draped his arm over Neal’s waist and kissed the back of Neal’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t simply abandon you and you know I enjoy spending the night with you.”

Neal turned over and wiggled around a bit until he felt like he was comfortably curled up to Peter. “I know. I like having you here.” 

Peter smiled before kissing Neal’s forehead. “Go back to sleep, my dear.” He slid his hand along Neal’s back soothingly and it didn’t take very long for Neal to drift off again. Peter watched Neal sleep, knowing that Neal was going to be his for eternity. This was the man he wanted to spend forever with. “I love you so very much,” Peter whispered, knowing full well that the young man was asleep. “There’s nothing and no one I could ever love more than I love you.” He kissed Neal’s forehead once more.

The longer he stared at Neal’s sleeping form, the more he realized that he was always going to love this man and would love him more and more with each passing day. “Love you, too,” Neal whispered, sounding like he was drifting in and out of sleep. Nonetheless, his soft whisper made Peter smile.

Despite his initial reservations about turning Neal, he wanted Neal to be immortal with him. Soon enough, he and Neal would live eternally, but the completion of their bond as mates would come first…


	15. Chapter 15

"I love you," he whispered, gasping at the sensation of his painful pleasure.

The man above him didn't respond in kind, but he rarely did in the heat of any moment. "Quiet," the man said firmly. "You know I like it when you're quiet." Neal did know that, but he liked being vocal. Whenever they'd been together at dinner or relaxing in one of their places, Neal wasn't supposed to speak much unless it was required of him. In essence, he was meant to stand or sit there and look pretty.

However, this was Neal's very first time with a man—with a partner in general. He'd imagined that this would be better. It wasn't particularly enjoyable for him emotionally and his body was aching. He'd heard before that other people's experiences with their first sexual partner could be awkward, but he didn't imagine that it would be this awkward. On his hands and knees, he stared down at the bed sheets and panted. He'd tried to convince him to do this face to face, but he just wouldn't have any of that, so Neal was forced to look away from the other man. The hands on his hips weren't gentle, nor were the thrusts into his body from behind.

Curling his fingers in the bed sheets, he shut his eyes tightly. Vincent Adler was the man he was currently with. Vincent wasn't his first relationship, but he was the first man Neal had a sexual relationship with—starting a little earlier that day. Neal hadn't known exactly what to expect from Vincent because he could tell Vincent wasn't particularly the romantic kind of man. In fact, things had gotten rather...distant between them in the last two weeks. "Vincent!" he cried out when a thrust into him hurt more than he could bear.

Much to Neal's disdain, Vincent wasn't thrilled with his outburst and he proceeded to slap Neal. "Don't make me repeat myself, Neal." Neal whimpered for a moment as Vincent proceeded to repeat exactly the same kind of thrust that had hurt Neal just moments before. "Take it like a man and enjoy it." Vincent arched over him and dug his nails into Neal's hips. The warmth of his breath on Neal's bare skin made Neal shiver, but it wasn't necessarily a welcome reaction to what Vincent was doing to him. Neal felt more discomfort than anything else and he honestly wished this would end already. Even if he didn't come, he just wanted this to be over. "Take it like the _con_ man you are," Vincent said as he'd leaned closer and hissed in Neal's ear. Neal tensed beneath Vincent, eliciting a quiet chuckle from the other man. "Yes, I know all about your little game. I know you were trying to con me." Something had changed in Vincent's tone. It wasn't just that he was authoritative and demanding in bed. It was something else, something sinister. "And you're about to feel what I do to beautiful boys who deceive me."

"Vincent, stop," Neal pleaded as Vincent shoved him down onto the bed, allowing his weight to keep Neal pressed into the mattress. "Vincent, please!" He hadn't realized that Vincent was aware of the con he was partaking in nor had he thought much about it since he'd started developing romantic feelings for Vincent. "You're hurting me!" he cried out when Vincent began to pound into his body, ravaging him to punish him for his deception. "Please! I love you! Stop!" Vincent's right hand came up to grip Neal's hair roughly and pull back, forcing Neal's neck to arch in such an uncomfortable manner.

Once Neal had quieted down, which took several minutes, Vincent released his hair. Neal's scalp ached as much as the rest of his body and all he could do was rest his head on the mattress. He felt terrible physically and emotionally because he hadn't once given any thought to the possibility of what might happen should Vincent find out about his con while they were in a relationship. He'd trusted Vincent to try to take care of him since he knew well before now that Neal was a virgin. That didn't seem to matter anymore and Neal knew that immediately. Vincent didn't consider him so innocent and probably believed Neal had lied about being a virgin as well. Unfortunately, Neal hadn't lied about that part, nor had he lied about loving this man.

He hadn't felt so unloved in his life, but the fact that he'd fallen in love with Vincent meant this hurt him more than he's ever been hurt before.

The tears he shed that night would only be the first few of many more to come.

•◊•

Peter woke up when he heard Neal's breathing change. He'd asked Neal to spend the night with him at his home and Neal loved that too much to ever consider turning it down. They'd gone to bed together after Peter did some crosswords with Neal. Crosswords were something Peter enjoyed doing from time to time, but he could enjoy his hobby more now that Neal seemed to be interested in partaking in the completion of his crosswords as well.

Neal's breathing was normally very even and rather slow when he was sleeping, but something was wrong. Pushing himself up a bit, he glanced at Neal's face and could see that Neal was sweating profusely and his cheeks were tear-stained. Eyes wide, he gently whispered Neal's name repeatedly until Neal finally woke up. The younger man was gasping and crying simultaneously, looking as though he were completely lost and disoriented now that he was awake. "My love, what's wrong?" he asked concernedly when Neal finally looked up at him and closed his eyes as he let out a quiet, shaky sigh—a sigh that sounded like relief. Neal only shook his head silently in response and Peter wasn't going to accept that. As much as he respects Neal, he wanted to know what had happened while Neal was sleeping so he could do whatever was necessary to stop Neal's tears. "My beautiful Neal, please talk to me."

"It's nothing," Neal stammered. He opened his eyes again and Peter could see that Neal had lied to him. It wasn't nothing. It was definitely _something_ and whatever this something was had hurt him significantly while he was asleep.

"I want to help you," he said softly as he wiped Neal's tears away. "I love you and I don't know what upset you so much while you were sleeping." Neal was lying on his back, staring up at Peter, and it was obvious to Peter that he was debating on whether or not he felt comfortable enough to open up to Peter about what had hurt him so terribly. Rather than open up, Neal decided to roll onto his side and curl up against Peter. He wanted to be comforted and knew very well that Peter would give him the comfort he was seeking. With his arms around the younger man, Peter kissed Neal's hair and rubbed Neal's back slowly. They'd both gone to bed shirtless, so Peter could feel how unnaturally warm Neal's skin had become. "If you don't want to tell me what upset you, can you at least tell me if there's anything I can do for you?"

The younger man's fingers were stroking Peter's chest as he breathed shakily, trying so desperately to refrain from crying once again. He'd woken up from his nightmare and realized that the reality he was currently living was far better than the past he'd thrown himself back into during his sleep. "Just...hold me," was all Neal could say in that moment. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to stop his quivering lips. Peter held him so lovingly that Neal wished he could forget about past lovers and focus solely on the only man he wants to love for the rest of his life, which he was hoping would be eternal. "I love you. I love you so much."

Peter smiled sadly and whispered, "You know I love you just as much, my sweet angel." Neal's heart ached at the softness of Peter's voice considering he'd allowed himself to relive the cruel, bitter voice of the very first man he'd truly loved. Peter was everything he'd ever wanted in his life, but he hadn't allowed himself to wait long enough for Peter to finally come sprinting into his life with all of the love for Neal that he'd held within himself for so long. "I have loved you for years and I will continue to love you forever. Nothing will change that."

"I know," Neal whispered. Peter wished he knew what was wrong. He didn't like the pain he heard in Neal's voice, especially since that pain was an underlying tone in Neal's voice when he'd told Peter he loves him. Neal let out a quiet gasp that concerned Peter before he finally managed to stammer, "I dreamt about the very first time Vincent raped me." Peter's frozen heart felt as though it were shattering in his chest. Neal broke down as soon as he'd finished revealing to Peter the very thing that had pained him for years. "He did it the first time. It hurt so much."

"He... He did this to you the very first time you were sexual with him?" Neal nodded against him and held onto him tighter, wishing he could sink right into Peter's warm body and hide within him forever. Peter figured that this dream had been brought on by Neal's ideas about what their own first time would be like. Evidently, Neal was drawing upon ideas based on his previous experiences, which weren't at all what Peter had in mind for his lover. He had absolutely no intention of causing Neal harm. "I can promise you that it will not be like that between us should you decide to feel comfortable with being sexually active with me. I—"

Neal threw his head back and looked up at Peter in despair. "I don't know what to expect from you," he admitted. "I know you're a good man, but I've never had a good man as a sexual partner." Peter nodded. He appreciated that Neal was being so open with him about this now, but it was more than likely because Neal knew Peter wouldn't judge him and that Peter would never intentionally harm him. "I only know how it feels to be hurt."

Peter kissed Neal's fresh tears and listened to Neal's heart pound as he considered his words. Neal needed to know that Peter wouldn't recreate the nightmares he had lived through and was beginning to live through once again. "You are my one, true love," Peter whispered to him as he pressed a gentle kiss against Neal's nose. "I want nothing more than to give myself to you and to see you smile. I want nothing more than to make you laugh or giggle." Neal's lips cracked into a small, appreciative smile then. "I want nothing more than to spend eternity with you at my side. I want nothing more than to be at your side for eternity." He proceeded to kiss Neal's lips then, engaging in a slow, yet considerably passionate, kiss. Their eyes slid to a close as they kissed each other leisurely. There was no need to rush through their kiss and both men knew how much they loved each other since they could practically feel love emanating from each other. As they parted to allow Neal to breathe, Peter smiled at his young lover. "My beautiful, beautiful man..." he said quietly as he lifted his left hand and caressed the side of Neal's face. He sighed contentedly and shook his head. "I love you so very much and I am so willing to do anything and everything I can to make every sexual experience you have from this point on so much better than anything you've previously experienced."

"I know you will," Neal whispered. "I trust you more than anyone."

Peter appreciated hearing that more than Neal knew. Of course Neal told him similar things before, but it did mean quite a bit to hear it repeatedly. "I promise you that I won't make you regret putting your trust in me." Neal nuzzled his face against Peter's and nodded. "What he did to you is in the past. What I wish to do to you in the future is what I hope you will focus on for eternity."

Neal nodded. "I'm sure you'll make it memorable every time." Peter grinned at him in response, which, fortunately, also elicited a wider smile from Neal. "I know I shouldn't say this, but thank you for killing him." He swallowed hard before adding, "I never have to feel as though I need to prove myself to him nor do I have to feel like I must love him when I look at him. I won't be hurt by him ever again nor could anyone else ever endure what I endured with him."

"Don't thank me," Peter whispered. "I know how much he hurt you. It may have been preferable for you to report him and have him imprisoned for what he did to you, but, as you said, you won't be hurt again. I'm glad I spared you from such an awful amount of pain, albeit a little too late."

"Better late than never," Neal said as he laughed half-heartedly. "Because you're fully aware of everything I went through with him, I know you'll do your best to prevent me from feeling that way ever again."

Peter rolled onto his back and pulled Neal onto his front before kissing him. "I never want to be the reason you're in pain," Peter told him. "I can't guarantee you that sex will be painless considering it's been so long since I've been sexually active and that you're still a mortal." He bit his lip even though he could see the trust that was undeniably in Neal's eyes. "It may not be painless, but I will not force you to endure anything. If I hurt you beyond what you're capable of tolerating, I promise you that I will respect you and stop immediately. You trust me with your heart and your body, so I will do everything within my power to show you that your trust in me is not mistaken nor is it something I take for granted."

Neal nodded as he initiated the next kiss with Peter. “I know,” he whispered against Peter’s lips. “You don’t have to convince me of anything—ever.”

•◊•

Peter glanced out into the bullpen to watch Neal work. He was concerned about his lover considering how he was acting as if he hadn't woken up from a nightmare or burst into tears in front of him. Of course he wouldn't ridicule Neal or bring it up, but he couldn't help worrying that this may be hurting Neal more than he's currently letting on. The last thing he wanted was for Neal to feel like he needed to suppress his feelings and thoughts regarding the past. He hoped Neal knew he could be as open with him as he wanted to be and that Peter was more than happy to listen to him or offer himself to Neal to comfort him.

As if on cue, Neal stopped writing and paused for a few moments before turning just enough to glance up at his boyfriend's office. He could feel Peter's eyes on him and he was well aware that Peter was worried about him. Peter made that considerably obvious when they'd been getting breakfast ready together that morning. Peter was doing everything he possibly could to make Neal happy and, as much as he appreciated that, he wished Peter would realize he didn't need to try so hard. Sighing quietly, he whispered, "I promise I'm fine."

The older man smiled just enough to let Neal know that he heard that and believed him. Neal felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, so he immediately pulled it out. He figured it’d be a text from Peter since Peter could do it without anyone seeing and he wasn’t wrong. “ _I love you very much._ ” As if he needed to tell Neal that. Neal knew that just by looking at Peter and seeing the way Peter looks at him.

“I love you just as much,” Neal whispered. He glanced at Peter and could see the happy, shy, little smile on Peter’s face as he looked away for a moment. “Don’t pretend you don’t know that,” he teased the older man. Peter liked hearing Neal say he loves him in return because he’d never felt so loved in his life before, which was a very long time. Of course Elizabeth loves Peter, but not in the way Peter desired. He hadn’t been very loved by his own father when he was younger and he’d admitted once that his first and last real lover hadn’t been as deeply in love with him as he was with that man. “Do you think there’s a possibility of completing the mating process tonight?”

He watched Peter and saw the way Peter reacted. Considering how Neal had woken up during the night and what he’d dreamt about in general, Peter wasn’t quite so sure if it’d be a wise idea to try that since neither of them knew how things would go. Rather than sending a text message, Peter stood up and pretended like he was stretching out a bit before leaving his office, heading down the stairs to enter the bullpen. He approached Neal’s desk, which made Neal anxious. He couldn’t tell if he’d upset Peter with the question nor could he tell if Peter were interested in the idea—at least until Peter had stopped right in front of him.

Peter’s eyes looked darker. It also seemed like he was struggling. “Lunch?” he asked quietly. Neal nodded, proceeding to stand up almost immediately. “Calm down,” Peter whispered. Neal’s heart was hammering in his chest, so he knew Peter could hear that. “If we’re going to discuss this, I’d prefer that we do it in private. I don’t want it to be said over text message either.” He almost took Neal’s hand in his own, but he seemed to remember at the last moment that they were at the bureau—where Neal was his informant. “I also need your help with a case I picked up earlier today, but that can be discussed at a later time.”

Neal nodded silently. “Where are we going for lunch?”

He and Peter began to walk out of the bullpen together. Peter, being the gentleman he is, opened the door and held it for Neal. In passing, Neal had given Peter a loving smile. He appreciated how sweet Peter is to him. “Well, I thought we might go to my place for lunch,” Peter eventually answered. “However, Elizabeth may be there and I’d hate to keep kicking her out of her own home when I wish to be alone with you…” Neal chuckled as he pressed the elevator button and Peter joined him, stopping at his side. “Would it be all right if we go to your apartment?”

“Of course,” he whispered. “You’re always welcome there.”

When the elevator arrived, Peter gestured for Neal to enter first. This was how Peter has always acted with him though, so it didn’t seem odd or out of character to anyone. When it came to his love for Neal, he’d treated Neal respectfully even before they’d gotten into a relationship.

Upon arriving at Neal’s apartment, Neal headed over to his bed. He was glad Peter followed him because he wanted to get this conversation started. It wasn’t that he was craving for sex since he hadn’t had any since he and Peter had gotten together, but he knew how much this was going to mean to Peter. To Peter, it wasn’t going to be ‘just sex.’ To Peter, this was going to be the completion of their bond. By allowing Peter to mate with him, he was letting Peter know that he wanted him and only him.

“There are some things I need to discuss with you in advance,” Peter began, eliciting a nod from his lover. Neal was well aware that Peter wanted to discuss the process of mating and some other pertinent details since this wasn’t going to be anything like the sex Neal was accustomed to. “First of all, I need to warn you that I may lose control. Your blood is a temptation to me as it always has been, but I will try my damnedest to maintain control of myself so I don’t harm or kill you.”

“Stop doubting yourself,” Neal pleaded. “You’re in control of yourself. You know that. You know I trust you.”

Peter nodded, letting it go at that. He wasn’t going to argue with Neal about this because he knows how Neal feels about his self-control. “Do you recall how I told you that human blood does certain things to my body?” Neal nodded, furrowing his brows. “When your blood is in my system, I’ll be capable of functioning sexually as if I were mortal.”

“As in…?”

There was a moment of hesitation before Peter came right out and said, “I am capable of developing an erection and ejaculating into your body.”

Neal simply stared at Peter in silence for a few seconds, letting himself process that. He knew Peter’s heart wasn’t beating, so he had been wondering about how Peter would get it up, per se. This helped clear things up though. “Does that make you nervous?”

Peter didn’t hesitate to nod. “I’m not concerned about my erection,” he admitted, “but I am concerned about the ejaculation. I don’t know how strong it will be or if I’ll hurt you. I’ve never been able to do either, but I’ve heard rumors that my ejaculation could kill you.”

“All right,” Neal whispered. “We discussed that you’d give your venom to me first just as a precaution. This also envelopes the possibility that you could ejaculate roughly.” Peter looked a little upset, so Neal took his hand and intertwined their fingers. “Don’t worry. Even if you kill me, you won’t lose me,” he promised. “I’m not afraid of dying because I know I’ll wake up to an eternal life with you even if I do.”

Despite knowing how much Peter loathed the idea of killing Neal, Neal knew Peter would be able to forgive himself eventually as long as his venom was in Neal’s system. “Before I bite you, you will drink my venom. I’m not going to risk your life by drinking your blood first, so we will make sure you’re taken care of before—”

Neal lifted Peter’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “I trust you. This’ll be something new for both of us, but we’re discussing all of this beforehand, so we’ll be fine.” He gave Peter a reassuring smile. “If you’re worried about me considering this something similar to what Vincent did to me because you may get rough, let me tell you right now that I know this is different.” Peter lowered his gaze to their hands when Neal rested their intertwined hands on his own lap. “You are my mate and I am yours. I also know you love me too much to take advantage of me.” He lifted his free hand and caressed the side of Peter’s face, waiting until Peter finally managed to look at him again. “We’re going to be fine,” he whispered. “You are my mate, Peter. You’re not just a boyfriend to me.”

Peter was searching Neal’s eyes, finding nothing but sincerity in them. He nodded and finally returned Neal’s smile. “Do you have any questions for me, my love?”

The younger man took a moment to consider any questions he could possibly ask his lover. “If you’re capable of an erection and ejaculation, does that mean you’re capable of sweating?” Peter raised an eyebrow at him. “Just wondering because I seem to have a thing for guys who sweat on me.” Peter chuckled. “That doesn’t answer the question, love.”

“I don’t know about that,” Peter admitted. “I mean, I hope I can because I want to satisfy you in every way, but I honestly don’t know if I sweat.”

Neal accepted that. “I suppose we’ll find out together then.” He squeezed Peter’s hand gently before asking, “Is there a preferable day or time that we can try this?”

Peter shook his head. “You tell me when you believe you’re ready and comfortable and…and we’ll make it happen.” Neal gave him a look that made him laugh. “I take it you believe you’re ready and comfortable now?”

“Well, I’m not trying to force anything to happen immediately, but…” He trailed off and Peter smirked in response. Peter’s eyes were still darker than usual, so Neal felt compelled to ask, “What does it mean when your eyes darken?”

Peter’s eyes widened then and he gaped at Neal, which gave Neal the impression that he felt a little embarrassed. He glanced away then. Neal watched him carefully and waited for Peter to look at him again, but he just wouldn’t. Instead, Neal gently gripped Peter’s jaw and turned his head until he was finally looking at Neal’s face again. “It means I’m…hungry,” he whispered. Neal nodded in understanding, but Peter felt the need to expand further upon what he’d just said. “I am thirsty for blood and I’m beginning to…to crave your body.” Neal then realized that Peter’s fangs were beginning to show. “I’ve only dreamt about having such an opportunity to be with you so intimately. I never thought I’d have a chance in hell to be with you.”

Neal shook his head slowly and gave him a half-smile. “All you ever had to do was ask,” Neal teased. “Deep down, I honestly believe I have had feelings for you for a long time as well.” Peter’s brows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t know what—” He paused and shook his head again. “The day you saved me sparked my interest in you.” He laughed quietly and said, “I dreamt about you when I was a teenager,” he admitted. “I remembered when you held me and I thought your arms were very strong, so I used to imagine you hovering over me—pounding into me with such vigorous thrusts that had me screaming your name for hours.” Peter’s jaw dropped as he stared at Neal. He hadn’t been expecting Neal to be so open like this. “I didn’t know why I dreamt about you, but it wasn’t just sexual dreams. I dreamt about before and after sex, too. We’d have some pillow talk, go on random dates I envisioned, and…and start a life together.”

“You never told me that before,” Peter whispered, sounding as though he were truly shocked to hear that Neal had some kind of attraction to him prior to recent months.

Shrugging, Neal said, “It honestly never came up in conversation.” He chuckled and said, “I dreamt about some really wild shit when I was sixteen. You were there in most of my dreams and damn. I dreamt about you being a romantic, but you were a real freak in the sheets.”

He rambled on a little more about the sexual things he envisioned Peter doing to him before Peter lost control. He lurched forward and slammed Neal back onto the bed, eliciting a gasp as Neal’s back hit the mattress. Neal held Peter’s shoulders as Peter began to kiss his throat. He dragged his teeth across Neal’s skin and Neal moaned. His moan turned Peter on, but Peter realized that was a problem at the moment. He couldn’t mate with Neal at this very moment considering they had to return to the bureau soon. If he killed Neal, he wouldn’t have an explanation for that. If he killed Neal, Neal wouldn’t transform.

Upon realizing that, he pulled away abruptly and thrust himself across the room. Neal was breathing heavily as he pushed himself up and gave Peter such a confused, pained look. “I can’t,” Peter said. “I don’t want to rush through this.”

“Okay,” Neal conceded. He was in a haze as he watched Peter try to calm himself down. Peter looked at him then and he could see that he’d turned Neal on a great deal.

“I apologize,” he whispered. “I didn’t intend to lead you on.”

Brows furrowed once again, Neal said, “You didn’t lead me on.” Peter approached the bed slowly and looked ashamed of himself until Neal regained his own self-control and reached out to take Peter’s hands. “It happens to human couples, too, Peter. You were turned on, I was turned on, and I was saying provocative things to you that clearly excited you further.” Peter nodded silently. “Don’t be upset. I love you and I understand.”

As he rubbed his fingers against Neal’s gently, Peter considered how much self-confidence he needed to acquire prior to becoming so intimate with Neal. Neal believes in him and that he’s capable of doing this, but he himself needed to believe that as well or he could end up doing something very detrimental to Neal physically or emotionally—or both. Swallowing hard, he closed his eyes and said, “I will work on this. I will work on my control over the matter. I can’t treat you like an animal nor can I act like one with you.”

Neal nodded in understanding and said, “We’ll save animalistic sex for the second I’m a vampire.”

The wicked, excited grin on Peter’s face thrilled Neal immediately, eliciting a quickened heart rate as was the norm when he was around Peter in general. “I like the sound of that.” As did Neal. He’d suggested it after all. He figured he wouldn’t feel pain once he was a vampire, so he figured he’d have no issue indulging himself and Peter in particularly rough, animalistic sex down the road.

Once he was a vampire, anything would be possible and Neal hoped that Peter wouldn’t feel as though he were limited in what he could or couldn’t do to Neal. In all honesty, Neal wanted to be with a man who would unleash holy hell upon his body in the most loving of ways. He had yet to have such an experience, but he knew he would eventually. Peter’s love for him would never, ever disappoint him.


	16. Chapter 16

Peter had gotten up early and dressed himself well before Neal even began to stir. It’d been a week since they’d last had a serious conversation about the process of mating, but Peter was considering asking Neal if he’d feel up to it. He was beginning to believe that he could do this as safely as Neal hoped he would, but he was still struggling with that. He doesn’t want to believe that he’s capable of loving his mate like a mortal would, but he knew he needed to. He needed to have some semblance of self-confidence before he could trust himself in a situation where he may be putting Neal’s life in danger.

As he walked back into the bedroom in Neal’s apartment, he glanced at the younger man and smiled. He was sleeping so peacefully and his hair looked adorable—all disheveled and such. His lips were parted and his breathing was very even and relaxed. Shaking his head endearingly, Peter sighed in content.

He felt incredibly lucky to have Neal’s love. Despite the years he’d spent following Neal’s life and falling increasingly and deeper in love with the other man, he honestly hadn’t considered that he and Neal could ever truly have a relationship. Fortunately, he was very wrong about that. It also helped that he was able to reveal more about himself to Neal. Granted, Neal nearly died at the time, but it was well worth it now that Peter could look back on it and he wouldn’t change a thing.

“You think too loud,” Neal murmured as he shifted on the bed to make himself more comfortable. Peter chuckled at him as he turned his head to look up at Peter sleepily. “Even when you’re standing still and completely silent, I can practically hear you thinking.”

Peter approached the bed when Neal turned onto his side and kept looking up at his lover. His eyes followed Peter’s movements until Peter was sitting on the bed in front of Neal’s stomach. He leaned and rested his right hand behind Neal’s back while smiling down at him. “Good morning, beautiful,” he whispered to the younger man. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against Neal’s forehead.

Neal’s sweet smile made Peter incredibly happy. “What’s on your mind?” he asked quietly. Peter glanced down to watch Neal’s hand as he lifted it and began to rub it over Peter’s chest. “You got out of bed early today.”

The older man nodded. “I was thinking about you.” Neal’s smile didn’t falter, but Peter could see the skepticism creeping into his eyes. “I was honestly thinking about you, my love.” He rubbed Neal’s back and added, “I hate to admit it, but I was thinking about… You know…”

“Perhaps I was dreaming about it,” Neal immediately responded, obviously catching on to what Peter was getting at. “Tell me what you were thinking?”

Peter had quite a few thoughts that had crossed his mind this morning. He didn’t even know where to begin at this point. “I imagined how it would feel to be inside of your body.” Neal’s eyes sparked at that, so Peter figured he was better off being completely honest about this with Neal. Exciting his lover was his priority and he had no reason to lie to him or withhold anything. “I imagined holding you so tightly against my body…” He could hear Neal’s heart pounding. “I imagined pressing my lips against your throat…” Before he could say anything else, he’d used his speed to take Neal by surprise. Neal was on his back again with Peter hovering above him, mouthing his throat lovingly.

Neal gasped when Peter’s fangs began to emerge and Peter scraped them across his skin slowly. “Peter…” he moaned as he gripped Peter’s shoulders.

As Peter was about to allow himself to lose a moderate amount of control, he caught the scent of someone unwelcome nearby. He tensed and froze, which immediately caught Neal’s attention. Peter shifted off of Neal and proceeded to slide out of bed. Neal was silent and holding his breath because he could sense that something was very wrong. “He’s in the apartment building,” Peter whispered. Neal pushed himself up and stared at Peter fearfully. “He can’t get into your apartment, but he’s in the building.” Peter knew exactly where he was and had the urge to hunt him down and tear him apart. There were far too many witnesses in the building though…

Peter looked like a dog, intent on listening for and catching the scent of its target. “I’m safe with you,” Neal whispered as he slid out of bed and moved to stand behind his lover. Wrapping his arms around Peter’s torso, he added, “He can’t get to me. He won’t.” Peter let out a low growl, which Neal determined meant that Peter was threatening Keller. It’d been a while since Keller had been this close to them, but it didn’t surprise Neal. Keller had been attached to him like mad when he’d been allowing Keller to sustain himself with his blood.

When the other man relaxed, Neal figured that meant Keller was gone. “He’s gone,” Peter said, confirming Neal’s thoughts. He focused on Neal again, sighing unhappily. “I don’t like that he thinks he can come this close to you.”

“That’s as close as he’ll get,” Neal assured him. He pressed himself against Peter’s back, sighed quietly, and whispered, “Will you come closer to me tonight?” Peter had forgotten that he’d been arousing Neal. Keller’s presence unnerved him to the core because Neal’s safety was his priority.

Turning towards his lover, Peter gently gripped his hips and whispered, “I refuse to pressure you into anything, so I will leave the choice up to you, my love.” He pressed his lips against Neal’s forehead and closed his eyes as he allowed them to linger there, drawing out the gentle kiss he was planting on his lover’s skin.

Neal slid his arms around Peter and hugged him. “Talk to me.”

The younger man was smart enough to know that Peter wasn’t going to let this go so easily or quickly. “I just don’t want him around you anymore.”

“Peter, I’m sure he knows you’ll tear him to pieces if he manages to get close enough to me.” Peter nodded. He’d threatened Keller under his breath repeatedly whenever he caught Keller’s scent in the area, so Keller was fully aware of what Peter intended on doing to him should he even attempt to compel Neal. “Don’t worry about him, okay? Before you know it, we’ll be mates for eternity.” He was smiling at Peter reassuringly in the hopes that he was comforting his lover somewhat.

Nodding, Peter sighed. “I know, darling.”

•◊•

Neal was sitting in Peter’s office later that day, bouncing ideas off of each other. “Maybe his angle here is that his financial status is hurting him,” Neal suggested. Peter glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. “He said in his statement that he was coerced into robbing the bank. Why? Because his children were threatened and he didn’t have money he could readily hand over.” Neal looked up from the paper he’d been reading and said, “I think we’re trying to lock up the wrong guy. If his family were threatened, wouldn’t this be considered a crime of passion?”

“I suppose,” Peter conceded. “He also claimed this heist was premeditated.” Neal’s lips parted at that. “Two statements were given by this man and they were contradictory to each other.” He seemed to realize then that Neal had only seen half of the information they’d gathered. Reaching across the desk, Peter grabbed another folder and slid it over to Neal. “Check this out.” He watched Neal read through the document in front of him. It was obvious that Neal looked a bit conflicted now. “He said his children were threatened, which is why he ended up going through with this in one statement. In the other, he’s claimed he did it for his wife because she’d been threatened.” Neal looked up from the document and listened to his lover. “Upon looking further into the details of his life, he has neither a wife nor any children.”

“So he’s a compulsive liar.”

Peter nodded. “I’m just trying to figure out what his motive was. If he didn’t have a family to protect, what compelled him to run into this bank and steal a couple hundred thousand dollars?”

Neal’s brows furrowed as he considered what Peter was saying. It then dawned on him that something with this case wasn’t right. “Compelled,” Neal whispered, his eyes widening. He glanced at Peter and gasped. “He claimed he couldn’t remember who asked him to go through with this. Couldn’t a vampire’s compulsion compel him to forget that he’d been compelled?”

“I swear to you that neither I nor Elizabeth had anything to do with—”

Waving off Peter’s interjection, Neal insisted, “Not you. You two aren’t who I was suggesting.” Peter nodded upon finally realizing who it was in particular that Neal was referring to. Neal scrambled to grab a CCTV camera’s image of the man in question and looked it over for a few moments. “Peter, I think Keller is behind this.” Peter kept watching Neal, but he remained silent. Even though no words were exchanged after that, Neal could feel Peter’s anger.

Neal knew what it was like to be compelled and Peter knew how it looked when someone was compelled. Unfortunately, the image gave them both the impression that this man had been compelled. As far as Peter knew, only three vampires in total were living in this area.

Not for the first time today, Peter had an incredible urge to hunt Keller down and end him.

•◊•

Peter was lying in bed while Neal was getting something quick to eat. They’d been working out some more details pertaining to the case Peter had picked up, but Neal sensed Peter’s frustration early on. Fortunately, he’d ended their efforts and aggravation when his stomach growled loudly. Naturally, Peter offered to make something for Neal. It was almost two in the morning though and Neal didn’t want Peter to make a special meal for him.

“I love you,” Neal whispered from the kitchen. He knew Peter could hear him and that it probably made Peter feel better. Those three words were something Peter needed and wanted to hear.

When Neal came back into the bedroom, Peter smiled softly at him. He held his hand out towards Neal, loving the fact that Neal instantly neared him and took his hand. “I love you, too.” He shifted a little and kissed Neal’s knuckles before asking, “Did you eat enough?”

“I did,” Neal said. He squeezed Peter’s hand, letting him know that he was there to support Peter. Yes, he’d been hungry and left the bedroom to get something quick to eat, but he knew his lover was upset—and hungry as well. With Keller so close and quite possibly so threatening, Peter didn’t want to risk leaving Neal. “Peter, can I…?” Peter’s brows furrowed when Neal trailed off. “I know why you won’t leave to feed, but you need to feed.” Peter sighed in response now that he knew where Neal’s train of thought was leading him. “Please?” he pleaded. “I want to help you.”

Shaking his head, Peter said, “I won’t feed off of you unless we’re mating. You’re not a meal.”

Neal teasingly began to pout, which, naturally, made Peter believe he’d genuinely upset or offended Neal. Even as Neal got onto the bed and shifted around to straddle Peter’s waist, Peter believed Neal was upset with him. “What do you mean I’m not a meal?” he whispered as he stared into Peter’s eyes. “I thought you’d love to taste me.” The arousal in Peter’s eyes as he finally caught on excited Neal. He’d been hoping Peter would understand where he was going with this. Leaning forward, Neal captured Peter’s lips with his own and kissed him slowly yet passionately. “Don’t you want me?” he murmured against Peter’s lips.

“Yes,” Peter whispered immediately. His hands gripped Neal’s hips rather firmly, but Neal had no complaints. Neal rolled his hips, rubbing himself against Peter’s body to let Peter know how much he wants him. “I want you so desperately…” It took Neal a few moments to recall that Peter wouldn’t be able to get it up until he’d begun drinking Neal’s blood, but he couldn’t forget the precautionary steps they were going to take towards keeping them both alive and together.

Neal didn’t stop Peter when Peter gripped the hem of his shirt and began to remove it. In fact, he encouraged it and even proceeded to help Peter undress himself quickly. When he’d gotten stripped down to his boxers, he stopped Peter’s hands and whispered, “Let me get rid of those clothes you’re wearing.”

Even though Neal would’ve liked to take Peter’s clothing off himself, he didn’t mind the fact that Peter became a little overexcited and used his speed to flip them over and remove his own clothing—down to his own boxers. In fact, Neal hadn’t been able to watch him undress nor had he realized that Peter had unlocked and removed the tracking anklet Neal was forced to wear. That alone spoke volumes to Neal about Peter’s love for him. He’d never run from Peter, but it meant a lot to know that Peter actually trusted him not to take advantage of the situation and escape. How could he possibly leave a man he loves, a man who loves him so deeply? “I want you to drink my venom first.” Peter was breathing heavily, which Neal inferred meant Peter was very aroused.

Nodding, Neal watched as Peter bit into his own right wrist. He sat up when Peter was satisfied with how much venom was pooling around his bitten skin. Eagerly, Neal gripped Peter’s arm and began to suck on his wrist, drinking in the venom he hadn’t had in quite some time. The last time he’d tasted this, he’d nearly died. Fortunately, the circumstances this time were better and the way Neal was sucking on Peter’s wrist seemed to arouse him very much if Neal were reading Peter’s eyes correctly.

Neal wasn’t quite sure when he’d have enough venom to survive if Peter were to accidentally kill him, but Peter wasn’t stopping him. Apparently, Peter wanted to make surer Neal’s veins were filled with his venom. In a way, that made Neal happy. Peter was ensuring his safety even though this was something that wasn’t very safe. A vampire engaging in sexual activity with a mortal was very risky…

Eventually, Peter did gently separate his wrist from Neal’s mouth. He smiled at Neal lovingly and said, “I believe you’ve taken in far more than what you need.”

“I told you that you’re not going to lose me,” Neal whispered as he lifted his right hand and caressed the side of Peter’s face. Peter kissed him gently before pressing his forehead against Neal’s. “I’m not leaving you no matter what happens.”

Peter looked thoughtful for a moment, which concerned Neal. He’d taken a great deal of Peter’s venom into his system and he was completely ready for this. Now he was wondering if Peter were about to back out… “My love, perhaps we should, uh…” Neal furrowed his brows in confusion. He had no idea what Peter was trying to suggest. “This may get…bloody.”

Neal understood then and asked, “Should we do this elsewhere?”

“I’d prefer to make love to you on a bed for your own comfort, but this is your bed…” They were in Neal’s apartment once again and Peter was beginning to feel a little self-conscious about what he was planning on doing to Neal. “We could at least remove the bed sheets.”

“If it turns out that this isn’t as bloody as you’re thinking it will be, perhaps we won’t have to undress the bed next time.” He was certain that there’d be a next time. Whether he died or not, he knew there’d be a next time.

Peter sighed. “We’ll see, my love.” He kissed Neal’s nose before quickly lifting Neal into his arms. He was able to remove the bed sheets almost instantly and Neal didn’t even register ever being put down until Peter was laying him down onto his back on the bed. He stared up at the older man as his heart began to race. The very thought of what they were about to do was making butterflies flutter in his stomach. “I can’t guarantee that the bed will be preserved…”

Neal rolled his eyes. “Like I care about a bed. If mine is destroyed, we still have yours.” Peter smirked at him as he gripped Neal’s boxers and began to remove them. He could feel the heat emanating from his lover’s body and he could hear the excitement Neal was experiencing. He removed his own boxers while pressing gentle kisses along Neal’s jaw line and throat, ensuring that he was keeping his lover relaxed. He knew this could easily become uncomfortable for Neal and he hoped beyond hope that he wouldn’t tear Neal’s body apart in the process.

Even as Peter was kissing Neal’s skin to further arouse him, Neal couldn’t help thinking to himself. Rather than thinking strictly to himself, he asked aloud, “Do I need to suck on you?”

Peter stared at Neal blankly for a moment. It took Neal a little longer to realize he’d spoken aloud. He gasped quietly and stared up at Peter, completely mortified. “It was a relevant question,” Peter assured him. “But no. I will prepare you as you need to be prepared. Your blood will work wonders on my body.” Neal settled himself down a bit when Peter didn’t make fun of him. “Don’t worry,” he whispered as he kissed Neal’s forehead. “You’re with me, I love you, and your questions are rather important to me.”

Once Neal was relaxed, Peter began the process of preparing Neal for their mating. It’d been quite some time since he’d done anything like this, but he was going to do his damnedest to make this good for Neal.

Not that Peter wasn’t already aware of it, but Neal was very skilled when it came to sex. He’d taken Peter’s fingers into his mouth and sucked on them while staring directly into his eyes. It made him wonder if Neal had ever looked at another sexual partner the same way before. If Peter were mortal, he was fairly certain he’d have a raging hard-on considering Neal was looking at him in a very, very provocative way.

Neal licked Peter’s finger tips slowly and swirled his tongue around and between them, teasing Peter. It didn’t take very long for Neal to lubricate Peter’s fingers with his saliva very well, so, after spreading Neal’s legs and settling himself between them, Peter decided now was the time to intimately touch Neal, which scared the shit out of him. He didn’t know if he’d be too rough… He could do so much harm even with his fingers, so he was terrified by the possibilities of what he could do to Neal.

“Peter,” Neal whispered. The older man could see the love and trust in his eyes. That alone inspired Peter, but it didn’t make him completely forget about how dangerous this could be for Neal. “We’re going to be okay,” he assured his lover. “Trust yourself as much as I trust you.”

Peter swallowed hard, nodded, and proceeded to tentatively insert his middle finger into Neal’s body. Based on the fact that Neal wasn’t screaming or writhing around in pain, Peter figured he was starting out all right. In fact, Neal’s eyes closed, his lips parted, and he let out a moan Peter had never heard before—and he’d heard Neal with other sexual partners before. “Please tell me if I harm you,” Peter pleaded quietly. Neal nodded even though he appeared to be on cloud nine. Peter wondered if Neal had even comprehended what he’d asked of Neal…

Hesitantly, Peter began to move his hand back and forth. He kept his eyes on Neal’s face the entire time, waiting for that moment when Neal would drop the façade he could be fronting. He was a conman after all…

Peter forced himself to stop thinking. He needed to stop thinking about Neal’s past experiences and feelings as well as Neal’s former criminal life. Neal had changed a great deal since he’d gotten out of prison. He hadn’t committed a single crime and his information was very beneficial when it was needed.

All Peter needed to do was focus on the here and now. _He_ is Neal’s present and he shouldn’t be looking back on Neal’s past if Neal weren’t doing that himself.

When Peter slid a second finger into Neal’s body, Neal tensed. That immediately concerned Peter, but Neal said, “I’m all right. It’s just…been a while.” Peter leaned forward and kissed Neal’s stomach as lovingly as he’d kissed Neal’s lips. With his other hand, he gently rubbed Neal’s side, then he proceeded to trace Neal’s abdomen slowly.

The trust was still undoubtedly in Neal’s eyes, but Peter could sense that something was wrong. “Neal, what is it?” he whispered in the hopes that Neal would open up to him.

“Nothing,” Neal murmured. He tangled his fingers up in Peter’s hair before whispering, “I love you. Nothing is wrong.”

He was a bit skeptical, but he hoped that Neal would be honest with him. However, one very telling sign that something was wrong was that Neal’s erection was only half-mast. “Neal…” His voice was pleading now. He desperately wanted to know if he were causing Neal some kind of discomfort.

Sighing in frustration, Neal said, “I told you that I’ve never had a good man for a sexual partner. I’m used to be roughed up and hurt. You’re being so gentle and I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Peter understood. After all, he’d heard the things Neal’s sexual partners had said to him in the past and he’d heard Neal scream and cry whether he was pleased or not. It’d always been heartbreaking to Peter, which is exactly why he wanted to make this so much better. He slowly began to scissor his fingers inside of Neal and was relieved when he realized Neal was becoming hard once again. “You can do and say as you please,” Peter told him. “We’re going to mate and I may be the one making love to you, but there is no dominance here. You and I are on equal ground.” Neal figured Peter was saying that because he’d heard Vincent demand him to do certain things during sex.

“You don’t mind if I get loud or if I want to touch you, do you?”

Had Peter not been aware of Neal’s sexual past, he might’ve chuckled a bit. He was very sensitive to Neal’s worries though. “Not at all,” he said with a small smile. “Be vocal and touch me all you like, my love.” Neal nodded. Peter could tell that Neal appreciated being told he could do whatever he wanted to do.

As Peter pumped his hand back and forth while continuing to scissor Neal open, he kissed Neal’s stomach. He mouthed along Neal’s stomach before proceeding up to his chest. He gave special attention to Neal’s nipples and enjoyed how tightly Neal’s fingers were tangled in his hair. “Oh, Peter…” he moaned.

When Peter had kissed his way up to Neal’s throat, his fangs had come through and he gently scraped them against Neal’s skin, eliciting a shuddering moan from the younger man. “May I?” Peter only asked because he wanted to let Neal know that he meant it when he said they were on equal ground. Neal had the right to tell him no or to ask that he stop at any point in time. In response to Peter’s question, Neal simply nodded eagerly. He even opened his eyes and looked up at Peter as though he were more than willing to give his blood to his lover. Peter didn’t doubt that one bit.

Slowly, Peter mouthed the right side of Neal’s neck. This is where the scent of his blood seemed to be the strongest. He licked the skin before shifting quickly to peck Neal’s cheek and jaw. He wanted Neal to feel loved before and after their bond was complete. When Neal began to stroke his hair, he knew this was it. This was going to make their bond eternal.

Scraping his fangs along Neal’s skin gently, Peter prepared himself mentally. He told himself repeatedly that he could do this, that Neal trusts him with his life...

As the scent of Neal’s blood became stronger, Peter tried to focus on the fact that they were about to mate. This was his and Neal’s way of declaring their eternal love for each other.

Deciding that he _could_ do this, he gripped Neal’s hips rather firmly and pulled him closer. When he was able to penetrate Neal, he’d be ready. Now that their bodies were pressed rather closely together, he sank his fangs into Neal’s throat as he’d done many, many times before to animals and other humans. He could finally taste the blood that had tempted him for so long and damn was it beautiful and more than Peter expected…

Neal gasped as this strange feeling began to make its way through his body. It almost seemed like he could feel his blood moving towards the area Peter had bitten. Peter’s fingers were holding his hips and Neal tried not to focus on the pain he was beginning to feel. He loves Peter and knows Peter wouldn’t intentionally hurt him. Perhaps this would just be par for the course.

Peter kept sucking on Neal’s throat without pausing. Neal honestly didn’t know if that were a good or bad thing since he hadn’t witnessed Peter hunting prior to this.

Just as Neal was beginning to feel light-headed, Peter pulled away and gasped while breathing heavily. Neal stared up at him concernedly, wondering if his lover were all right. Peter then looked down at him, allowing Neal to see the lust and hunger in his eyes. He thoroughly enjoyed Neal’s blood and he wanted nothing more than to stake his claim on Neal from the inside out…

Neal wasn’t quite sure what was supposed to be happening, but he figured something was working since Peter was developing an erection. “Peter,” he pleaded. “Peter, please.” He could feel blood slowly dripping down the side of his throat as well as see his own blood on Peter’s lips and fangs. “Mate with me.”

There was no further hesitation from that point on. In fact, Peter seemed to become comfortable with all of this rather quickly. He’d slowly and cautiously penetrated Neal’s body, watching Neal’s face as he slid into him. Neal looked pleased when Peter buried himself inside of him and proceeded to kiss him. Peter may be hornier than he’d anticipated, but he could still romance Neal during the mating process. Neal enjoys kissing and he wasn’t about to deny Neal any kisses, especially since they were very intimate.

Peter’s thrusts were rough, but not rough enough to make Neal beg him to stop. He’d been hurt before and that was all he knew when it came to sex, but what Peter was doing to him was nothing like what he’d been put through before. Peter was honestly making love to him. Whether or not Peter realized how powerfully he was doing so, he was making love to him. It felt nothing like anything Neal had felt before. He’d had plenty of sex with other men, yet none of them made him feel as though he mattered—as though he were the center of their world.

Peter could do all of that and more for him. The kisses, the touches, the way Peter’s body claimed his own made him feel as though he actually mattered to Peter.

The longer they continued on, which nearly came to an hour at this point, the more enjoyable their sex became. Neal had spread his legs and pressed them against Peter’s body, holding him hostage between his legs as he continued making love to him. Peter’s hands were on either side of his midsection, planted into the mattress to keep himself propped up and in position to give Neal the most satisfaction he could offer.

Off and on, Peter would alternatively kiss Neal’s lips, wiping his own blood on his lips, and continue sucking on Neal’s throat. Even as his blood was slowly being drained to sustain Peter, he could feel the venom replenishing him. He wasn’t going to die as a result of bleeding out because Peter had taken care of him, ensuring that his body would rejuvenate whatever blood he was going to lose.

Neal’s body was aching in such a pleasurable way that Neal honestly didn’t want Peter to stop—ever. Vincent had hurt him by pounding into him without his consent. Peter had his consent and Neal knew he could ask Peter to stop if he weren’t able to tolerate the pain. In a way, the pain he felt was dulled by the pleasure Peter was giving him.

He was so pleased with Peter’s lovemaking that he lost count of how many times he’d orgasmed after the fourth time. Peter hadn’t been kidding when he said human blood could do certain things to his body. He was incredibly warm, his cock was harder than Neal expected, and Neal couldn’t deny that he actually kind of liked tasting his own blood on Peter’s lips from time to time. He didn’t know whether or not Peter was doing that intentionally, but he also didn’t mind.

This was so unlike anything he’d ever experienced before, but that wasn’t bad. This was so much better than his past experiences. He’d been with men he had deep feelings for before, but he’d never once been sexual with anyone who loved him deeply—until now. Peter may have been slightly rough and bit him more than he expected, but Neal had no complaints. He was a willing participant with Peter, willingly allowing Peter to take as much blood from him as he needed or wanted.

As Neal was damn near exhausted and passed out beneath Peter, he could hear Peter’s breathing shift. Peter was going to orgasm soon and he needed to hold out a little longer so he could fully appreciate Peter’s orgasm.

Neal’s legs were raised and pressed against Peter’s hips, his left hand was resting on Peter’s shoulder, and his right hand was caressing the back of Peter’s head and neck simultaneously. He was playing with Peter’s hair because Peter seemed to enjoy it. Each time Neal played with Peter’s hair, Peter seemed to nuzzle the back of his head against Neal’s palm. This particular moment was no exception.

Peter didn’t need to breathe, but it seemed like he was doing it out of sheer habit. He was panting in synchronization with Neal, but Neal was making additional sounds. He was grinding his teeth together the harder Peter thrust into him until tears forced their way to his eyes and escaped by running down his cheeks. He wasn’t in unbearable pain, but he wouldn’t deny that he was in some kind of pain.

In a matter of minutes, Peter was crying out quietly and thrusting harder than he had been before until he finally came. Neal cried out loudly as the force of Peter’s orgasm shook him to his very core. It was a surprise to him, but damn did it feel good. The only reason he’d cried out was because of how sudden and powerful it was. In that moment, he realized that it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say Peter made him feel complete.

The power behind Peter’s orgasm had made Neal orgasm one more time before they were both completely worn out and unable to go on. Neal’s body was drenched in sweat, his hair was matted down onto his head, and his insides ached in a way that Neal never wanted to forget.

Peter was looking into Neal’s eyes and the tears he found there concerned him at first until Neal smiled so beautifully at him and proceeded to kiss him sweetly, giving off the aura of appreciation and eternal love. Peter was giddy simply because he hadn’t killed Neal. He’d made love to his mortal lover without accidentally taking his life and he could honestly take pride in that considering how terrified he’d been of this. “You look so damn beautiful,” Peter whispered to him. He was still inside of Neal’s body and he honestly wanted to stay right there until Neal asked him to pull out.

Neal let out a quiet laugh before responding with, “I’m a mess.”

Rolling his eyes, Peter proceeded to kiss Neal’s forehead. “My beautiful mess.”

The younger man appreciated the compliment as he draped his arms over Peter’s shoulders. “I’m sweating excessively. Aside from that, do I look okay?”

Peter shifted a little, sitting back on his knees without disconnecting their bodies. His lips parted when he noticed immediate bruising on Neal’s body—especially his hips. His thighs were also bruised as though Peter’s own movements had hurt Neal without having direct contact with Peter’s hands. He inventoried the bruises he could see and then he looked at what he’d done to Neal’s throat. Blood was still seeping out of the bitten areas and he knew that Neal was going to have to put some effort into covering these particular marks… “Neal, how are you feeling?” His voice shook, so Neal knew Peter was beginning to get upset with himself upon seeing the physical harm he’d brought to Neal’s body without intending to. Neal sighed contentedly before answering him. “I feel wonderful,” he admitted. “I feel loved and like I’m finally complete.” Peter wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to accept that, but he figured Neal was being honest with him. “The bruises and bite marks will heal. I’m not worried about them and you shouldn’t be either.” Peter wanted to object to that, but he didn’t. Instead, he rubbed Neal’s thighs lovingly. “I’ve always felt so empty with another man,” he whispered, “but you made me feel so good and I honestly believe I am complete now that we’ve mated.”

The older man couldn’t help smiling at that. “My mate,” he said softly. “I love you so very much, my beautiful, beautiful Neal.” He leaned down to kiss Neal’s soft lips and was glad Neal’s heart was racing excitedly. That was honestly the only thing Peter would miss once Neal was turned. He thoroughly enjoyed hearing Neal’s heart respond to him because he knew how Neal felt about him—not to say that he’d doubt Neal without being able to hear his beating heart…

“I love you, too,” Neal said. Peter could hear in his voice that he was very happy and that meant so much to Peter. All he’d ever wanted since meeting Neal has been to make him happy, to make him feel loved. He spent so much time imagining Neal living his life with another man, yet he was the one who was going to end up holding Neal’s heart for eternity. He didn’t know how he’d gotten so damn lucky. “What’s on your mind?” he asked as he rubbed Peter’s shoulders.

Peter shook his head while smiling. “I just don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Neal chuckled and whispered, “I’m alive because you saved my life.” Peter kissed his nose and continued smiling at him. “In a way, I suppose this is how I repay you,” he teased. “You give me life and I give you my heart.”

“I’ll take that,” he murmured.

A short while later, Peter separated their bodies and managed to get Neal up on his feet so they could shower together. Neal was a bit wobbly and unbalanced, which concerned Peter, but Neal assured him that he’d be fine. They both had to be at work in a couple of hours, so they showered and headed back to bed.

Since they’d just made love and seen each other’s nakedness, neither of them felt the need to dress themselves for sleep. Peter laid down and waited for Neal to join him. When Neal joined him in bed, he curled up against Peter and rested his head on Peter’s chest. He rubbed Peter’s stomach with his right hand until Peter rested his hand over Neal’s.

Neal glanced up to look at his lover, only to find him smiling so lovingly back at him. He shifted just enough to give Peter one last kiss before they went to sleep.

And Neal went to sleep very happily because _this_ was everything he’d ever wanted. _Peter_ is everything he’d ever wanted.


	17. Chapter 17

A few months had passed since the first time Neal and Peter made love. They’d been together for a little over a year now and there hadn’t been any additional signs linking anything to Keller since the case in which a man had been compelled by him. Things had been quiet, peaceful, and it all made Peter slightly uneasy. He hadn’t caught Keller’s scent in quite some time, but he highly doubted Keller would just give up and vanish without a trace. He wanted Neal desperately, so how could he just give up and take off?

This kept Peter up at night, even after he’d made love to his lover. Neal was always soundly and happily asleep by this point, but Peter couldn’t fall asleep. He still slept, but it was a little less than usual.

When Peter had finally frustrated himself enough and threw the blanket aside so he could sit up, twist around, and plant his feet on the floor beside the bed, he hadn’t realized that he’d immediately woken his boyfriend. Neal had been resting his head on Peter’s chest, so the sudden motion that separated them woke him. “Peter?” he whispered as he pushed himself up, propping himself up on his elbow. His brows were furrowed and he couldn’t see properly at the moment. Not only was it dark in their bedroom, but Neal was exhausted and hadn’t been expecting to wake up just yet.

“Shit,” Peter whispered as he turned to look back at Neal. “Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

The silence that ensued unnerved Neal. He reached out and touched Peter’s bare back before whispering, “Peter, what’s been bothering you?” He hadn’t failed to notice that Peter wasn’t as happy as he could be lately. He’d wondered if he’d done something wrong, but he also figured Peter wouldn’t have continued engaging in their physical and emotional intimacy if he’d caused an issue. It didn’t make him feel any better knowing that Peter had gone months without discussing whatever this particular issue was.

“Nothing,” Peter told him. He sounded apologetic, which made Neal even more sympathetic. He scooted closer and sat up a little straighter, resting his head against Peter’s back. He nuzzled his face against his bare skin and smiled a little when Peter let out a content sigh. “You certainly know how to convince me to talk to you.”

Neal kissed Peter’s skin. “You’re my lover. You can always talk to me about anything.”

Peter moved them around with his rapid speed. He’d shifted to lie down on his back while holding Neal on top of him. Once he began to stroke Neal’s hair lovingly, he nodded. “I appreciate how willing you are to always be at my side, Neal.” Neal gave him a soft smile in response while rubbing Peter’s leg with his ankle—the ankle that should have been wearing a tracking anklet. Peter continuously showed Neal how much he trusts him by releasing him from his walking prison. “I’ve had Keller on my mind frequently. I don’t understand why he hasn’t come for you yet.”

Nodding, Neal said, “Well, maybe he’s tired of waiting for you to leave me. He must realize by now that you and I are eternal mates.” He pressed gentle kisses against Peter’s lips before nuzzling their noses together. Peter slid his left hand up and down Neal’s bare back while staring up at him lovingly. “There’s no way in hell that he’s going to take me from you now.”

“I agree,” Peter whispered. “The bond between us and my feelings for you are much stronger now.” Neal had noticed. Peter seemed much more attuned to him, sensing when he was hungry and when he was aroused by the very sight of Peter. Sometimes, it seemed like Peter was very attuned to his emotions as well. Whenever Neal was frustrated, Peter was there to help him relax. When he was angry, Peter was there to calm him down. There were multiple instances in which Peter had been there right away, honestly, and Neal didn’t know how else to explain how in tune they were with each other. “I don’t go out to hunt anymore since you and I mate on a daily basis. I believe your human blood has made me stronger—because it’s human blood and the blood of my mate.”

Grinning, Neal said, “My blood belongs to you just like my heart and my body.” They’d been very careful about how often Peter fed off of him and how often his venom was in Neal’s veins. The last thing he wanted was for something to happen to Neal while his venom was in his veins. Neal would transform if he were killed or his wounds would heal if he were injured, but Peter didn’t necessarily want Neal to transform just yet. He didn’t want Neal to get hurt—period.

Peter flipped them over and inhaled Neal’s scent. “I feel like I take too much from you…”

“You don’t,” Neal admitted. “You take just enough.”

The hunger within Peter began to stir. Neal could see it and he knew he didn’t need to give Peter permission. He was more than willing to satiate Peter’s hunger with his own blood. If this came with being mated to Peter, he had no complaints. After all, he’d do anything for Peter as Peter has always done anything and everything for him. “I want you…” Peter moaned. He pressed his lips against Neal’s throat and began to mouth his skin gently until his fangs began to emerge.

Neal panted as he spread his legs, allowing Peter to settle himself down between them. “I’m yours. Take me.” He breathed heavily as Peter scraped his skin. It hadn’t been very long since they’d last made love, but Peter was motivated and aroused easily by Neal and Neal’s blood.

As per usual, Peter bit into his wrist so he could feed his venom to Neal before they got started. His venom should still be in Neal’s veins, but he wanted to be proactive and feed Neal each time they mated so he was absolutely certain that Neal wouldn’t leave him permanently.

In a matter of moments, they were mating. They’d learned how to get to this point faster even though they didn’t mind the slow foreplay that they could indulge in from time to time. Peter’s venom was racing through Neal’s veins, rejuvenating the blood he was losing as Peter sustained himself. The physical connection always seemed incredibly passionate as well.

Peter’s thrusts were always powerful, but he tried his best to make sure he didn’t hurt Neal too much. He tended to bruise Neal’s body each and every time, but he stopped getting upset with himself. Neal liked the bruises and never had a single complaint about them, so Peter figured it was in their best interest to accept Neal’s excitement when it came to being roughed up. “Neal,” he snarled as he pulled away from Neal’s throat. He smashed his lips down onto Neal’s, sharing Neal’s blood with him.

Neal gasped when Peter pulled away from him. His body ached in such a pleasant way, which he’d admitted to Peter often. “Peter,” Neal whispered as he wrapped his arms around Peter’s neck. His legs instinctively bent at Peter’s sides and crushed Peter’s body between them. In all honesty, he hoped he’d sound as feral as Peter when he joined Peter in eternity. Peter is a fierce lover, but it was obvious that he was holding back. If he unleashed the full capacity of his strength and passion, Neal was fairly certain Peter would kill him. When he joined Peter in eternity, however, he was going to make damn sure he encouraged and reciprocated his passion.

They could go for hours and they usually did. By the time they were going to get ready for work, they’d just finished mating. It was almost six o’clock in the morning now and they were still going at it. Peter bit into Neal’s throat fiercely as his hands traveled along Neal’s body—until a very loud snap made Neal cry out in agony.

Peter froze immediately. Neal was panting and letting out quiet sounds of pain beneath Peter, but he was trying so desperately to act like he wasn’t in severe pain. “What the hell did I just do to you?” Peter asked in a panic. He sat back and tried to observe Neal’s body for the source of the snap, but he couldn’t tell at a first glance. “My love, tell me where I—” Tears were sliding down the sides of Neal’s face as he twisted and grabbed at his left side. “Holy shit. Did I break your rib?” Neal shut his eyes tightly and set his jaw firmly. The last thing he wanted was for Peter to become upset with himself and prohibit any further mating.

Even though he was trying not to let Peter know how much pain he was in, he couldn’t help crying out when Peter touched him. “I’m okay. I’m okay,” he tried to plead.

“No. No, you’re not.” Peter growled angrily and bit into his wrist once again. He helped Neal get comfortable before holding his wrist out for Neal. Neal struggled for a moment, but he gripped Peter’s wrist and drank more of his venom. He took enough to replenish the blood Peter drained from him, but Peter could give him more to heal the more concerning injuries, such as a broken rib.

Both men were quiet as Neal drank Peter’s venom. Peter was still inside of Neal’s body, but he wasn’t moving in the slightest. He wanted to be sure that his lover was all right, so he focused on Neal’s face.

When Neal finally stopped crying, he opened his eyes and stared up at Peter apologetically. “I…”

Peter rested his hand over Neal’s healing rib, waiting patiently for it to heal. Neal could feel it mending quickly, so he figured Peter could feel it as well. “I’m so sorry,” Peter whispered. “I didn’t think I was putting that much pressure on your ribs.” Neal rubbed his legs against Peter’s sides, sighing quietly. “I know you forgave me already, but I feel awful. We’ve been doing this for months and I’ve never hurt you this terribly.”

“It’s all right. I’m still alive and I feel better already.” Peter held Neal’s hips carefully, as if he were afraid of breaking Neal _again._ “You’re not going to give up, are you?”

After waiting a few moments, Peter shook his head. “I love you. I need you. I’m incredibly sorry, but this is a learning experience for us both—more so for me because your body is fragile.” Neal let out a sigh of relief. He thought Peter might ask for a break given how sensitive he is to errors he makes, especially when he hurts Neal in some fashion. “If you’re still interested in mating, I don’t see why I should deny you something that pleasures us both.”

Neal lifted his left hand to run his fingers through Peter’s hair. “Of course I’m still interested,” he whispered. “If you’re afraid of hurting me again, you can always put your hands on the mattress. I know you do like touching me, but I don’t want you to get upset with yourself.” Peter nodded. He knew Neal was trying to protect his feelings, but that was because it was Neal’s way of showing his own sensitivity.

Peter pressed their lips together again and proceeded to caress Neal’s lips with his own rather slowly. He licked Neal’s lips a moment later to taste his blood again. As long as he had Neal in his life, he didn’t want to be upset with himself. Neal hadn’t gotten angry, so he knew he needed to let the issue go. If he made a problem out of something that Neal didn’t have issue with, Neal may consider leaving him. The very last thing he ever wanted to happen was for Neal to walk out of his life and never return.

Even if Neal became immortal and walked away from him, he didn’t think he could survive without Neal. He wanted to do the best he could to make Neal happy, to keep Neal in love with him. “Don’t leave me,” he whispered against Neal’s lips. He’d been thinking it and hadn’t realized he spoke aloud. He just nuzzled his face against Neal’s, so he couldn’t see the look of confusion that Neal was giving him.

“I’m yours for eternity,” Neal whispered in his ear as he stroked the back of Peter’s head gently. “Don’t you ever worry about me leaving your side.” Peter froze for a moment, finally realizing that he’d spoken aloud. “I promise I will always be here. I will always love you,” he said softly as he pressed a gentle kiss against Peter’s cheek. He smiled when Peter finally looked at him. “Eternity,” he promised.

Peter returned the smile slowly, but he returned it nonetheless. “Eternity.”

•◊•

As Neal was making dinner for himself later in the evening, he listened very carefully to his surroundings. Yes, he was in Peter’s home, but he was trying to extend his hearing. He wanted to hear what Peter could hear. The subtle sounds Peter heard intrigued him and he looked forward to that. In all honesty, he just wanted to know when Peter had come home. His tracking anklet was in his apartment at Peter’s request, but Peter would always know where he is.

He startled when a knife embedded itself into the wall beside him. He stared at it in horror before turning ever so slightly to see shattered glass on the floor due to the fact that the knife had come through the window. “Peter?” he called out, wondering if Peter were close enough to hear him. Instead of investigating, he remembered something Peter told him to do if he were alone.

Neal turned off the stove and backed away from it. He made a mad dash for the stairway because he would be safest at the central part of the house. Peter wanted him to stay away from doors and windows where he could potentially be compelled. Much to his disdain, he could hear Keller’s voice calling out for him, threatening him. “I know you’re in there, pretty boy. Don’t make me wait until your great, great grandfather returns.”

Of course Keller knew the age difference between Peter and Neal, but it seemed like he just wanted to irritate Neal. “Peter will kill you,” he hissed under his breath. “He’ll tear you to shreds and burn you.” He didn’t need to yell in return because Keller’s own hearing had intensified.

“Come to me,” Keller growled. Neal struggled for a moment, recognizing the fact that he was being compelled. He had no control over his body as it began to move down the stairway. “Let me in, my sweet Neal.” Neal tried to fight back against the compulsion, but it was far too strong for him to resist. Instead, he ended up heading back downstairs, where he proceeded to open the front door. Keller stood before him and he looked menacing. Neal had seen Peter’s hunger, but that was nothing compared to this. “Now, invite me inside.”

Neal clenched his jaw tightly in the hopes of preventing himself from inviting this monster into Peter’s home. In fact, he wondered if he even had the ability to invite Keller in since this is Peter’s home. “Come in,” he said through his teeth. He hoped beyond hope that it wouldn’t work, but Keller took a step into the house. Neal hadn’t realized just how much he and Peter shared now that they were mates. Apparently, there were no limitations to what belonged to either of them. Everything belonged to them both as mates.

In an instant, Keller slammed Neal against a wall. The wall cracked upon impact and Neal swore he’d just been given a concussion due to the force at which Keller shoved him. “You’ve eluded me for far too long,” Keller hissed. He sniffed at Neal and proceeded to cringe away from him, releasing him and shoving him to the floor simultaneously. “You smell like _him._ ” Neal stared up at the other man fearfully. He didn’t know where Peter was. The only thing he knew for certain was that Keller could kill him in an instant. “He’s totally covered your scent. You smell disgusting,” he snarled.

“Good. You aren’t attracted to him then,” Neal said sarcastically.

Keller bent down and his fingers circled around Neal’s throat tightly. “I wonder how much he’d love to have you turned into one of us,” he whispered. “The transformation is agonizing and you know how much I love to see you in pain.” Neal was gasping for breath as Keller continued to tighten his fingers around his throat. “I would prefer to drink from you a little longer, but his venom needs to drain soon. His scent repulses me.”

Before Neal even knew what was happening, Keller was gone and a loud crash sounded off to his left. He was gasping and scrambling to get away now that he was freed, but he could almost sense Peter chasing Keller down. The wall had been broken through. Keller hadn’t done that, but Peter would have. He felt like his throat had been crushed just a little by Keller’s grip, but he could also feel Peter’s venom healing him.

Within a matter of seconds, Peter had returned. He was on his knees beside Neal, touching every part of him to make sure he was all right. “You’re still human,” Peter whispered, sounding beyond relieved by the fact that Keller hadn’t taken advantage of Peter’s venom in his veins. “I uninvited him when I thrust him out. You’ll be safe now.” He pulled Neal into his arms, held him lovingly, and kissed his hair. Neal could tell how grateful Peter was to have returned just in time. Keller could have easily killed him and transformed him, but Peter prevented that. “God. I am so sorry for leaving you here alone.”

Neal shook his head as he was breathing heavily. “I don’t blame you,” he whispered. “You didn’t know he’d take advantage of the opportunity.”

Peter began to rock him as though he were a child. In all honesty, he didn’t mind. It showed him just how afraid Peter is of losing him. “I’ll make sure he never attempts this again,” Peter vowed to him. Neal didn’t exactly know how Peter could prevent this. If Keller wanted him badly enough, Keller would find a way to get to him…

“If he wants me, you know he’ll do whatever he can to get to me,” Neal said sadly. “I can’t resist compulsion even if I’m upstairs and he’s yelling from the window he broke.” Peter was giving him a strange look, so Neal became a little worried. “What’s that look for?”

Peter hesitated, but then he nodded. “I recently discovered a way to prevent further compulsion—from myself by accident as well as by any other vampires you may encounter.” Neal looked delighted by that, but something felt a little off. “There’s just…” He sighed. “There’s a certain way I want to present this to you.”

Neal looked up at him curiously. “You know I won’t stop you.”

The older man hesitated once again. “In your opinion, is there such a thing as ‘moving too fast’ in a relationship?” Neal raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I… Neal, I’m fairly old-fashioned about things. Of course I’ve adapted to modern day relationship expectations by making love with you before we’ve made a deeper commitment to each other, but there are some things I wish to experience with you in the right way at the right time.” He swallowed hard despite the fact that he didn’t need to swallow. He was clearly nervous and Neal could recognize that immediately.

“Peter,” he whispered.

In a split second, Peter had gotten himself and Neal to their feet. He stood in front of Neal and held his hands lovingly before kissing his forehead. “I’ve bound myself to you for eternity,” Peter said softly. “My heart belongs to you and I will do anything and everything within my power to keep you happy, my love.” Neal gave him a small smile. He didn’t know where Peter was going this, but he did like it. “You are my beautiful mate and I could never ask for anyone better. Your past has made me love and appreciate you all the more. While I am not perfect, I value the love you have given me.” He sighed contentedly before closing his eyes. When he opened his eyes, he released Neal’s hands with his left hand and reached into his pocket. He slowly brought his hand back into Neal’s view. In his hand was a small, black box. “Neal,” he whispered as he dropped down onto one knee while holding Neal’s hand in his right. Somewhat to his surprise, Neal’s lips parted and he gasped. He was able to open the small box without releasing Neal’s hand, so he made sure he rubbed his thumb over Neal’s skin to relax him—not that he thought Neal needed to be relaxed. “Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Tears welled up in Neal’s eyes then. He truly hadn’t been expecting this from Peter, but it meant so much to him all the same. The only problem was that he is still Peter’s criminal informant and would be for a few more years as long as he stayed on the same track he’s been on since Peter allowed him to work off his sentence. “Yes,” he managed to stammer after a few moments of silence. He didn’t have to think about whether or not he’d accept Peter’s proposal because there was no doubt or question in his mind about Peter’s commitment to him.

It seemed like Peter hadn’t been expecting him to answer the way he did, but he was overjoyed as well. He rose to his feet, took the ring out of the box, and delighted in the fact that Neal put his left hand out so Peter could slide the ring onto his ring finger. Once the ring was on his finger, he threw his arms around Peter’s neck and initiated a very passionate kiss. Peter, excited by Neal, circled his arms around Neal’s waist tightly enough to hold him without harming him. He lifted Neal just a little bit off of the ground and spun him around without breaking their kiss.

Peter set him down on his feet a few seconds later, but Neal held onto Peter tightly—as if he never, ever wanted to let Peter go. They parted so Neal could breathe, even though Neal’s breathing was very shaky. “While I absolutely meant everything I said as well as my proposal to you, this ring will prevent Keller from compelling you as long as you wear it.” Neal nodded against Peter’s shoulder and cried tears of joy. He felt a little embarrassed by the fact that he was crying, but how could he not get emotional after his lover asked him to marry him? “I love you so much, my beautiful Neal.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss against Peter’s neck. “I love you so much. There’s no one else I could ever love the way I love you.” Peter smiled to himself as he began to rub Neal’s back soothingly. He could hear Neal sniffling quietly, but he didn’t mind. In the past, his heart had broken when Neal cried. As of this moment, he was glad Neal was acting this emotional. “You make me so happy…”

After kissing Neal’s cheek, he nuzzled their faces together gently. “I was never this happy before you came into my life,” he told his lover honestly. “I’ve waited more than a century for you and now I have you. I’ll always have you.”

“Always,” Neal promised him. He lifted his left hand just enough so that he could look at the engagement ring on his finger. It was a simple white gold ring with his birthstone on it, but he loved it. It was a materialistic way in which Peter showed him he wants to be with him in the long term. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Peter’s neck and whispered, “Thank you so much.”

Peter chuckled quietly. “Don’t thank me, love. You’re everything to me and I want you to know that.”

Neal let out a quiet laugh himself. “How could I possibly forget?” He straightened up and blinked away the wetness in his eyes even as some tears continued to slowly slide themselves down his cheeks. “There hasn’t been a moment when I questioned the way you feel about me. I know you’re sincere. I know you won’t hurt me. I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone.”

Neal’s arms were still around Peter’s neck, but Peter released Neal’s midsection and proceeded to lift his hands so he could wipe away Neal’s tears. “I would never dream of making you regret the trust you’ve placed in me.” Neal smiled at him so happily. His eyes lit up and his heart was pounding in his chest excitedly. Peter loved that he could both see and hear his lover’s happiness. “I’ll keep you safe, my darling, and I will never stop loving you.”

Peter caressed Neal’s cheeks while staring into his eyes. Even though a few tears still managed to make their way down Neal’s face, he loved this man more than anything. Neal was beyond happy, beyond grateful, simply because of the fact that Peter wants to spend his life with him. Although, their lives would never really be over. As he’d promised before, he whispered, “Eternity.” He didn’t have to say anything else aside from that.

Nodding, the older man whispered in return, “Eternity, my love.” He gently guided their faces together and pressed his lips against Neal’s. Their lips moved in synchronization and neither of them wanted the kiss to end. If not for Neal’s need to breathe, they were both fairly certain that they could kiss endlessly.

Once Neal had joined him in immortality, he planned on kissing Neal as long as he could. There was nothing he wanted more than to give his love to Neal in the form of kissing, hugging, lovemaking, et cetera…

And Neal was giving him eternity to do all of that and more.


	18. Chapter 18

Although Neal wished he could wear his engagement ring out in public, he knew this needed to be kept quiet. As far as anyone knew, he was still single and not dating the man who both put him in and took him out of prison. He wasn’t going to completely hide the fact that Peter proposed to him though. After a short talk with Peter, they compromised a bit and decided that he would wear it on a chain as a necklace for the time being.

They’d tested whether or not wearing it as a necklace would help Neal resist compulsion and, fortunately, it seemed to work. Neal hadn’t been compelled by Peter when they’d tried it. That elated Peter beyond words because he knew Neal would be safer now.

Unfortunately, things seemed to get a little out of hand during the day. Peter, considering how sensitive his hearing is, could hear that someone had gotten a very, very bad snippet of information. Thus far, this information was considered a rumor, but he couldn’t help feeling a little anxious when he heard Reese talking to someone on the phone. It sounded like one of the big wigs from DC. In and of itself, that was not a good sign.

Glancing out into the bullpen where Neal was working, he began to feel as if something horrible were about to happen to his mate. Well, Neal wouldn’t be blamed for any of this. In fact, he himself would be. Someone had tipped his superiors off about his relationship with Neal, so now there was an investigation going on behind the scenes. He wasn’t supposed to be made aware of it just yet, but no one knew he could hear much more than mortals can.

While staring out at Neal, his heart—despite being frozen—was breaking. Their relationship was being questioned by Reese and his superiors down in DC, which essentially meant they believed Neal had been victimized. He’d hoped Reese would have more faith in him than that, but that apparently wasn’t the case. Granted, he had feelings for Neal, they’re in a relationship, they’ve mated, and he’d only recently proposed to Neal, but all of this was beyond inappropriate. He didn’t know what would happen to Neal if they were exposed.

Almost as if Neal had a sixth sense, he paused in his work and slowly glanced in Peter’s direction. His brows were furrowed as if he were completely aware that something was bothering Peter. Without even being told to come to him, Peter appreciated that Neal made that decision for himself. Neal didn’t act victimized, but there was speculation that Neal was being threatened unless he acted as though everything were perfectly normal.

“Shut the door,” Peter whispered once Neal had entered his office.

Neal nodded, shut the door, and turned to face the older man concernedly. “What’s wrong?” Peter was looking at him so sadly… “Peter, what is it?”

“They know.”

Neal’s lips parted and his eyes widened. “I swear I didn’t—”

“I know, my love,” he said immediately. “I know you wouldn’t tell them. I know how you feel about me, sweetheart.” Neal let out a sigh of relief. He’d believed for a split second that Peter thought he’d revealed their relationship to someone within the bureau. “I’m not sure about what’ll happen to you, Neal. This isn’t good for me at this moment in time, however.”

“They won’t do a damn thing to you.” His voice was firm, as if he were planning on protecting Peter himself. “You haven’t taken advantage of me, so there’s no basis for this kind of—”

The door opened suddenly and both men glanced in its direction. Reese was standing there, focused on Neal. “Caffrey, can you spare a few minutes?”

Neal didn’t hesitate to nod. He followed Reese as Reese led him out of Peter’s office, but not before he glanced over his shoulder at Peter. He wanted to make it very clear that he wasn’t going to turn on him. They were in this together as consenting adults and he wanted nothing more than to be with Peter forever. “Can I ask what this is about?” he asked as he was led towards the interrogation room. He figured this had to do with their idea that Peter was harming him and or threatening him into a relationship.

He wasn’t given an answer until they were in the interrogation room and Reese gestured towards the seat near the microphone. “Take a seat.” Neal did as he was asked and made sure he didn’t take his eyes off of the other man. He had no reason to be nervous. Peter wasn’t hurting him in any way that he didn’t enjoy. Yes, their sex was slightly painful, but he did enjoy it. Peter didn’t intentionally harm him—nor did he ever threaten him. “If you had to describe your…relationship with Agent Burke, how would you go about doing so?”

Pretending to look confused, he answered, “I would say we work well together. He treats me with the same respect as his coworkers even though I’m a criminal.” The ring beneath his dress shirt made his skin heat up. “He’s certainly made this interesting.”

“Interesting in what way?”

Neal shrugged. “I guess I just never saw myself working on this side of the law. It doesn’t seem like such a terrible route to take in life.”

Reese let out a sound of discontent, making it seem as if he weren’t interested in keeping Neal around the bureau in the long term. “I’ve checked your tracking data.” Neal nodded calmly. “You’ve been spending quite a bit of time at Agent Burke’s home.”

“Yes,” he admitted. It was better to be honest and upfront about that. There was no denying that he’d been with Peter quite a bit and the majority of his time was usually spent overnight, which was obviously concerning. “I’ve gone over to his place to work on some cases with him when I have a hard time getting myself to sleep. My mind keeps working and I know he’s got his work on his mind more than anything else.”

“While you’re alone with Agent Burke, have you been threatened by him?”

Neal looked considerably confused. This wasn’t an unexpected line of questioning for him, but he wanted to act as if he had no idea why he was questioning him about Peter in this fashion. “Threatened? Why would he threaten me?”

“I’ve been told that Agent Burke has violated you.” Neal’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened. “I wasn’t told how many times, but my source said he’s taken advantage of you repeatedly.” Neal hadn’t been expecting this particular angle. Who the hell would be able to provide any kind of significant evidence to suggest that Peter had violated him? “Is there any truth to this claim?”

“Absolutely not,” Neal said firmly. “He’s never—”

Reese suddenly placed a recording device on the table in front of Neal. “Press the play button.”

Neal swallowed, but he did as he was told once again. He was trying to play along and not make it seem like Peter had an intimate relationship with him. Well, he didn’t want Reese thinking Peter had done such a terrible thing to him.

Upon hitting the play button as he was instructed, he could hear himself breathing heavily. He was panting and Peter was grunting. It was so damn obvious that he and Peter were the two participants in this sound-only recording. After all, Peter was growling Neal’s name. The voice was undoubtedly Peter. There was no way in hell he could deny that Peter was the other man. “ _I love you so much,_ ” Peter whispered moments before the sounds of the two of them kissing became the focus.

Neal made a slight sound of pain in the recording that made Neal cringe in front of Reese. No wonder he honestly believed Peter had hurt him like this. He’d think Peter violated him if all he had was audio such as this for proof. He whispered his own love for Peter in return before crying out. Again, Neal cringed. This sounded so awful on its own. Had there been a visual supplement, Neal was fairly certain that it’d be easy to see how passionate they were.

Reese made the recording stop and raised an eyebrow at Neal. “Now, would you like to tell me what started this?”

All Neal could do was gape at the other man. He didn’t know how to explain this without making things worse. It was bad enough that Reese had damning audio that suggested Peter was sexually assaulting him. He closed his mouth and swallowed hard before saying, “That is not what it sounds like.”

Before Reese could say anything else, Peter appeared behind him and immediately compelled him with, “You will not remember ever hearing this recording or having this discussion.” He’d snarled it, so Neal knew Peter wasn’t messing around. “Go back to your office and tell the men in DC that this claim was false—and then forget you ever heard the claim.”

Within moments, Reese was doing just that. He left the two men alone with the recording in the interrogation room. Neal stared up at Peter exasperatedly. He was so worried now. Someone heard their intimacy and had recorded it as if they were right there in the room with them. “How?” was all he managed to croak out.

“I’m going to find out,” Peter told him. He grabbed the recording and crushed it immediately, startling Neal for a split second. “I refuse to let anyone believe I’ve raped you.” Neal nodded slowly. Peter kept his eyes on Neal and suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of dread coming on. “Neal?”

Neal shoved his chair back and immediately rushed over to Peter, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Peter slid his own arms around Neal comfortingly. “You’re not that kind of man,” he whispered. “How could anyone think otherwise?”

Peter kissed Neal’s hair, whispering, “It doesn’t matter. I won’t let anyone hurt us.” He kissed Neal’s temple next before retracting his left arm so he could use his left hand to touch the ring he could feel beneath Neal’s shirt. “I love you with all of my heart and you know that. I would never, ever do anything to make you feel unloved or abused.”

“I know,” Neal said sincerely as he looked up at Peter’s face, staring into his chocolaty eyes. “Peter, do you think it’s time for us to fake my death?” Peter’s brows furrowed. “They’ve gotten this close to us. We should… We should leave.”

“You’re saying you want me to turn you?”

Neal nodded. “I’ll give you my blood before we—”

Peter shook his head. “There’s no need to store your blood,” Peter told him. “I’ve tasted your blood and your venom will sustain me. According to what I’ve learned recently, my venom will sustain you since you, as a mortal, have been fed enough of it to successfully replenish the blood I’ve taken from you.” Neal found that quite interesting. “I will still take you hunting because I know you’re curious about it, but there won’t be a need to hunt once you’ve joined me in immortality. We’ve officially mated and are now able to take care of each other’s needs.”

“For the time being then,” Neal said apologetically, “I need you to take care of this microphone’s recording.” Peter’s eyes widened. He’d completely forgotten about that, but he also knew how to make it disappear without too much effort…He could do a lot of things to take care of Neal without putting a whole lot of effort into it.

•◊•

Neal sat on his bed in his apartment with his knees pulled up to his chest. Peter had escorted him home before taking off to compel anyone else who knew about their relationship so they would forget about it. He figured he could’ve done it over the phone, but doing it in person seemed to work better because he could see in their eyes that they’d been successfully compelled.

He played with his engagement ring subconsciously. It made him love Peter so much more. It also made him reflect on his relationship with Peter in general. He could vividly remember the house fire that Peter had saved him from so long ago. He remembered feeling so frightened by the thought that no one was going to save him, that he was going to die alone. He’d felt so warm and that terrified him. One of the worst ways to go would be burning to death. He used to have nightmares about that even though he’d been saved. He’d had temporary problems in the aftermath, but nothing had been as horrible as the nightmares that persisted for several years after the incident.

Shuddering, he shook himself out of that train of thought. There were two paths he didn’t want to travel and that was one of them. He is alive and well and he has Peter to thank for that. Had Peter not charged to the rescue, he knew he would’ve burned to death.

“Damn it!” he growled in frustration. He’d just gone right back to the topic he wanted to cut off. He shut his eyes tightly and wished he could stop himself. Where the hell were all of these negative feelings coming from? Why were his fears suddenly resurfacing like this? “You’re alive. You’re loved. You’re okay.” He’d been a little traumatized as time went on after the very last time he saw Peter when he was younger. Fire frightened him. Fire alarms at school terrified him.

He kept repeating to himself that he’s alive, loved, and okay because that had been something his mother told him when he was struggling with his fears. Even after he’d been hurt by Vincent, he’d said the same three phrases. It got him through a lot and he figured it’d get him through this now.

Without even opening his eyes, he knew when he wasn’t alone in the bedroom anymore. He relaxed as gentle hands caressed the sides of his face lovingly. “Are you okay?” Neal slowly opened his eyes and stared into the eyes of his lover. He gave Peter a sad smile, but he didn’t verbally respond. That concerned Peter because, as far as he knew, everything was all right now. The ring would prevent Neal from being compelled, he’d compelled all of the higher ups in the bureau to forget that they’d discovered their relationship, and Keller hasn’t resurfaced yet. “I’m here if you want to talk to me about anything, my love.”

“It’s nothing,” Neal whispered. Peter looked at him skeptically. He could see right through Neal’s attempt to tell him he was fine. “It’s just pieces of my past.” Now Peter looked like he believed that and he looked sympathetic. He stroked Neal’s cheekbones while waiting for Neal to feel comfortable opening up about whatever it was that was troubling him. “For once, Vincent isn’t responsible.”

Peter’s brows furrowed. “He’s not?”

Neal shook his head. “Did you know that I was in therapy for a while after the fire?” Peter looked confused, like he was wondering why he didn’t realize that. Neal sighed quietly. “As I got a little older, some things triggered my memory of being in the house while it was burning. Fire drills made it difficult to forget that I nearly lost my life in that fire.” Peter nodded and immediately slid his arms around Neal when Neal leaned closer to him. “I’ve been grateful to you since that day, but I honestly thought I’d never see you again.” He loved the fact that Peter began to stroke his hair. His mother had done just that whenever he’d had a breakdown or anxiety attack. “Dying in a fire has been my worst nightmare since then.”

“I understand, my love,” Peter assured him. “You have every right to feel like this. It’s not weak or pathetic.” Neal smiled a little to himself because he truly appreciated that Peter seemed to know what he was thinking without saying it aloud. “I remember how frightened you were when I found you, so it does make sense that fire would traumatize you.”

“I’m fine until I think about it.”

To be completely honest, Neal half-expected Peter to tell him not to think about it. “I don’t think you’ll ever stop thinking about it,” Peter told him. “It’s as traumatic to you as the trauma Vincent inflicted upon you.” He kissed Neal’s hair and whispered, “The only difference is that you don’t have to be alone with either of these traumas now that I’m here.” Neal nodded because he agreed with Peter on that. It was obvious that Peter would always be right here to listen to him if he needed to talk. “Did you ever effectively open up to your therapist about this?”

Neal hesitated before admitting, “No. I gave her a bunch of bullshit about being upset that I lost some of my favorite toys.” He nuzzled his face against Peter’s shoulder, sighing quietly a moment later. “I didn’t want to be thought of as weak, but she needed something from me in order to think I was making some progress.”

“Well,” Peter said softly, “I’m not going to accept that kind of bullshit from you. You have nothing to hide from me nor do you ever need to worry about anything you do or say to me.” Neal blinked a few times as he felt tears forming in his eyes. This was one thing he wished he had a long time ago. “If something hurts you emotionally, I want to know, Neal. I’m here and I will always listen to you without judging you.” Peter squeezed Neal gently when he felt a little bit of wetness on his shoulder, followed by a quiet gasp from his lover. “Whether it’s about the fire or about Vincent or _whatever,_ I will always listen to you because you are important to me.” Peter rocked him a little when he finally let go. He’d been holding back emotionally and Peter knew it. He knew Neal wanted to be strong about this, but… Sometimes, he didn’t want to be strong—nor did he need to. Neal, for all intents and purposes, sobbed against him.

Peter didn’t say anything else because he told Neal everything he wanted Neal to know and essentially everything Neal already knew. “I love you so much,” Neal gasped against his lover. “I’m so thankful for you.” Peter chuckled as he kissed Neal’s hair again. When Neal heard him chuckle, he pulled back and straightened up a little. “I mean that. I never had a lover like you before. I never had anyone who said they’d be here or someone who actually encouraged me to be so open with my feelings.”

Neal appreciated the fact that Peter framed the sides of his face before leaning forward to kiss him sweetly. “I’m yours for eternity. We’re mates and there’s absolutely no reason for you to feel the need to hold anything back from me.” Neal smiled at him even though his eyes were still watering. “You’re everything to me, my beautiful love.”

•◊•

Peter watched Neal sleep after they’d made love. He appreciated how open Neal had been with him because Neal had felt for the longest time that he needed to keep things to himself. In time, he hoped Neal would realize there was absolutely no need to suffer in silence.

As he stared at his lover longingly, he imagined not being able to hear Neal’s heartbeat ever again. Since they’d gotten together and decided that they were sincere about their relationship, they’d discussed how Neal could get out of serving the remainder of his sentence and how they could live immortally together.

Faking Neal’s death was the easiest way to go about doing all of this. They already had an idea of how they were going to do it, but it was all a matter of timing. Neal could still live as a mortal as long as he desired, but his life was also in danger. Keller hungers for Neal’s blood and had come far too close on occasion. Now, they had someone revealing their relationship to the bureau. If they didn’t want to be questioned anymore, they’d have to put their plan into play relatively soon.

Sighing, Peter shook his head. He hadn’t meant to bring Neal’s mortal life to an end so soon, but he supposed it couldn’t be avoided unless he decided to go back on his promise to Neal that he’d never compel him. He could easily compel Neal to forget about him, to forget that they’d ever met…

The very thought of doing that hurt Peter a great deal. There had been a time when the idea of living without Felix killed him inside, but he’d gotten over Felix because Felix hadn’t been meant for him. Neal though… Neal is his soulmate, his mate in general. The idea of never seeing, kissing, touching, or making love to Neal again made his insides freeze more than they already had. He didn’t think he could go on living his life this way if he lost Neal forever.

Shutting his eyes, the older man twisted to lie on his side, pressing his front against his lover’s back. He slid his arm over Neal’s midsection and held him close while breathing in his scent. He couldn’t imagine losing Neal now that he’d finally had the opportunity to love him. He’d waited so long…

Neal’s hand shifted to rest atop Peter’s own a few moments later and he twisted a little to look up at Peter’s face over his shoulder. “You okay?” Peter kissed his shoulder, but that wasn’t an answer. Neal was tired and his body was pleasantly sore, so he didn’t want to move around all that much.

“Just thinking,” Peter told him. He rubbed Neal’s abdomen lovingly, tracing his muscles a few moments later. While Peter wished Neal would wait a little longer before joining him in immortality, he did like the idea that Neal’s body would be eternally glorious. “It’s nothing to worry about, my love. I’m just thinking about spending eternity with you.” Neal smiled a bit as he relaxed and laid back down.

Neal still held Peter’s hand against him as he asked, “Does that mean you’re planning on turning me soon?”

Peter chuckled. “Perhaps,” he whispered. Neal let out a small, quiet laugh of his own. They laid together quietly for some time thereafter and Peter wondered why Neal wasn’t going back to sleep just yet. He could tell that Neal was awake because of the way his heart sounds. “Love?”

“I’m all right,” Neal said immediately. “Just listening to you breathe behind me.” Peter smiled a bit. He didn’t have to breathe, but it was habit due to how much time he spent around humans. “I like how warm you feel, too. It’s nothing like the iciness Bella had to lie next to…”

Peter couldn’t resist laughing a little louder at that. He loved when Neal made comparisons to their romance and _Twilight._ Things were so different in the books than they were in reality. Yes, he still bruised Neal every single time they made love, but he couldn’t get Neal pregnant even if Neal were female. It just wasn’t possible. He could also share his venom with Neal without immediately turning him. Granted, the one thing that was similar in that aspect was that the transformation would be painful, but at least he would be by Neal’s side to control any brutal muscle spasms or loss of control Neal would experience.

He could remember transforming all alone in a dark alley—not knowing what was happening to him or why. It was incredibly painful to the point where he felt like he was physically on fire, but he’d had no one at his side in the beginning to comfort him and protect him. Neal would have his support through the entirety of his transformation.

When the transformation was complete, Peter knew Neal was be hungry, so he would need to be right beside him to immediately feed him some of his own venom. Assuming all went well, they’d be in a safe area all by themselves. No one else would be hurt nor would anything by destroyed. They would be together and he could guide Neal through the early stages of his transformation. He’d have to be very careful though. Neal would be very strong for a short time after becoming a vampire, so Peter needed to make sure Neal didn’t hurt _him._

“I’m actually a little excited,” Peter admitted. “I won’t have to restrain myself while making love to you once you’re as immortal as I am.” Neal turned over to lie face to face with him. Peter enjoyed the way Neal smiled at him. He looked thoroughly pleased by the idea of having incredibly passionate, unbridled sex with him. “Things will be so much easier for the both of us once you’re a vampire as well.”

Neal knew that—for obvious reasons. Peter wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally killing him anymore nor would he suffer while trying to refrain from taking Neal’s blood whenever he pleased simply because Neal was fragile. “Soon,” Neal promised him. “Soon, I’ll be just like you. We’ll be able to run away together, marry, and then spend the rest of eternity together.” Peter smiled in return and nodded. Both men liked the idea of being together forever as well as the idea of getting married. Since Peter had proposed, getting married felt like more than just an idea. Since they’d mated, being together forever was no longer just an idea.

“I’m looking forward to calling you my Neal George Burke for eternity,” Peter whispered. “We can live our lives together in peace. No one will harm us and there will be no reason for us to interact with the mortal realm.” Neal chuckled. “I know,” Peter teased him. “I wouldn’t have met you had I chosen to avoid interacting with mortals, but I have you now and I’ll have you forever. I have no desire to be around humans anymore.”

Even though Neal was exhausted, he smirked and managed to shove Peter onto his back before crawling on top of him. He stared down at Peter lovingly and whispered, “Good, because I have the feeling my jealousy would be intensified once you turn me.” Peter grinned as Neal began to lean down towards him for a gentle kiss. He slid his arms around Neal, gliding his hands up and down Neal’s back slowly. “You’re _my_ mate,” Neal whispered fiercely against his lips.

If Peter wanted to be extremely honest with himself, he couldn’t wait for Neal to turn because he knew how primal Neal’s instincts would be in the beginning. He’d done terrible things when he himself had initially turned, but he would be there to sustain Neal’s needs. Neal would be incredibly hungry, but not necessarily for blood or venom. His sex drive would intensify for a short time and Peter was more than happy to offer himself to Neal. Hell, he looked forward to that part—after explaining all of this to Neal, of course. He hadn’t had a sexual partner to make fierce love with in the beginning. It’d probably be the best sex he and Neal would ever have—not to say that any sex thereafter would be bad, but… Well, he could be wrong nonetheless. Neal’s body would be a hell of a lot less fragile very soon.

“I belong to you,” Peter told him as he began to kiss Peter’s throat. Peter actually liked seeing Neal like this. It was very rare and Peter didn’t blame him for how rare it was for Neal to take some semblance of control in the bedroom. After all, he’d been used and abused far too much for his liking in the past. Obviously, he felt very comfortable with Peter—comfortable enough to return the love Peter had given him up to this point.

Neal had no fangs as of this moment, but he was kissing Peter’s throat lovingly while occasionally scraping his teeth along Peter’s skin—as if he were mimicking Peter’s actions just before Peter began to drink his blood. The very thought of Neal doing this to drink his venom in the future turned Peter on a great deal, which surprised him because he thought only Neal’s blood could do that for him physically.

Apparently, that wasn’t the case. It was just Neal in general.

“Yes. Yes, you do,” Neal confirmed as he slid up to Peter’s jaw and gently nibbled along his jaw line. “My Peter. My love. My mate.”

Peter kept rubbing Neal’s back as Neal teased him with kisses. It seemed like he was practicing with Peter, taking on a more dominating role than he usually did in bed.

To be completely honest, Peter would love to see that side of Neal in action.

He hoped to see every side of Neal that Neal had to offer, even if it took eternity for him to bring out each and every little piece of Neal that Neal had suppressed due to his sexually abusive past. Their future had a much brighter outlook cast upon it, so he hoped Neal would let down every single wall he’d ever thrown up. He was opening up about his past fears, some of his trauma, and some other things, but there was still so much more lying beneath the surface that Neal had yet to reveal to him.

They had all the time in the world to bring out every bit of Neal’s being.


	19. Chapter 19

Neal followed Peter into a forest several weeks later because his curiosity had been piqued by the older man. Peter brought up the idea of showing him how to hunt before turning him into a vampire and he wasn’t going to turn that down. They’d ditched his tracking anklet in his apartment and then Peter took him a distance from home. “This is actually pretty beautiful,” Neal admitted. He was holding Peter’s hand as they walked along together—walking because Peter knew Neal wanted to enjoy the scenery. “I don’t know why, but I imagined some bleak areas for hunting considering you don’t enjoy being immortal.”

“Well, this is one of the places I’ve gone to hunt. I took you out to my cabin once before because that’s my favorite spot.” He glanced at Neal before saying, “I do enjoy my immortality now that you’re in my life.” Neal looked up at him and smiled. “Until I began to sustain my hunger with your blood, this was all I had. Once you’ve turned, your venom should work just as well.”

“I’m curious,” Neal began. “How did you find this bit of information out?”

Peter shrugged. “Elizabeth.” Neal wondered where Elizabeth had been lately. “She meets with our council in Italy because she knows I can’t fucking stand them. They’ve told her that they recently discovered this was possible because one of them turned a lover and tried it out, so they’ve passed their wisdom on to us.”

Neal raised an eyebrow. “Council in Italy?”

“They’re what I call our ‘originals.’ The council is called the Illuminatis and they remain hidden. If you read the second book or watched the second movie in the _Twilight_ series, they’re equivalent to the Volturi.” Neal nodded in response because he understood the reference better. “They tried to kill me after I was transformed. If not for El, I wouldn’t be alive—in a manner of speaking—right now.”

Staring up at Peter, Neal was horrified by the very idea that Peter wouldn’t be here with him had things been different. Then again, he himself wouldn’t be here either. Peter is the reason he’s alive right now because Peter pulled him out of his burning home. “Why did they try to kill you?” he asked after swallowing down the pain he felt inside for a few moments.

Peter paused for a minute and all Neal did was watch his face. “My early days were not my best days. I’m not proud of the things I did to survive,” he whispered. “I don’t believe I mentioned that I resisted Elizabeth at first. She has always been so kind to me and supportive of me, but there was a time when I was consumed by my bloodlust—quite literally.” Neal could see the regret in his lover’s eyes before they closed. “I killed so many innocent people and I could have exposed our kind to the mortal world due to my own recklessness.”

“It’s so hard to believe you when you tell me about things like this because I know you’re incredibly sweet, loving, and protective.” Peter didn’t open his eyes, but he smiled faintly. “I don’t know how it feels to thirst for blood nor do I know what it’s like to have all of these temptations around me.” He shifted around to stand in front of Peter and took Peter’s other hand in his free hand. “But you’ve changed. You’re a good person now.” He squeezed Peter’s hands as Peter opened his eyes, meeting Neal’s a moment later. Neal saw the gratitude in his expression. “You’re not a monster. You’re my Peter.”

Chuckling, the older man shook his head. “This is one of the many things I love about you,” Peter told him. “You know how to make me happy.”

Neal grinned at him. “Well, I damn well should after you spent so many years in misery while you made me the happiest man alive.” He let go of Peter’s hands and shifted his own to rest them on Peter’s chest lovingly. “I won’t resist you when I’ve turned. I want to be with you forever and I won’t risk exposing us.” He was rubbing Peter’s chest slowly, which made both men feel better. Peter liked being touched by Neal and Neal liked touching Peter. It felt so right and comforting. “I promise I’ll listen to you and do as you ask of me.”

Peter smiled at him a little more warmly now. “My beautiful angel,” he whispered, lifting his left hand to caress Neal’s cheek. His eyes seemed to light up as he looked at Neal’s face. Sighing he added just as quietly, “I never truly believed religiously in a higher being, but I have since I met you.” Neal blushed immensely. “I’ve been blessed with the man I’ve waited so long for.” He leaned closer, pressed his lips against Neal’s, and slid his right arm around Neal’s waist while resting his left hand on Neal’s shoulder. “I will tell you for the rest of eternity just how blessed I am.”

“You’re just saying that because I give you blood,” Neal teased him.

Peter snorted and rolled his eyes. “Way to kill the mood, sweetheart.” Neal kept grinning at the older man as both of Peter’s arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him close. “Now, let me show you how to hunt…”

Neal let out a joyful laugh as Peter kissed him. He knew Peter would show him how to hunt as a vampire, but this was his way of saying he’d hunted Neal and continued to do so with his loving kisses. In all honesty, that made Neal incredibly happy.

•◊•

Neal laid awake for quite some time after he and Peter made love later that evening. As much as he enjoyed making love with Peter, tonight was just one of those nights that emotionally destroyed him—and not because of anything Peter had or hadn’t done. He could feel the venom flooding through his veins, replenishing the blood he’d lost and repairing areas that had been accidentally hurt by Peter, but not even venom could heal the deep despair that would forever haunt him.

Several years ago on this date, Vincent had discovered Neal’s con and proceeded to rape him for the very first time. That was the second time he’d felt so helpless and afraid, with the first time being the day he’d been trapped inside of his home while it was on fire. He’d cried out for help when his house had been burning, but he couldn’t cry out for help when Vincent violated his body for the first time.

He could remember being so stunned by Vincent’s behavior even though it’d hurt so much and made him so afraid of the other man who’d easily overwhelmed him. Vincent was the first and last person gave his heart to prior to Peter entering his life as his mystery lover. It hurt so much when he thought back to his relationship with Vincent because he knew he could’ve run away from the older man instead of allowing himself to continuously be hurt by him, but he’d been blindly in love with him.

Vincent hadn’t deserved neither his love nor his devotion…

Glancing to his left, he watched Peter sleep beside him. He wished he could be asleep as well, but he’d gotten himself too worked up during their lovemaking earlier. Peter deserves his love and devotion, but that didn’t mean his fears and past had been erased. Peter couldn’t change the past nor could he change the way Neal felt on this particular day, even if he and Peter were intimate and he knew Peter was his partner in the act.

Staring up at Peter earlier had tormented him because he could see Vincent above him instead, but he would never tell Peter that. The very last thing Peter wanted to hear was his name compared to Vincent in this context. If he knew he’d frightened Neal earlier… Well, perhaps Neal should have spoken up and voiced his fears. Peter is his mate after all. Why should he keep this from Peter?

Well, that answer was also simple. He kept this from Peter because he didn’t want to continue admitting to a weakness he thought he was getting past. If he kept lowering himself to the man he’d been when he was with Vincent, he honestly believed he would become him again. He honestly believed Peter would become Vincent, too.

Horrors flashed in front of him as he thought about Peter becoming an abuser, a rapist.

Shuddering, he quickly rolled out of bed. He didn’t enjoy the cold sweat he’d elicited from himself. Peter hadn’t done anything to deserve these horrific thoughts Neal was thinking about him.

Neal dressed himself and decided he needed to do something to help himself get through this without completely ignoring it. He needed to face it head-on…

Borrowing Peter’s car, he drove himself to the location Peter had killed Vincent at. It was still considered a crime scene and he was, technically, not allowed to drive, so he kept his distance, but he could see the location from afar. He could see bloodstains from afar.

No one in the public ever found out what happened to Vincent, but his remains had eventually been recovered and identified, so his family gave him a ‘proper’ burial. Despite being as mangled up as he had been, Vincent’s family gave him a final resting place. And, despite Neal being one of his victims, he ended up in a cemetery not too long thereafter.

It hadn’t taken him a terribly long time to find the headstone that belonged to his ex-boyfriend and victimizer. He simply stared at it for a long time, taking in the engraved words that declared Vincent dead. The date of his birth to the date of his death were enough to finalize the fact that he was gone, but it wasn’t enough to Neal. It would never be enough to Neal.

Even as rain began to drench him, he stood in front of that headstone and struggled internally with his emotions. His eyes watered for quite some time before he finally decided to break down. He fell to his knees in front of the headstone because he hadn’t gotten the justice he’d wanted from the legal system. Peter may not be entirely aware of this, but he’d tried his damnedest to have someone arrest Vincent. He’d tried to make a case for himself, to prove that he had been victimized by Vincent.

Of course things hadn’t gone his way. Vincent was a big name in the area because he was part of a large corporation. No one in their right mind would believe Neal over Vincent since Vincent was well-known and known to be a kind, generous man. Why would someone believe Neal after Vincent built up quite the positive reputation for himself? Neal had been accused of defamation and left the courthouse feeling more ashamed of himself than he had prior.

He broke down because he was angry. He’d been arrested and imprisoned for crimes he committed—a total of four years for never hurting another human being. But Vincent had gotten away with his crimes. Neal knew he wasn’t the first victim, but he felt like he’d been the last. He honestly didn’t know how many people had been hurt by Vincent, but the justice system failed him nonetheless. Justice had failed him when they sent him running from the courthouse with tears sliding down his cheeks from the sheer embarrassment they elicited by calling him a liar, by telling him he just wanted to make up a scandal to receive money from Vincent.

Neal couldn’t recall ever telling Peter any of this because he never wanted to relive those awful moments. That was when his trust and belief in the system had been obliterated. He’d been failed and treated like shit.

But then Peter, his mystery lover in the justice system, had done exactly what needed to be done.

Neal still felt like he’d been failed to this day, but that was because Peter hadn’t served justice in the name of the legal system or the government. Peter had served justice because of his love for Neal, a love that he wanted to protect. He’d killed Vincent so Neal never had to be hurt again when the court had been more than happy to allow Vincent to remain on the streets.

Peter had been his savior in more ways than one, honestly. From the day he’d pulled Neal out of his burning home to the day he’d killed Vincent to the day he’d helped Neal get out of prison… Peter hadn’t done any of that for the government. Peter hadn’t done any of that to serve justice in the name of the system he was working for. He’d done all of this because he had fallen in love with Neal and wanted to make things right.

For quite some time, Neal stayed on his knees in front of the headstone and sobbed. As much as he’d love to forget the pain of everything Vincent had done to him as well as what the system hadn’t done for him, he knew it would always haunt him. He knew it would always hurt him.

Even with closure staring right back at him, he knew it wasn’t that easy.

•◊•

When Neal finally came home, it’d been more than two hours since he’d left. He was soaked and the rain hadn’t stopped since it started. Walking into the house made him feel awful because he was soaking the floor with his despair. Even in the darkness of the living room, he knew he was soaking the floor. He felt comfortable, too. This is his home. Peter is his home.

The lights suddenly flashed on and scared the living hell out of him.

At least until he saw Peter sitting on the couch not too far from where he was standing.

Neal was sniffling since he’d been crying, but he was grateful to see Peter waiting for him. Smiling sadly, he whispered, “I’m so glad to see you.” He approached Peter, but was surprised when Peter used his vampire speed to move away from him. “Peter?”

Peter wouldn’t look at him and Neal had no idea why. He thought Peter was waiting for him to come home and that Peter would comfort him when he saw how emotional he’d been while he was out. “Where did you go?”

“Out,” Neal said as he wiped his face off. “I needed to spend a little time by myself.” It was then that Neal realized Peter was a little wet himself. Eyes wide, Neal realized that Peter hadn’t randomly woken up and wondered where he went. He knew where he went. “Did you follow me?”

Finally, Peter met his gaze. “Yes.”

Even though it wasn’t entirely unexpected, it still bothered him a little. He knew Peter wanted to protect him, but did that mean he needed to go anywhere and everywhere with him? “I went to a cemetery,” Neal admitted even though Peter already knew. “It’s not that big a deal, Peter.”

“It is to me,” Peter snapped. “Don’t I make you happy?”

Brows furrowed, Neal said, “Of course you do. How the hell could you think you don’t?”

“I don’t know,” Peter whispered angrily. “Maybe I just assumed sneaking out of bed to head to a cemetery where you cried over your ex’s headstone meant you weren’t happy.” Neal gaped at him. Where in the name of God had Peter’s brain gone?

“What are you even talking about?” Neal asked. He was trying to remain calm about this because the last thing he wanted to do was tear apart their relationship on the basis of absolutely _nothing._

Peter scoffed quietly. “Obviously, you went to visit his grave for a reason. Perhaps to mourn your true lover?” Neal’s jaw could have dropped to the floor at that. His _true_ lover? Where was this delusional side of Peter coming from so suddenly? Peter knows he’s Neal’s true lover, his mate, his fiancé… How could he possibly think Neal was in love with another man, and his past abuser at that? “Yeah. You know I’m right. You’ve never let go of your feelings for him.” Neal’s eyes began to water as Peter spewed lies at him. Did he honestly believe these things? “You never truly loved me, did you? Was it all just so you could try to get over him even though you never will?”

“Peter!” he growled, silencing the other man as his tears began to spill over. “You know damn well that everything you just said is so fucking wrong.” His voice was shaking as he said, “How could you ever possibly think you’re not the one I’m in love with? You heard what he did to me, what he said to me.”

Peter stared at him silently, but his icy eyes were speaking horrors Neal never wanted to hear escape Peter’s lips. “Perhaps you wanted it. Perhaps all of this has just been some damn game you’re playing with me. Did you want pity? Did you want me to kill him? Acting like a victim would certainly—”

Neal gasped and stumbled backwards, throwing his left hand over his mouth as he began to blink rapidly. Peter hadn’t just said he’d pretended to be a victim. There was no way in hell Peter could possibly believe that. Could he?

It was then that Peter realized he’d overstepped a boundary—and a severe boundary at that. He took a moment to analyze everything he’d just said and he _knew_ everything he said was a lie. He hadn’t meant any of it and, to be quite honest, he didn’t even know where these accusations came from.

He’d obviously clawed at a wound that pained the very depths of Neal’s being given the way Neal lost all sense of control. He’d been relatively composed up to that point, but his emotions overcame him. Peter had, essentially, just thrown Neal’s pain back at him in the form of accusations—lies. He’d just accused Neal of lying to him about being raped even though he’d heard it as it was happening.

The pain he could hear in Neal’s sobs shook him to his very core. He’d never hurt Neal so much before. As he neared Neal in an attempt to apologize and comfort him simultaneously, Neal screamed, “Don’t come one step closer to me!” He was in emotional agony and Peter was trying to understand what he’d triggered. It must have been something Neal hadn’t told him because he’d never seen Neal in this much pain over Vincent. “I can’t believe you just said that. I can’t believe you just called me a liar,” he said angrily as he continued to cry.

“Neal, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”

Neal shook his head. “I don’t want to hear any more lies from you.” He wiped his face off roughly and tried to calm himself down. “The fact that you think I wanted to be raped and that I lied about being raped for some ulterior motive just proves to me that you know absolutely nothing about me or what I went through because of him.” Peter sped over to him and tried to wrap his arms around Neal, but he felt the fear inside of Neal even though Neal didn’t scream fearfully.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said as he backed off. “I didn’t mean what I said. I know you didn’t want that and I do believe you. I believe every word you’ve told me about what happened between you and Vincent. I’m so sor—”

Neal shoved Peter aside and managed to put even more distance between them. Without another word, Neal wrenched the necklace chain away from his neck, effectively breaking it, and tossed it—with his engagement ring attached—at Peter angrily. He wanted to scream so many things at Peter, but all he could manage was, “If you don’t trust me, we’re done!” With those being his final words to his lover, he left the house. Getting soaked in the rain was a far better choice than burning from the inside out in that living hell he’d unexpectedly found himself in.

It went unspoken between them that Peter was _not_ allowed to chase after him right now. He honestly didn’t want to be around Peter after that. Yes, he still loves the man, but his heart felt like it was crumbling into pieces as he walked. The pain deep within himself only became increasingly worse as he began to pick up speed, racing through the rainstorm that was coming down on him as tears slid down his cheeks.

It took a while, but he’d made it home. He crashed down onto the front lawn out of sheer exhaustion. He was now emotionally and physically drained after listening to Peter’s lies and running home.

His head snapped up when he heard noises behind himself. He began to groan his annoyance because he believed Peter had followed him despite the fact that Peter should’ve known _not_ to follow him right now. Well, if he wanted to follow him and make sure he got home safe… He supposed that was one thing, but he didn’t want to see or hear Peter right now.

Turning, he found himself face to face with a man who wasn’t Peter.

Before he had the chance to scream for help, fingers were around his neck. They were clenching tightly around him, cutting off his air. He struggled against the other man, but his vision began to blur as he felt his life ending—or so he thought.

“Good night,” the man whispered as Neal blacked out.


	20. Chapter 20

Neal woke up feeling very groggy. The last thing he remembered was Keller—because who else could it possibly be?—saying ‘good night’ before he blacked out. His strong fingers nearly crushed Neal’s throat, but all he’d truly wanted was to render Neal unconscious. After all, it would make Neal’s screams a lot quieter—and non-existent. If Peter wanted to search for him, it certainly made things difficult, but Neal wondered if Peter would even be out there looking for him in the first place. Things hadn’t gone so well the previous night…

He was lying on a cold floor and his wrists were bound behind his back—tightly. His ankles were also bound, but he could move them with a little more freedom, unlike his wrists. The pain he was in was incredible, but he could feel Peter’s venom healing him. At least he’d gotten intimate with Peter before things went to hell. The venom would dissipate in a matter of hours though. After that, Neal’s pain and injuries would no longer be able to heal—and Keller would probably take advantage of Peter’s scent finally vanishing.

Damn it! If he’d just stayed with Peter to weather the storm, he wouldn’t even be in this predicament. But no. He got upset because Peter accused him of being in love with a man who tormented him, the same man Peter had also killed. “ _If you don’t trust me, we’re done!_ ” Those had been his last words to his lover before storming out into the cold, rainy darkness of the night.

Vincent has been dead for quite some time, so why in the hell did Peter believe he had feelings for Vincent? Christ, Peter could be such an idiot. He even knew that Neal had been raped and abused by the monster while they’d been in a relationship, so how the hell could he come to the conclusion that Neal would ever give up on his feelings for _him_ just so he could pursue feelings Peter believed he had for Vincent? Of course he still loves Peter to death, but damn.

He’d left Peter because he couldn’t bear being around him after he took a brutal knife to the heart—figuratively. Peter hadn’t caused him nearly this much pain when he’d accidentally broken Neal’s ribs before. This was a pain so much more intense than anything he’d ever felt before, but of course there was the additional feeling of betrayal because Peter honestly believed he was in love with a cruel man.

All because he’d gone to the location where Peter killed him and then to his final ‘resting’ place... Peter should have understood that he needed some closure, so he’d gone by himself. It also didn’t help that he hadn’t accounted for the fact that Peter, naturally, had followed him. He should’ve known Peter would want to protect him and keep him safe, but Peter misinterpreted the whole thing.

Obviously, Peter was too hurt by his own delusion to confront Neal on the spot, so he’d waited until Neal finally came home. The fact that Neal had chosen not to talk about it made things worse, but he didn’t bring it up because he believed it honestly didn’t matter. Once again, he should’ve assumed otherwise. Something so trivial mattered to and ended up hurting Peter.

The fight that ensued was unbelievable and he’d actually broken down in front of Peter because he loves the man with all of his heart and soul, but his words crushed him from the inside out.

He would never dream of losing forever with Peter, but he left because he needed time away from Peter—even if it were only brief, as he’d hoped it would be. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like time was on his side right now.

“Ah. You’re finally awake.” Keller was in front of Neal in an instant upon realizing Neal was conscious once again. Much to his surprise, Neal didn’t even flinch. What a pity because, if Neal weren’t afraid of him now, he’d just have to step his game up a bit. “Peter will never find you.” He figured destroying Neal’s hope was the first step. Once again, Neal didn’t react the way he wanted him to. He’d expected Neal to be anxious, but he wasn’t. Not even close. His heart was so calm and steady. Why? Wouldn’t he at least feel a little helpless or doubtful? “I’ve covered your scent with another human’s scent.”

“You seem to forget that Peter and I have mated,” Neal said dryly. “There’s no way you can convince me that he won’t come for me.” He had hope despite Keller’s best attempt at destroying it. He also put all of his faith into his lover because he knows Peter will stop at nothing to save him. Even after their fight last night, Peter would come for him because he loves him.

Keller violently gripped his jaw and hissed, “I will make you _my_ mate.” It would be impossible now even if Keller tried to compel him. His bond with Peter is eternal and unbreakable. No one could change that no matter how hard they tried. “You are my mate.”

Neal laughed in his face. “You wish.” That seemed to infuriate Keller. Honestly, Neal knew he was playing with fire by taunting Keller this way, but he also knew he’d be reborn if Keller snapped his neck. He’d also become much stronger. For a little while, he’d be stronger than Peter as well. “I belong to Peter. Nothing you do or say will change that.”

Evil seemed to glint in his eyes then. He was surely plotting something devious… As long as Peter wasn’t hurt, Neal didn’t particularly care what happened to himself. “We’ll see about that,” Keller snarled.

Before Neal even registered what was happening to him, he was crying out in agony. Keller proceeded to crush his left arm, several of his ribs, his hipbone, and his right ankle. The sounds of his bones shattering made him sick to his stomach, but that was nothing compared to the tremendous amount of pain he was in. His body convulsed a little as he continued crying out, but he figured this was only the beginning. Unfortunately, he hadn’t realized just what Keller planned on doing to him. His heart began to race wildly as Keller forcibly ripped his clothing from his body without releasing his bound wrists or ankles.

He screamed and pleaded because he now knew where this was going. His fear was overwhelming him already—a fear that he thought he was finally overcoming…

•◊•

Peter entered Neal’s apartment solemnly the morning after their fight. He’d planned on apologizing and pleading for Neal to take the engagement ring back, but he wanted to make sure he came across as sincere and loving in both aspects. “Honey,” Peter began as he spoke to himself quietly in preparation. “I am beyond sorry—incredibly sorry for accusing you of having feelings for someone else, especially him.” He sighed and shook his head. “I know how you feel about me,” he whispered, “and I don’t want you to believe I don’t trust you…” Suddenly, he realized that something wasn’t right. He sniffed the area and that was when it dawned on him. Neal hadn’t come home last night after their fight. His tracking anklet was sitting exactly where they’d left it, but Neal hadn’t come back.

Backpedaling, he left the apartment and wandered through the halls for a few moments. He couldn’t catch a fresh scent belonging to his lover in the building, so he went back outside. Glancing around, he picked up Neal’s scent, but he didn’t see the young man anywhere. The scent led him to a spot in the grass on the front lawn of the apartment complex, which he found curious. Neal had made it this far last night, but then his scent vanished.

He began to go into a panic then. What happened to Neal? For all he knew, Neal could be dead—and in the process of transformation, alone. Thinking about Neal enduring the pain alone hurt him deeply inside. He’d been alone until Elizabeth found him, but he’d been through most of his transformation by that point. The transformation could last several hours, so Neal might be partway through already.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he shot Elizabeth a quick text, a simple: SOS. That was all he ever needed to say to her and she knew there was a problem. They could also track each other very easily, so it didn’t surprise him when she showed up beside him in a matter of moments. It wouldn’t have looked so odd had she chosen to come to him the human way, but she knew this was urgent. “Neal?” she whispered as she stared up at him. Her senses weren’t attuned to Neal the way Peter’s were, but she could vaguely catch on to what she knew was Neal’s scent. “What’re you thinking?”

“Keller,” he whispered. “It doesn’t make sense because his scent isn’t here. How could he take Neal if his scent isn’t here?”

Elizabeth was wracking her own brain in an attempt to find some answer for him. She was trying to think deviously, to think as if she were interested in stealing another man’s mate to bring harm to him. Honestly, it was difficult for her to envision herself ever trying to kidnap someone else’s mate, especially when it came to Peter and Neal. She couldn’t see herself ever separating the two of them after seeing just how happy Neal has made Peter.

When Peter caught another scent he didn’t recognize, he knew what Keller had done. Keller had used someone else’s scent to cover his own, to make it seem like he hadn’t been responsible for Neal’s disappearance. Of course he’d want to stall as long as he could. Then again, he could be wrong. Perhaps Neal left with another individual and their scents intermingled.

That last thought had Peter seeing red. The very thought of Neal going somewhere else with another man made him feel threatened and extremely jealous to the point where he was beginning to see red. Neal is an attractive young man, so of course it would only be natural for others to take interest in him as well. “Peter,” Elizabeth eventually said, interrupting his thoughts. She knew something was on his mind, he could tell. “There’s a scent covering Keller’s. We’ve done it before.” Peter began to calm down upon realizing she was correct. The Illuminatis had been after him for some time, so they’d taken some measures to protect him, which included masking his scent for a while. “We’re going to find him,” she assured him.

Peter swallowed hard despite not needing to. “We have approximately ten hours left.” Elizabeth gave him a look of curiosity, wondering why there was a time restraint. “My venom will be in his system for at least ten more hours,” he whispered. His voice was full of agony, as were his eyes. “If Keller kills him, he’ll transform. If he waits for the venom to dissolve, killing Neal will…kill Neal—permanently.” By nearly nine o’clock in the evening, his lover may join him in eternity or he may have his life ended. It all depended on what Keller had in mind for Neal’s future. Neal’s life was completely in his hands.

The very idea that he was powerless to save Neal enraged him. “You need to hone in on his scent. I can faintly catch it, but he’s your mate, Peter.” He nodded and tried to focus. His mind and feelings were unbalanced right now, so it made the process somewhat difficult. Watching Peter struggle hurt Elizabeth deeply. She couldn’t imagine the hell he was going through. As long as she’d known Peter was in love with Neal, she knew he worried about Neal endlessly. “Focus on bringing him home. Find his scent and we’ll bring him home together.”

Peter closed his eyes in an attempt to give his other senses more concentration. He could faintly catch Keller’s scent, but he immediately picked up on Neal’s. It was mingled with another scent, but the scent was completely unrecognizable to him. It was no one that had ever been around Neal since he’d met Neal so long ago.

That third scent didn’t matter. What mattered most was that Keller had interfered and taken Neal from him. Unfortunately, with the rage he felt towards Keller came the rage he felt inwardly. Had he not said the things he said the previous night, Neal would have been with him. Neal would have stayed the night with him. If he lost Neal forever after this, his biggest regret would be that his final words to Neal had hurt him deeply. Neal hadn’t deserved that and he honestly didn’t know where all of his accusations and bitterness had come from. Neal was always incredibly faithful to him, so why did he even doubt Neal to begin with?

Elizabeth rested a hand on Peter’s back while staring up at him concernedly. She was aware of the fight Neal and Peter had gotten into the previous night, but dwelling on that encounter wouldn’t save Neal’s life. Her touch was a subtle reminder that he needed to keep himself in the present, to focus on saving his lover before Keller had the opportunity to take him away forever.

Glancing at the woman he’d spent so long with, Peter nodded. He understood what she wasn’t saying to him. “Let’s bring him home,” he whispered. She gave him a small smile before they set off together, speeding faster than the eye of a mortal could see.

•◊•

Neal screamed in agony as Keller tortured him. He figured it had to have been at least twelve hours since Keller had rendered him unconscious and brought him—wherever the hell they were. He had no idea where they were. It may as well be hell as far as he’s concerned. His body ached internally and externally. His insides felt as if they were on fire. Bones were broken, healed, and broken once more. He honestly thought that he was paralyzed at one point, but Peter’s venom healed him. As relieved as he should’ve felt about that, he wished Peter’s venom weren’t in his system any longer. He wished he were capable of dying instantly rather than healing.

That wasn’t the point of this though. Keller wasn’t trying to kill him. Keller was trying to destroy him without taking his life. He was trying to demean him as best he could—and it was working. His bones had shattered, his body regenerated, Keller took a considerably large amount of his blood to sustain himself, but that wasn’t the worst part of everything Keller had done to him.

Keller had raped him. He’d spoken to him as Vincent once had—when Vincent was the one violating him. The horrors in his mind resurfaced almost immediately and he wished he didn’t have to relive this. He wished Peter were here to hold him, to promise him that it was all in his head and that Vincent would never be able to hurt him ever again. Unfortunately, he could promise that Vincent would no longer be the perpetrator in this case, but he couldn’t stop what Keller was doing to him. He couldn’t stop Neal from fearing Keller.

As of this moment, he felt like his insides had been torn apart. He’d thought the same thing when Vincent raped him, but this was so much worse. Keller is so much stronger than Vincent ever was and he fucked Neal with reckless abandon. Bones were broken and crushed in the process, but this was what Keller sought to accomplish. He wanted to break Neal. He wanted to destroy the desperate hope he was clinging to that Peter would come to his rescue.

“Do you believe he’s still coming for you?” Keller asked him, startling him. He’d been allowed approximately half an hour of near silence to whimper quietly to himself before Keller returned and crushed his leg. Keller wasn’t going to give him time to fully recuperate. That much he knew. Keller was circling around him slowly, taunting him with his movements. “Do you still believe he loves you? How could he love a worthless mortal?”

Neal gasped as he tried to shift a little on the floor. He was in an immense amount of pain, but his heart was still beating—for Peter. He knew Peter would come for him. It was only a matter of time. “He loves me,” Neal spat at the other man. He quite literally spat—blood. Coughing violently, Neal choked up more of his own blood onto the floor. “He won’t abandon me.”

Keller chuckled quietly, but the sound echoed off of the empty walls. “I honestly thought you were less resilient,” Keller murmured as he paused behind Neal. Neal was bracing himself for the kick he couldn’t avoid, but it never came. Keller simply stood behind him and stared down at him. “I don’t know what he even sees in you. You’re a weak human.” Neal twisted painfully to look up at the monster. Keller knelt down and touched Neal’s hair—almost as if he were trying to comfort him, which Neal knew was absolute bullshit at this point. “I see sex on legs,” he whispered as he ran his fingers through Neal’s hair. “I see a man I could enslave rather easily. I see a weakling who has no choice in the matter of whether or not he becomes a slave to my sex drive.”

Swallowing down his own blood, Neal tried to prevent the tears welling up in his eyes from escaping. He couldn’t imagine being forced into that kind of life nor could he imagine Peter allowing Keller to enslave him as he was inferring. “He loves me,” he repeatedly in agony. “Peter will come for me.”

The other man shook his head once again. He honestly believed Neal was incredibly naïve for thinking Peter would come for him, but he didn’t understand the bond between Neal and Peter either. In fact, he chose to ignore that they’d mated. He chose to believe Neal is his mate, that he forced Neal to become his mate. He didn’t realize that there was honestly nothing he could do to shatter the mating bond. It was incredibly strong between the two men, so there was nothing that could shatter it at this point.

“My naïve boy,” he said endearingly. “How torturous it must be to believe he truly loves you.” He knew how to manipulate Neal and he was trying desperately to make Neal question Peter’s love for him. Neal was easy, in his opinion. Neal believed Vincent loved him and that he deserved to be raped by him, so Keller was taking advantage of that mentality. He knew it was still within Neal. It would always be within him. It would always haunt Neal whether he admitted to it or not. “If he loved you, wouldn’t he be here already?”

Neal’s lips trembled and he bit out, “He’ll be here. You’ll see.”

Despite the fact that Neal wanted to keep hoping Peter wouldn’t abandon him, he couldn’t help the overwhelming sense of dread coming over him. He’d been abandoned before. He’d been abused before. He’d been loved and tossed aside before. If Peter chose to do the same thing… _No._ He forced himself to drift away from that line of thought. Peter wouldn’t do that to him. Peter had waited so long to love him and he hadn’t done anything to make Neal believe anything aside from the fact that Peter is deeply in love with him. Peter would come for him. He just needed to hold on until Peter came.

He knew he could hold on. He had to hold on. Peter wouldn’t let Keller torment him. Peter would come for him, save him, protect him… Neal had faith in him because he knows just how deeply Peter feels for him. “Will you still be so willing to wait for his arrival when you’re dead?” Neal swallowed hard. In a subtle way, Keller was threatening him. For the time being though, there wasn’t much he could do. Peter’s venom was healing him and would transform him if he were killed. “I know his venom is what’s keeping you alive, but it can’t be much longer before his venom runs out.”

Keller ran his fingers along Neal’s naked skin, instantly eliciting a flinch from the younger man. His very touch made Neal uncomfortable, but it was also the manner in which he was being touched. Keller was touching him intimately, in ways he only wanted Peter to touch him. “He’ll come for me,” Neal whispered as he shut his eyes. “He won’t let me die.”

Scoffing, Keller said, “I don’t think he has much of a choice, honestly. He’ll never find you because I covered your scent.” Neal opened his eyes at that. If his scent were covered, Peter wouldn’t be able to track him. He remembered that Peter once panicked because Keller had successfully covered his scent. Peter hadn’t been able to tell if Neal were still alive and present by just his scent alone. “I have you all to myself. I wonder… Once his venom runs out, I could start feeding you mine.” Neal felt physically ill just thinking about drinking Keller’s venom. Now that he’d tasted Peter’s, he only wanted Peter’s. He didn’t quite understand it, but there was an intense bitterness to the taste of Keller’s venom. Peter’s tasted nothing like that. It was so much better and sweeter. “Then I could snap your neck and you’ll be mated to me.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Neal whispered.

“Oh? How does it work then, my love?”

Neal internally cringed. He never wanted to be called ‘my love’ by anyone but Peter. “You and I shared blood and venom, but it meant nothing to either of us,” he whispered. “Peter and I shared blood and venom, but it meant something significant to us. My heart beats only for him and nothing—not even your venom—could change that.” Keller flashed around to his front and gripped his throat tightly.

Honestly, Neal expected Keller to end his life right then and there. “If I kill you with my venom in your veins, you’re my mate.” Neal shook his head despite the fact that he was struggling to breathe. He tried not to struggle too much, but his body was _trying_ to force him to breathe. “You’re my mate,” he snarled, to which Neal spat blood at him. Keller growled in rage and threw Neal—effortlessly.

Neal felt his bones break before he heard them snap upon hitting a wall. He let out a blood curdling scream in response to the pain he felt as he hit the floor. Tears were flowing despite his efforts to keep himself relatively composed. The pain was too much for him and the healing process was slowing as Peter’s venom began to thin out.

Unfortunately, Keller decided to bring him as much pain as he could—just to let him know that he didn’t appreciate Neal’s defiance. Once again, Keller ravaged his body from the inside out. Keller fed on his blood to keep himself sustained, but he tormented Neal’s body simultaneously. There was nothing Neal could do to fend him off, which threw him back into his past with Vincent. He’d tried to fight Vincent before, but Vincent was stronger and he felt just as powerless. There was absolutely nothing he could do against Keller’s vampire strength.

All he could do was take the pain Keller unleashed upon him. All he could do was scream. He could beg for Keller to stop. He could beg Keller to kill him. But all he wanted was for Peter to save him.

•◊•

When Peter and Elizabeth followed Neal’s scent, they came to what appeared to be some kind of broken down, worn out house. It looked like it’d been abandoned for quite some time. Honestly, neither of them understood why this place in particular was where Neal was being held, but it didn’t matter. Peter could hear Neal’s screams before Elizabeth heard them. He knew exactly what was being done to his mate and he flew into a rage, darting immediately towards the house. Upon breaking the door, he realized he couldn’t enter beyond the barrier. He hadn’t been invited inside nor did Neal own this place. “Ah,” that damnable voice murmured as he continued to torment Neal. “He did arrive.”

“ _Peter!_ ” Neal screamed. His voice sounded strangled and he sounded like he was in an immense amount of pain. He’d never heard Neal call out for him like this before and it shattered his heart immediately.

Peter growled and tried to enter despite knowing the barrier would keep him out until he was invited inside. It’d taken him and Elizabeth several hours to track Neal’s scent here, so there wasn’t much time left before Neal had no venom left to heal him.

Upon hearing Peter’s attempts to come inside, Keller brought Neal into plain sight, allowing Peter to see the state in which his mate was in. Neal was bloody, bruised, and it was quite obvious that his bones were trying to heal properly. Peter, had his heart been beating, was fairly sure his heart would have stopped immediately. They made eye contact and Peter hated that he couldn’t enter the damn house. Neal was pleading for him silently while breathing heavily. “Neal…” Peter whispered as he stared in horror at his lover. In the silence, he could hear how erratically Neal’s own heart was beating. There were points when it sped up and points when it became incredibly slow. While he stared at his mate, he felt like time was moving in slow motion. Neal’s breathing was labored, he was staring at Peter in absolute agony, and his heart was much slower than it should be…

Elizabeth came up behind Peter and took in the sight of Neal and his injuries. She was immediately devastated, but she couldn’t even begin to imagine how Peter felt since Neal is his mate, his lover, his everything. “I’m surprised you came. He was just beginning to believe that you’d abandoned him.” Peter’s eyes remained on Neal as Neal began to cry. He could tell that Keller was lying to him just by looking at Neal. Neal was crying tears of relief _because_ he’d believed Peter would come for him. Despite their fight the previous night, it meant quite a bit for Neal to still have so much faith in him. Neal didn’t doubt Peter’s love for him.

“Monster,” Peter growled lowly as he forced himself to look away from his injured lover and at the creature who’d tormented his love. “Let him go.” Keller raised an eyebrow at Peter. He made no move to even attempt to shift Neal closer to the entrance Peter was standing in front of. It didn’t seem like he had the intention of giving Neal to him at all. “I said let him go!” He attempted to break through the barrier again, unsuccessfully of course, and all Keller did in response was chuckle.

Neal was trying to move on his own, but it was clearly painful. It was a struggle because not only was he bound, but his bones were broken and in the process of mending rather slowly. “Oh, where do you think you’re going, my darling?” Keller effortlessly grabbed Neal and yanked him back by his ankle. Peter cried out simultaneously with Neal as Neal hit a wall upon being swung backwards rather quickly and roughly. It hurt Peter inside to watch this without being able to do anything. Neal was sobbing because the pain was becoming unbearable, but it also hurt him to know Peter was this close and could do nothing to help him. He didn’t have the power to invite Peter inside…

“P-Please,” Neal pleaded as he tried to look up at Keller. “Please let me go. Please…” He didn’t feel above begging. Perhaps he could play the sympathy card… Then again, he knows Keller better than that. There was no way this man was going to sympathize for him, especially since he’d evaded and starved him for quite some time.

Even though Neal had tried begging, Keller’s sympathy had gone right out the window a long, long time ago. Peter was forced to watch as Keller began to violate Neal’s body once more. Elizabeth was in pain as she was forced to endure this with Peter, but, once again, she couldn’t begin to imagine how Peter was feeling. The man being violated right in front of them is the man Peter loves with all of his heart and soul.

Neal’s screams and cries tore Peter apart. Fighting the barrier was impossible, but he continued to try regardless. Hearing Neal’s bones snap as Keller violated him enraged him further. Once he got his hands on Keller, Keller would regret ever laying a finger on Neal’s body. He even began to tear the exterior of the house apart in the attempt to destroy the barrier keeping him out, but that wasn’t working either.

When Keller bit Neal and began to drink his blood, the final nail in Keller’s coffin had been placed. His life would be over the second Peter was able to end it. There was no way in hell he was going to let Keller escape after this. He couldn’t imagine the psychological hell Keller was putting Neal through in addition to the physical hell, but he was going to make Keller pay for Neal’s agony.

Once Keller was satisfied, he stopped and grinned while watching Neal cry beneath him. Neal could do absolutely nothing to stop him and he found that incredibly satisfying in itself. “I bet you wish you could fuck him this way, don’t you?” he taunted Peter. “It must be so pleasing to watch him suffer, to watch him take it rough.” He knew he was pushing Peter’s buttons. Hell, he was fully aware of the fact that Peter was afraid to touch Neal’s body so intimately for a very long period of time, which is why he taunted him like this. He had no qualms about roughing Neal up, but Peter had always been reluctant.

Neal couldn’t move, but he continued to sob. His nightmares from so long ago kept resurfacing and they were tearing him apart just as much as his present situation was. “Peter, help me,” Neal pleaded even though he knew there was nothing to be done. Peter couldn’t come inside despite his best efforts. He just wanted Peter to hold him so desperately…

“How much longer do you think the venom will be in his veins?” Keller asked. It was rhetorical because it’d taken Peter so long to follow Neal’s scent, so there was very little time left. In a split second, Keller had vanished and returned with a gun. Neal was panting as he looked up at Keller fearfully. Peter was frozen in his own fear. Not only was Neal’s blood tempting him a great deal, but now he feared that Neal would die right here—permanently. “I wonder how many bullets would end him,” Keller mused. He glanced at Peter and smirked. “Shall we make a bet? One? Two? Three? How many, Burkey?”

“None,” Peter snarled. “You won’t kill him.” Keller raised an eyebrow at the obvious call of his bluff. Even as Keller loaded the gun, Peter hoped to whatever deity existed in this universe that Keller wouldn’t shoot Neal. Neal had been through enough already.

As Keller finished cocking the gun, he turned back to Neal and pointed it at him. Glancing at Peter, he gave him yet another challenging glance. “I suppose there are worse things to subject him to than a bullet,” he murmured. Shrugging, he added, “But that doesn’t mean you’re immune.” He ended up quickly shifting his arm, aimed at Peter, and shot him immediately. Had it been a real bullet, it wouldn’t have hurt Peter in the slightest, but Peter was taken aback by the fact that there was wood in the barrel—a stake, in essence.

Peter let out a snarl of pain as he nearly flew backwards and collapsed. Elizabeth was at his side instantly and helping him, but another shot was fired at Peter. Despite the pain Peter was in, he focused on Neal’s voice. “No!” Neal screamed. “No! Please!” The gun clattered to the ground in the house, which gave Elizabeth enough time to glance back at the entrance and she watched as _gasoline_ was poured on Neal.

Peter shifted so he could see what Keller was doing despite the pain he was in and he knew exactly where this was leading. “No!” he growled as he tried to get himself up. The wood was causing him a great deal of pain and Elizabeth stopped him in an attempt to pry the two thick pieces out of his torso and leg. Once the two pieces were removed, Peter flew back to the entrance of the house and gripped what was left of the structure. He kept trying to shatter it even as Keller glanced at him, gave him a devious smile, tossed the gasoline can down to the floor, and pulled a match out of his pocket.

Peter froze in fear once more. Despite knowing what Keller was going to do, he feared Neal wouldn’t survive this. The venom would leave his system soon and Peter didn’t know if he’d be able to remove Neal from the house to help him in time. “Please. Please no,” Neal kept crying out repeatedly. He was trying to move away from Keller, but it was a futile attempt as Keller lit the match fairly quickly. “Please!”

Keller didn’t listen to Neal’s pleas. He took a complete disregard for Neal and his past fears the moment he poured gasoline on him, but dropping the match on him was the last straw. Of course Neal immediately began to catch fire and his screams were worse than Peter ever imagined hearing from his lover. He watched in horror as his lover began to burn in front of him. The house was beginning to catch fire as well since Keller had spilled gasoline on the floor as well, but the floor wasn’t as affected as Neal was.

In that moment, Keller clearly thought Peter and Elizabeth would be too preoccupied with failed attempts to save Neal’s life, so he made his escape then, darting out of the house almost instantly.

Despite believing that his plan to destroy both Neal and Peter was flawless, he hadn’t accounted for the fact that Peter was relentless when it came to his mate’s pain. Keller believed he was in the clear, but Peter made damn sure he wasn’t. He chased Keller down with Elizabeth hot on his heels and they both grabbed him roughly and began to tear him apart viciously.

Peter was given the ultimate pleasure of decapitating Keller while snarling like an animal in the process. Elizabeth helped him, but she knew Peter wanted to be fully responsible for this. She let him tear Keller apart to his heart’s content, but it came to a point when Keller was fully incapacitated. There was nothing Keller could do to them anymore. “Go back for him,” Elizabeth urged him as she gripped his arm roughly to stop him. She watched as realization dawned on Peter then. He’d gotten too caught up in his need to end Keller’s life that he abandoned his mate. Without further hesitation, he listened to Elizabeth and disappeared almost instantly.

Elizabeth would dispose of Keller properly to ensure that he could never return to harm anyone else, including Peter—and Neal, if he somehow managed to survive.

Upon returning to the house, Peter was stunned to see that the entire structure had burst into flames. Clearly, the upper level had been saturated with gasoline prior to Peter’s arrival and he imagined other sections of the house had been as well. Neal was still screaming inside, but Peter could almost feel Neal’s life coming to an end very soon. At this point, it may actually be a permanent end.

As the house began to crumble, Peter recognized the possibility that he may be able to dart inside and save his mate. He wasn’t sure how all of this would affect Neal, but he may be able to save his life. Without hesitating, he darted into the house and managed to toss aside several burning pieces of the interior that had fallen near or on Neal. As soon as Neal was revealed to him, he lifted him and sped outside. He laid Neal down on the grass and furiously began to pat him down at a speed no human eye could keep up with. There was no water available and the gasoline that Keller had poured onto Neal’s body made matters so much worse.

Neal eventually stopped making noises—and stopped moving. Peter wasn’t going to give up on him though. This was his love and he refused to let him go. “Neal,” he pleaded as he finally put the fire out on his lover. He stared at Neal in agony. His heart wasn’t beating. Peter couldn’t hear his heart. “Neal!” He became desperate then. Biting into his wrist roughly, he made sure his venom was seeping out of the self-inflicted wound and opened Neal’s mouth. He watched the venom drip into Neal’s mouth and internally prayed that this was making a difference.

He proceeded to feed as much of his venom as he could to Neal, even as his wound began to heal. He bit into his wrist once again and held his wrist over Neal’s mouth. He hoped Neal’s charred flesh would repair itself and that any internal damage he’d received from being burned alive would heal him as well. If he survived this and the venom managed to help him, Peter imagined it would take quite some time for Neal to fully heal.

For quite some time, Elizabeth stood behind Peter silently. She’d watched him desperately try to save Neal, but she didn’t think there was much he could honestly do. Neal’s internal organs may have been destroyed by the fire and she didn’t think there was much left of him considering how burnt he looked externally. Neal’s hair had even been singed to the point where it was now nonexistent.

Peter, for the first time in a very long time, began to cry. He didn’t think he was capable of doing so, but the possibility of losing Neal had never frightened him as much as it did right this moment as he looked at Neal’s motionless form. He doubled over onto Neal’s naked body and began to sob against his burnt skin. He kept pleading for Neal not to leave him even though he felt like it was already over and there was nothing else he could do for his mate. Even as his mouth continued to run on and plead for Neal to stay with him, his brain was already contemplating the many, many ways he could end his own life without assistance. Elizabeth would surely disapprove of his suicidal thoughts, but he didn’t want to live without Neal.

He didn’t think he could survive without Neal.

As his tears touched Neal’s skin, the unthinkable began to happen…

Peter opened his eyes and looked at Neal’s chest. While his skin was covered in Peter’s tears, he could see Neal’s skin healing—paling—at an extremely slow rate. Glancing up at Neal’s face, Peter swore his heart leapt up into his throat out of pure joy…

•◊•

In the weeks following Neal’s kidnapping and the fire, Peter sat in a secluded home far, far away from New York. He was watching his mate’s body as it laid motionless on a bed. Slowly, he was rejuvenating. The only reason Peter had gone so far from their home was that he feared the side effects of the transformation. Neal had been unconsciously violent with some of his movements, so Peter figured it would be best if he oversaw Neal’s transformation by himself.

He’d taken care of the story they were going to live by. As far as the FBI was concerned, Neal had been killed in the line of duty _against_ Keller, who had mysteriously gone missing in the aftermath—thanks to Elizabeth. Neal’s remains hadn’t been found, but he’d been given a plaque on the wall of the White Collar division since his work had been beneficial in the short time he’d worked for the FBI. It also helped that Peter had done whatever he could to all but destroy Neal’s tracking anklet, giving off the illusion that something terrible happened to him and he lost his anklet in the process.

The bureau would never forget one of their greatest assets even if he weren’t actually dead, but Peter was pretending he was grieving over the loss of his partner. He was hurting, but not in the way that his colleagues and coworkers believed he was. The unfortunate part was that it was now going to be time for them to move away from New York. He wasn’t going to abandon Neal or keep him holed up in the house in New York since the story they’d created together included Neal dying tragically. They would have to move on and find a new home—together. If Elizabeth chose to stay behind, that was her choice, but Peter had every intention of moving elsewhere so he and Neal could be together without scrutiny.

Neal had been unconscious since his transformation began, but that was because his skin was taking a considerably lengthy amount of time to heal. He’d been burned very badly and Peter had to continuously feed his venom to Neal in order to help the healing process continue. Watching his lover return to his beautiful state after having seen him essentially burned to a crisp had Peter feeling a certain kind of way, but he was grateful to still have Neal nonetheless.

When Peter considered how Neal’s transformation would take place and for what reason, this hadn’t been his idea at all. He hadn’t seen Neal suffering something so torturous in order to inevitably die and regenerate himself. When he imagined Neal’s transformation, he imagined being the one responsible for Neal’s death and he imagined it being relatively accidental. With this particular situation, all he had now was to regret that he hadn’t been able to save Neal from such an awful death. Had he been able to, he certainly would’ve, but the lack of invitation into the house Keller was holding Neal hostage in had prevented him despite his best efforts.

Closing his eyes, Peter imagined the way he’d initially imagined Neal’s transformation beginning…

_He waited for those beautiful eyes to open, all the while knowing they’d never be the same. It wasn’t supposed to be this way and he blamed himself. After all, he’d done this. He wasted so much time trying to protect him when he should have just taken him away where no one would ever be able to find him, but that was very selfish of him and he was nothing if not a gentleman. He watched the body in front of him, noting that the well-toned chest hadn’t moved in quite some time. He hated himself for that. How could he have let it come to this? After all of his declarations of love, he’d done the one thing he vowed he would never do and he’d stolen a man’s life—drained him of his humanity._

This had been well before Peter had come to the realization, with Neal’s help, that he isn’t a monster. For the longest time, he’d honestly believed himself to be some awful creature that would no doubt only bring pain and chaos in his wake. Ever since he’d fallen in love with Neal, he’d believed he would lose Neal and only he would be to blame for taking his lover’s life…

_As soon as those eyes fluttered open, he regretted ever putting the young man into this position—for bringing him into his life. He was selfish and foolish to think he could live in both worlds when he’d been warned about the consequences of living in the realm of mortals. He couldn’t help it though. This man was a temptation from afar that he wanted to possess, but he hadn’t meant to go this far._

He felt like the love between them would have ultimately been Neal’s demise because he truly believed, initially, that he was selfish and foolish to love Neal when Neal could live his life fully and happily with someone who was also mortal. As it turned out, Neal had feelings for him as well and knowing that Peter was his mystery lover had expedited those feelings. Additionally, Neal wasn’t opposed to transforming to live a life of eternity with Peter.

_He would spend eternity wishing he’d done the right thing. He should have let him die._

Now that he’d fallen in love with Neal and that Neal had fallen in love with him, he knew allowing Neal to die never would’ve been the right thing. He would never leave Neal to perish the way he nearly had. Transforming Neal was more idealistic than allowing his last few moments to be as painful as he imagined they were. Fortunately, Neal wouldn’t have to endure pain ever again after this. It was going to be more pleasuring than anything else…

The low groan beside Peter somewhat startled him and he opened his eyes to look at his lover. This was the first sound Neal had made in weeks. His thrashing made sounds, of course, but Neal himself hadn’t become fully conscious since dying. “Neal,” he whispered as he shifted closer to his love. He rested his left hand against Neal’s cheek and caressed his face lovingly. “Honey, can you hear me?”

Neal shifted into his palm, nuzzling his face against Peter’s skin. There hadn’t been much of a difference between their temperatures prior to Neal’s transformation, but Peter imagined that he felt so much warmer to Neal now. To Neal, his touch would feel absolutely human to him now.

As Neal slowly began to come to, his eyes began to flutter open. He looked like he was in a bit of a daze, but Peter supposed that was to be expected since he’d been unconscious for quite some time. He spent the duration of his transformation unconscious, so opening his eyes opened him up to a whole new world. “Peter?” he whispered.

“I’m right here,” Peter murmured as he smiled softly. Neal turned his head and looked up at him then. Immediately, he smiled as well. Neal’s eyes were a bright shade of red despite the fact that Peter had been feeding Neal his venom. He assumed he might need Neal to actively feed off of him in order to have his normal eye color return. “Welcome back, love.”

Neal tentatively lifted his hand and stroked Peter’s jaw line while staring up at the other man in absolute awe. “I never realized just how handsome you are,” Neal said softly.

Peter grinned at him in response. “The transformation intensified all of your senses—including sight.”

He could tell. Everything looked so much sharper and clearer to him now. “How long was I out?”

Neal was expecting Peter to tell him it’d only been a few hours. “Two weeks,” he admitted. Neal looked a bit shocked by that. “You were severely burned,” he whispered. “It took time for you to heal. I brought you here so we could be alone.” Neal sat up a bit and Peter rested his hand on Neal’s chest. “We’re in a safe place away from mortals.” The younger man still seemed like he was in a daze, so Peter figured he might be a little confused. “Do you remember what happened to you?” He figured Neal might not remember everything, but he’d remembered everything that happened prior to his own transformation.

“Some,” Neal whispered as his gaze shifted away from Peter.

Given that Neal didn’t want to make eye contact with him anymore, he figured Neal may be feeling remorse and shame considering what had happened to him prior to his death. Tentatively, Peter took Neal’s hand in his own and rubbed his thumb over Neal’s skin. “He can’t hurt you ever again,” Peter said quietly. “Elizabeth and I have made sure of that.” Neal nodded, but he still refused to look at Peter. Peter just watched him silently and wondered what he was thinking. Of course he knew how Neal felt about what Vincent had done to him, so he figured this was much worse considering it’d happened again—with a different man.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t fight back…”

Peter could immediately hear the brokenness and regret in Neal’s voice. He planned on putting an end to that immediately. “Neal, there was honestly nothing you could do,” he said solemnly. “He was much stronger than you due to the fact that he was a vampire and you were a mortal. I don’t blame you for what happened.” Neal nodded slowly, silently. “Honey…”

Neal nodded again. “I know.”

“No,” Peter whispered. “No, you don’t.” He squeezed Neal’s hand and, for the first time since they’d gotten together, Neal was surprised by the strength Peter possessed. Of course his fragile ribs had been shattered by Peter—not mentioning anything Keller had done to him two weeks ago. “What he did to you was wrong and I can’t even begin to imagine how he made you feel, but I’m so sorry for not being there for you when you needed me most.”

Without thinking about it, Neal crushed Peter’s hand with his grip. Peter made a quiet sound that startled Neal. He’d forgotten that he’d be stronger than Peter for a little while. “Shit. I’m sorry.” Peter shook his head and tightened his grip on Neal’s hand so Neal couldn’t pull away. They were both silent for a few moments before Neal sighed. “Peter, he would have killed me if not for your venom.” Peter frowned because, alternatively, that meant that his venom kept Neal alive for repetitive torture. “If he’d killed me during all of that…”

Neal shuddered at the idea he was giving himself had Keller been successful in ending his life. “Well, he didn’t and he can never touch you again.” Peter leaned closer to Neal and kissed his forehead. He relished in the fact that Neal closed his eyes for a few moments as if he were trying to savor the brief affection. “You can never be hurt again—by anyone, including myself.” Neal’s eyes flew open and he seemed to glare at Peter then. “What?”

Peter hadn’t expected Neal to use his own vampire speed so soon, but he certainly enjoyed the fact that Neal shoved him backwards towards a wall and proceeded to kiss him passionately. He knew he didn’t have to hold back anymore, so he fiercely returned Neal’s kisses and pulled his body as close as he could manage—as tightly as he could.

The sounds Neal was making gave Peter the impression that Neal was hungry, but he figured Neal might not know that just yet. “You smell so good,” he snarled. Peter chuckled as Neal’s lips brushed against his own playfully. “Is it because we’re mates?” He paused in his heated efforts and looked at Peter in genuine curiosity.

“Yes,” Peter told him. “Your scent was very potent for me—and it still is. No one has ever given me the feelings you gave me when I first caught your scent.” Neal began to sniff at him just so he could get used to his enhanced senses. Peter let him do as he pleased and watched him. He found this very interesting because he’d never cared for anyone who recently transformed.

Neal came a little closer to him and Peter noticed that Neal’s face came closer to his neck. He paused and then looked at Peter’s face curiously. “Can I smell your venom?” Peter nodded. “It’s making me hungry.” Peter chuckled quietly, resting his hand on Neal’s hip. “When I was mortal, you fed your venom to me with your wrist. Is that still how it works now?”

Peter shrugged. “You’re strong enough to bite me if you’re hungry. I fed you from my wrist because it’s an easy spot for me to reach and bite into—with plenty of venom to spare.” Neal sniffed at him again and Peter smirked. “Want to bite me, my love?”

“Perhaps,” Neal murmured.

“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better,” Peter teased as he wrapped his arms around Neal. He held Neal lovingly and stared into his eyes as Neal put his arms up and slid them over Peter’s shoulders, clasping his hands behind Peter’s neck. “I love you very much, Neal.” He kissed Neal’s forehead again and whispered, “I’ll help you through your transition and I’ll let you feed as often as you need to before we make our way back into society.” Neal nodded because he was grateful for that. “However, we’re going to discuss what happened someday…”

“Peter…” he whispered.

Nodding, Peter said, “Not now. You’re going through a lot of changes right now and I don’t want to burden you with more, but we’re going to discuss the events that led up to your transformation sooner or later because there’s no way in hell that I’m going to let you suffer alone…” Neal kept staring up into Peter’s eyes. Peter stared back and it was strange seeing bright red eyes looking back at him rather than the beautiful blue he was used to. “What you’ve been through is traumatic, Neal, and I won’t let you suffer in silence. I am here for you.” He rubbed Neal’s lower back and sighed. “I promise I won’t force you to open up about any of this, but I would like it if you felt comfortable enough to speak to me about it.”

Neal’s lips trembled a little as he nodded. “I don’t want to speak about it right now,” he whispered, “but I promise we’ll talk about it when I’m ready.” He pulled Peter closer for a tighter hug before whispering in his ear, “Thank you for being here for me. It means a lot to me.”

Peter slid his left hand up and down Neal’s back as he kissed Neal’s neck gently. “You’re my mate, my love, my Neal. I’ll never abandon you.” Neal rested his face against the side of Peter’s and breathed shakily. “I’ll always listen to you.”

“Thank you,” Neal whispered, sounding genuinely appreciative—as if he could be anything else. “I know I can always go to you when I need to talk and I know you’ll always let me speak my mind.” He squeezed Peter tightly and was surprised Peter didn’t make a sound of discomfort.

Peter was trying to make Neal feel loved and appreciated before engaging in mating with him, but Neal was clearly very hungry and didn’t want to wait much longer. Before Peter knew it, Neal had him on his back on the bed. He was straddling Peter’s waist and leaning over him with his hands pressed into the mattress on either side of Peter’s head. “I think I could get used to this,” Peter told him as he grinned up at him. He liked this side of Neal already. It wasn’t unexpected, but it was pleasant nonetheless. His hands were on Neal’s hips as Neal began to roll his hips, pressing himself against Peter seductively. “Vampirism has made you a little sex fiend.”

Neal leaned down towards Peter’s throat. He scraped his fangs against Peter’s skin slowly because he felt like Peter might actually like that. Fortunately, he wasn’t wrong. “No more holding back,” Neal whispered. He shifted his face so he could glance into Peter’s eyes as he smiled. “I’ll try not to hurt you too much.”

“No more holding back,” he said, reiterating Neal’s own words. Smirking up at his mate, Peter whispered, “Give me everything you’ve got.”

And he did. As his fangs sank into Peter’s skin and tasted Peter’s venom, Neal could feel his hunger being affected. It would take a while for him to get used to this, but he didn’t mind it at all. Vampirism would make for some very interesting lovemaking…

•◊•

Neal and Peter sat in a villa overlooking a beautiful body of water that sparkled with the rising sun. They were holding hands and breathing slowly despite the fact that they didn’t _need_ to breathe anymore. Peter was helping Neal get used to living his eternal life, so he had to retrain Neal when it came to acting human. Blinking, swallowing, and breathing were all important things they needed to focus on while in public. Fortunately, Neal’s hunger hadn’t gone as horribly as Peter thought it might in the beginning. Neal almost attacked someone once, but Peter was able to get him through it.

Peter put an end to his life in New York for the time being, claiming that he couldn’t handle being in the bureau building because he felt guilty for not saving Neal in time. They all understood why he decided to resign, but he still had to go through an inquiry about it. Apparently some agents were still concerned that Peter had been in an intimate relationship with Neal, so he was questioned as to why he felt the need to resign.

He’d convinced his interrogators that he’d never been responsible for someone’s death in the field before and he didn’t think he could work for several more years while knowing he’d failed someone he was supposed to help and protect. That worked out for him and they allowed him to leave. No one knew where he had gone off to, but he figured most of them assumed he was well on his way to suicide.

Glancing over at his younger mate, Peter’s gaze fell to Neal’s left hand that was resting over Peter’s right hand. They’d gotten married after getting settled in their new home. Despite knowing that they should have used false names and identities in order to have a legal marriage without the possibility of Neal being discovered, they’d used their own names.

The only thing they changed was their last name—for legal documents. If he and Neal ever decided to renew their vows, they could obtain new paperwork with their proper names, but he was certain that that wouldn’t happen until everyone they knew had passed on. “Mister Neal Burkit,” Peter whispered as he lifted his gaze to meet Neal’s while rubbing his thumb over Neal’s wedding band—a glistening white gold band.

Neal smiled happily at his husband. “I still love that you agreed to ‘Burkit.’ I meant it as a joke.” Peter smirked at him. That was why he’d allowed Neal to choose their surname for legal documents. For the time being, they were lying low. Peter still had the ability to contact anyone at the bureau if need be, but he planned on living a quiet life with Neal for the rest of eternity. They didn’t need anything but each other. “Let’s Peter Burkit.” Neal chuckled at his own joke.

“You’re so beautiful,” Peter murmured, “and I am beyond lucky to have you all to myself.” Neal leaned his head back against the chair he was seated in and focused on Peter completely, giving him the most loving look Peter had ever seen. Well, not the _most_ loving look. Neal had shown just how incredibly in love with Peter he is when they’d gotten married. He just looked as awed as he always did…

“Let’s not discount just how handsome my husband is,” Neal said softly. He gently squeezed Peter’s hand, giving him a subtle reminder that he too is a gorgeous and attractive man.

Peter smiled a little, but he chose to deflect for the moment. “How do you feel about our little island?”

Neal rolled his eyes. He knew Peter wasn’t going to respond to a remark about his physical appearance, but they had eternity to work on his self-esteem. Peter has already helped Neal significantly, so Neal found it relatively easy to motivate himself to return the favor. “I love it,” Neal said honestly. “Cape Verde is somewhere I’ve wanted to run off to before, but I never quite got around to it.” Peter nodded. “This place is incredibly beautiful and it makes me happy.” Rubbing Peter’s skin with his thumb slowly, he paused for a few moments before adding, “I’m happy here. I’m happy to be here with you—and only you. I’m happy to go to bed with you each night and wake up to you each morning.” He smiled a little more as he added, “And let’s not forget just how much we both enjoy the mating process now that you can’t break me.”

Peter let out a quiet laugh followed by a content sigh. “Making you happy has always been my sole goal in life, my love.” Neal used his vampire speed to zip out of his seat and onto Peter’s lap very quickly. He was straddling his lover while smiling at him. Clearly, Neal was letting him know that he was very happy. Resting his hands on Neal’s hips, Peter murmured, “I’m sorry if you had plans for your future before I came into your life and complicated things though.”

“Like what?” Neal asked as he furrowed his brows.

Peter gently stroked Neal’s hips with his thumb before whispering, “Like a family.”

Neal was quiet for a few moments, but Peter watched his eyes. He could tell that Neal had thought about starting a family someday, but it was pretty much out of the question now, unfortunately. Neal was going to struggle with his transition for a while and neither of them wanted to harm a child in the process. Honestly, he hadn’t given it much thought since he became a vampire himself. He’d just wanted to live his life with Peter. “You’re my family,” Neal whispered as he lifted his hands and framed the sides of Peter’s face before kissing him. “As much as I would have loved to have children some day, I don’t see it happening now, but that’s okay.” Neal was trying to reassure Peter that Peter hadn’t ruined his life, but it was a struggle because he’d desperately wanted to have children to love in his life. “I can’t have biological children now, right?”

“I don’t believe so,” Peter said. “We’re capable of ejaculating if we feed off of each other, but I don’t believe our sperm can produce a child once we’re, technically, undead.” Neal nodded slowly, processing the answer Peter had given him. “I’m so sorry, Neal.”

“Don’t be,” Neal said softly. “I told you I’m happy. I love being with you and I love having you all to myself. It would be wrong to subject a child to this, especially since a child would pass on—if we don’t turn him or her ourselves.”

Peter sighed. “Turning a child is forbidden. Those who have been accused and convicted of turning a child into a vampire have been dismembered and set ablaze.” Neal swallowed hard. He was still trying to learn all of the rules and conditions that came along with being a vampire. The Illuminatis had a very strict demeanor about them when it came to interaction with humans, which included children. “I wish I hadn’t taken that from you…”

Neal watched Peter look away from him. It hurt his frozen heart to see how much this upset Peter. He himself wasn’t upset with Peter, so he didn’t understand why Peter was blaming himself. “You’ve sacrificed for me. This is the least I could do for you in return.” Peter scoffed. That was the last thing he wanted to hear. “Peter, you stayed in New York to secretly love me and treat me like royalty. You told me you should have left a long time ago, but you stayed for _me._ ” He rubbed his thumbs over Peter’s lips and whispered, “I wouldn’t have eternity with you if I were still mortal and capable of producing biological children. Adopting would be rough regardless. I’m still not stable enough to be around humans as often as you can.”

“Perhaps,” Peter conceded. “It still bothers me that I took something important from you.”

“But I’ve gained eternity with you in exchange,” Neal said, emphasizing each word to let Peter know he was being sincere about being happy with him. “I wouldn’t change a damn thing that led us to this point in our lives, Peter. You make me incredibly happy. _Just you._ ”

Peter focused his gaze on his lover and remained silent. The sun was slowly rising directly behind Neal, so Peter was admiring the view along with the glow that the rising sun gave Neal. His mate may be a member of the living dead or undead now, but he certainly still has the physical appearance and appeal of an angel. This was something he had to look forward to seeing each and every single day for the rest of eternity.

Neal was watching Peter silently now, but he could see how much Peter loves him—how happy Peter is to be with him. “Oh, Neal…” he said with a content sigh. “You are my sunshine. My only sunshine…”

The younger man grinned and whispered, “You make me happy when skies are gray.”

Peter loved the fact that Neal had immediately picked up on where he was going with his words. Reciting the lyrics of the song made the moment between them so much more…emotional. They both loved the sun whether it was rising or setting across their beautiful landscape and this song had become a frequent reference between the two of them. “You never know, dear, how much I love you,” Peter whispered as he sang the lyrics to his husband softly.

“Please don’t take my sunshine away,” Neal said as he leaned forward to passionately kiss his husband.

Given that neither of them became hot or cold with the fluctuations in weather, Neal could walk around shirtless as long as he pleased. The morning breeze may have made him wish he had a light shirt on if he were still human, but it no longer bothered him. The sun rising up behind him made his physique so much more attractive and Peter was definitely not going to complain if his husband’s chest were bared for him at any given time. “No more of this regret, I assume?”

Neal grinned. “No more,” he whispered. “Let’s focus on being happy for eternity, okay? We’re both immortal now, so there’s no point in dwelling on what could have been if I weren’t turned into a vampire as well.”

Peter lifted his hands to stroke Neal’s hair lovingly and nodded. “The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping… I dreamt I held you in my arms,” he sang softly. Neal smiled and leaned forward, allowing Peter’s arms to slide around him and hold him lovingly.

Neal rested his head on Peter’s shoulder as Peter rubbed his back slowly, lovingly. Peter continued humming the song to his husband as he held him, stroked him, and loved him in general. They had all of eternity to love each other this way and there was nothing anyone could do to disturb their happiness.

As the sun continued to rise behind Neal, Peter knew this was a new beginning for them both. He thought all of this would end with darkness, but that wasn’t quite the case. Neal had brought so much light into his life, but he, in turn, felt as if he’d brought Neal into the dark with him. Now that Neal was sharing eternal life with him, he couldn’t really consider this darkness anymore.

Their hearts may no longer beat with the essence of mortal life, but both men could feel the connection they’d made in their immortal life.

Peter’s hands continued sliding over Neal’s back as Neal began to kiss his neck.

Eternity together didn’t mean perfection necessarily. There would undoubtedly be gloomy, stormy days to come in their future for one reason or another, but living this long together felt like a blessing to them both. In essence, it felt as if the sun had risen and soaked them in eternal happiness with its shine—and warmed both of their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all of the support you've given this story via comments, reviews, tweets, et cetera. Had it not been for the encouragement of those of you reading this story, I'm not sure when or if it ever would have been updated again.
> 
> I'd like to give a huge shout-out to Kanarek13 for making the incredible cover art for this fic. That was very inspiring in itself. ❤️


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